Should I contact her previous ex and her psy?

[Mastropiero]

Hello.

It's been 15 days since my ex broke up with me, once more and this time apparently forever. I am having a very hard time getting over it even if I know this is the best for my mental health. After a lot of research along the last six months, I have come to the clear conclusion that she is BPD, and quite probably NPD too.

We have been together for almost three years and our daughters are best friends since ages (we are divorced). Soon after we started dating, some things started to look weird, and to make it short, I bent myself over backwards along the three years to accommodate to her demands, mostly related to extreme jealousy, and I have ended up quite isolated, also at work (I am a teacher). I could tell you countless absurd exampled of her jealousy: colleagues, shop clerks, neighbours, students!! and even a female voice cheering in a video of my son's handball match (she assumed it was the voice of a mum I was "on" with). The examples are countless and absurd to anyone's eyes except hers. No.matter how much I tried to reassure her, it was totally useless, and I passed.evry other week from being the man of her life to a ________er who only made her suffer on purpose. I passed from hero to vilain continuously along this time.

The drop that spilled the glass was her demand to block and explicitly write to my distant 4th degree cousin in Miami (we live in Europe - Luxembourg, but not together) that I would not want to be ever again in my life in contact with her. My "fake cousin", as she calls her, happened to visit Madrid when I was there on a weekend - I am Spanish and my kids live in Madrid so I fly there every two weekends to be wirh them. We met around 15 minutes with my brother's family and my kids. I have never felt attracted for my "fake cousin" or anything of the kind, but my ex of course thinks differently and even assures that I told her once that I found her attractive (I never said this ever iny life). By the way, she was also sure that I felt attracted to my brother's ex wife once I showed her a picture. She was sure to know better about me than myself. Not only related to women but also about any other field, she always knew better than me (kids, work, money...)

I cut ties in the past with a lot of female friends (and even a couple of male friends) to calm her down and as a stupid way of proving my loyalty, but this time she went too far. I tried to explain to her how doing what she required as proof of loyalty made no sense and in addition it would create havoc in my family, and it would be in her worst interest in front of my parents, brother, aunts..., doing something like that to my cousin (who would actually flip out if she knew this, as some.work colleagues would flip out as well if I ever told them that mentioning a conversation with them or exchanging a text created chaos in my relationship). She slapped me (not first time), threatened me that she would call my parents herself (also not first time she threatened to do so) to tell them the kind of _____ person I am, asked me to say goodbye forever to her daughter (who is like a daughter to me and I have taken on holidays with my kids so many times) and leave her appartment. Luckily her daughter was not aware.

This all happened after spending the greatest 5 days with her in a kind of honey moon in the Netherlands and after planning next summer holidays together and with our respective kids. Totally unexpected out of nowhere. Or not exactly, because a innocent comment about greeting a female friend of a friend that I came across at my school sparked the fire some days before... Always any contact with women taken as a "public humiliation".

I know objectively I should run away. I felt ashamed to share some of these things with my brother and friends, even with my psy, but it was therapeutic opening up and having people who genuinely care for me that what I described was not only normal but psychologically abusive.

I know all this, but I can't help feeling like _____ after all the time, energy and love invested. She often told me she was never like this before, but she also told me some weird story about her previous relationship.

The idea of contacting her ex has crossed my mind so many times and now more than ever to try to understand if this was her pattern too in previous relationships, contrary to what she states.

I have also read that telling her about her probable BPD condition may result very negative, and I wonder if contacting her psy might be a good idea. I don't think she is aware at all about it because, seen from the outside, my ex seems the most beautiful, calm, balanced and fair person. Nobofy could believe what I have lived when just the two of us. The incredibly good and the incredibly bad. A horrible roller coaster that became more and more chaotic in time.

Thanks so much for reading and for your help. It helped putting all this in writing. I could hardly believe it if a friend told me, but all my research confirms.so neatly all her BDP traits.

Best regards