Six years too late? It's never too late.

[bluebird314]

It's the way she processes things that turns pebbles into unstopable forces.  She does that within her mind, and it's why she struggles to forgive, to apologize, to let go of wounds.

That one got me.

Pook/Wendy; as before, very meaningful input. I'm incredibly appreciative. I took myself to my favorite park last night and let some feelings out. I'm quite good at bottling those up. I asked myself a lot of those questions... and if I'm honest, this pattern has been present throughout the duration of the relationship. Somewhere along the timeline I stopped trying to fix it and started trying to fix myself, and she did in her own path, but it was all spaghetti.

The pattern is always how horrible everyone else was. We're just over 24 hours no contact right as of writing this, and the last series of texts (I didn't respond!) were that I'm worst than all of them.

I think what's shaking my brain up right now is that for the last four years I didn't have any of *this.* I just processed in isolation. Woof.

I'm excited for my NEABPD coursework to begin. Learning from ya'll and everyone else is really helpful.

[Notwendy]

That one got me.

Somewhere along the timeline I stopped trying to fix it and started trying to fix myself.

The pattern is always how horrible everyone else was. We're just over 24 hours no contact right as of writing this, and the last series of texts (I didn't respond!) were that I'm worst than all of them.

I'm excited for my NEABPD coursework to begin. Learning from ya'll and everyone else is really helpful.

Truly- we can not "fix" another person. Working on ourselves is the better path- to whatever decision that leads to.

The course sounds very informative and useful. Learning about BPD can help us to understand the other person but turning the focus inward is where we can be effective.

One exercise a T taught me is when being accused of something, first consider if it is true or not. If not- then substitute something absurd like "pink elephant" for the accusation. You wouldn't react if someone called you that as you are certain you aren't one. Also, your wife calling you that doesn't make it true.

It's good you are able to have the chance to look at your own feelings.

[Pook075]

That one got me.

Pook/Wendy; as before, very meaningful input. I'm incredibly appreciative. I took myself to my favorite park last night and let some feelings out. I'm quite good at bottling those up. I asked myself a lot of those questions... and if I'm honest, this pattern has been present throughout the duration of the relationship. Somewhere along the timeline I stopped trying to fix it and started trying to fix myself, and she did in her own path, but it was all spaghetti.

The pattern is always how horrible everyone else was. We're just over 24 hours no contact right as of writing this, and the last series of texts (I didn't respond!) were that I'm worst than all of them.

I think what's shaking my brain up right now is that for the last four years I didn't have any of *this.* I just processed in isolation. Woof.

I'm excited for my NEABPD coursework to begin. Learning from ya'll and everyone else is really helpful.

In this moment, you are the worst because that's what she's FEELING.  I keep going back to that word because it's where all the chaos stems from.  She's had those same feelings with anyone she's ever become close to, and eventually they said or did something that changed her feelings.

I only brought that up to help you see the bigger picture.  This isn't a fight you versus her.  This is a fight against mental illness and you're both fighting it at the same time.  She just happens to be choosing the wrong side to fight for.

I wish you luck and patience brother.  This is still a winnable fight if you want it to be.  But first, you need a little R&R to clear your mind and actually be able to think.  Take some time and we'll talk about if the marriage is worth saving another day.