Toxic family

[KMPENN]

My mother has emotionally abused me my whole life. I have had 30 years of cruelty and punishment, mostly for staying in touch with my Dad after they split up. She is currently ignoring my messages, and my recent birthday,  because she found out I stayed at his house for one night with my new partner, who she refuses to acknowledge. I'm at the end of my tether.

[Stolen]

KMPENN,

Welcome.  I am sure you will be getting some excellent advice from the talented and knowledgeable crew on here.

I just wanted to congratulate you for having the independence to maintain a relationship  with your father.  As the father of two daughters who are totally alienated from me (going on 5 years now), I understand how cutting off a loving parent can sometimes be the easier (sic) option to take. 

The more detail you are able to add to your situation, the better the advice you will received here.  And - have you "zoomed out" and sketched the family going backwards from you mother?  I know in my case, it took a long time to be able to see the forest through the trees and finally see the toxic recurring patterns on my xSpouse's FOO. 


Again - welcome.

[Mutt]

Hi KMPENN,



I'd like to join Stolen and welcome you to bpdfamily. I'm sorry to hear that. I can see how emotionally distressing that would feel when a parent emotionally blackmails you for talking to another parent because of how they feel about them. Your r/s with your dad is between you and your dad, it has nothing to do with your mom. You're not alone. Here's an article and let us know if it rings true. You'll find the lessons on the right side of the board.

Emotional Blackmail: Fear, Obligation and Guilt (FOG)

Has your mom split you black before?