bipolar + BPD wife attempted suicide + asked for divorce

[Mariedes78]

I'm posting because I feel very alone with this and don't know where else to turn.

My partner has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder and BPD many years ago.
For the first five years of our relationship (since 2019), things were constantly up and down. She ended things and came back five times, until what I thought was the final time.

Four months later she reached out again. She told me about all the work she'd done on herself: she'd stopped drinking, started medication and was in treatment. We talked for four months and slowly got back together. She seemed so 'together', she was introspective, calm, kind, loving and made me feel amazing. From early 2025, it was genuinely really good. I truly believed the change was real and lasting.

To give her extra reassurance and commit to us, I agreed to get married in October 2025. Part of me wondered if this was mania, but she assured me it wasn't, and she seemed calm and level-headed at the time. We were both thrilled.

About two months after the wedding, the cracks started to show. She would be "off" at times, splitting, and getting angry over very small things. At Christmas she went into a severe depressive episode and talked about separating. I wondered if her medication had stopped working or the dose was wrong.

After that, the arguments became more and more frequent. The hardest part was never knowing whether she was in a BPD episode or genuinely upset with me. So I'd defend and justify myself, and we'd go round and round in circles. I'd walk on eggshells and was worried of the next episode/split/anger or guilt tripping outburst.

About eight weeks ago, after an argument that turned into days of silence, cold shoulder and dismissiveness, I told her in the heat of the moment that I couldn't do this anymore. I said I was breaking and felt like I was going mad, and I asked her to leave. She then attempted suicide.

I haven't processed that. I've felt overwhelming guilt. I tried to give her every bit of support I could while falling apart inside. Her psychiatric team wasn't acting, so I pushed hard to get her an urgent review. When she was seen two days later, it turned out her medication dose was wrong and had been keeping her in a depressive state.

The very next day (which was yesterday), we had a disagreement about holidays and travel. She then told me by text that she wants a divorce, and laid out the logistics: swap belongings, do the divorce online, wished me luck with my new job, "take care x."

I'm devastated and humiliated. I also feel incredibly lonely, because she tends to portray me to her family as the bad, unsupportive one, so I don't feel I have anyone on that side who understands. I have isolated from my friends and family and do not want to talk to them about this as they had warned me when we got back together that this would happen.

If you've been through something like this:

How did you deal with the guilt after a partner's suicide attempt?
How do you grieve someone who keeps leaving and coming back?
How did you stop doubting your own perception of what happened?

Thank you for reading. I just really need to hear from people who understand.

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