And so... here I am... on the other side of all of that, with a lot less friends, a lot less contact with my family, a much more boundaried way of interacting with people I don't know well, a lot more free time. But there's peace, hope for the future, and more self trust than there's been for a long while.
Would be very interested to know if any other members went through this process as part of their healing?
As a Christian, I was so focused on "saving the marriage" and "not judging" that I didn't allow myself to get mad for probably 6 to 9 months after we separated. But once it hit, I was absolutely furious and ready to spit venom towards anyone who would listen.
For me, it lasted maybe two to three weeks, because my free time was filled with reading the Bible and praying. I knew I was wrong in my thoughts and actions during that time, but I just couldn't get past the pain and hurt any longer. My ex intentionally chose to put me through that- who does that to another human? I was absolutely enraged.
However, that rage also allowed me to move forward since it broke what was left of codependence and a hope to reconcile. It let me see the situation for what it truly was, so I'm thankful for going through that since it really opened my eyes. It's how I eventually let go and actually started to heal the deeper stuff that none of us like to admit is there.
In essence, the rage and anger allowed me to see a path towards forgiveness and ultimately letting go completely. So I'm thankful for it.