Home page of BPDFamily.com, online relationship supportMember registration here
August 01, 2021, 08:50:29 AM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins: Harri, Once Removed
Senior Ambassadors: Cat Familiar, I Am Redeemed, Mutt, Turkish
  Help!   Boards   Please Donate Login to Post New?--Click here to register  
bing
VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?" Parental alienation is when a parent allows a child to participate or hear them degrade the other parent. This is not uncommon in divorces and the children often adjust. In severe cases, however, it can be devastating to the child. This video provides a helpful overview.
204
Pages: 1 [2]  All   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: One moment I resent her, the next moment I miss her intensely - 2  (Read 2359 times)
UnforgivenII
****
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 316



« Reply #30 on: April 08, 2017, 05:18:00 AM »

I did not hear a peep. I am more than 60 days NC and I pray I will never see him again or hear from him, even from friends etc. I do not want to know anything about him.
Logged
lipstick
****
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 374



« Reply #31 on: April 08, 2017, 06:30:35 AM »

Allow me to add just one other thing... .even though a lot of us have never heard a "peep" from our BPDex's after NC - I believe a good majority of them keep tabs on us through different sources. Social media, mutual friends, etc...

So while we may not have direct contact with them - keeping tabs on us IS contact (albeit covert).

For my situation - BPDex knows how much damage he did. And he has neither the courage nor the emotional maturity to make direct contact with me and offer a sincere apology for his actions.

Thank heavens it no longer matters to me one way or the other.   Smiling (click to insert in post)
Logged
hope2727
*******
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 1209



« Reply #32 on: April 08, 2017, 09:36:16 AM »

Excerpt
So while we may not have direct contact with them - keeping tabs on us IS contact (albeit covert).

For my situation - BPDex knows how much damage he did. And he has neither the courage nor the emotional maturity to make direct contact with me and offer a sincere apology for his actions.

This is exactly my experience. Mine went off the radar except to have my ex best friend keep tabs on me until I realized it was happening and ended the friendship. He now uses that person's young adult son to keep tabs. He didn't reach out for YEARS until my father died. There was no public notification of the death. Nothing online, no funeral home announcement nothing. (there was a screw up and nothing was posted.) Then on the night of the funeral at 10PM I get a text "are you alright?" There was nothing on FB, nothing anywhere. So yes they keep tabs. In my case he is indeed to ashamed to make apologies and appropriate amends. That is where mine falls apart. He thinks saying "i'm sorry" just erases all the harm done. So sad.
Logged
lipstick
****
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 374



« Reply #33 on: April 08, 2017, 06:43:23 PM »

Hope2727,
" He thinks saying "i'm sorry" just erases all the harm done. So sad. "

Ain't that just the truth?  Smiling (click to insert in post)   What is up with that? My ex was the same way. He was so used to everybody just "forgiving and forgetting" his behaviors that he must have believed I would react the same way when he actually did attempt contact (four years ago). He found out differently.

I wish him all the best - unfortunately I've heard some tidbits here and there that life isn't so great for him these days. I'm not surprised.
Logged
cubicinch
***
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 148


« Reply #34 on: April 08, 2017, 07:00:48 PM »

Hope2727,

I wish him all the best - unfortunately I've heard some tidbits here and there that life isn't so great for him these days. I'm not surprised.
Because of the type of people we are on here, that can make us feel a bit sad, but also relief that we don't have to deal with it eh? Just think if we'd have stayed, what we'd be dealing with. How can they not see it for themselves? We can't comprehend their way of thinking can we? In my case, the girl I met was actually quite proud of her life history, she saw herself as a survivorHell! And in a position to work as a support worker to help others! Since going back to internet dating, many of the profiles are support or care workers! They feel drawn to it, and/or it's the only work they can get without need of qualifications, and theres a shortage because no one wants to do the work!
Logged
lipstick
****
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 374



« Reply #35 on: April 08, 2017, 07:22:04 PM »

Hi cubicinch,
I read somewhere that pwBPD often have careers where they provide service to others. BPDex is a chef and has worked in the hospitality industry since he graduated from college. No, he didn't go to school to become a chef, either. It is just the direction his life went when he met his also-disordered spouse.

He also views himself as a "victim" in most situations. And most of the time it is his own fault that things fell apart. I think he's slowly shutting down and becoming more hermit-like. I am NC - but I hear stuff occasionally. Things that tell me he is finding less and less joy in life (recent abandonment of a favorite hobby). And I do not feel sorry for him. Yet he will continue to present a false front to the world that everything is perfect and he is soo blessed and lucky. Meanwhile, his health is failing and the rum keeps flowing. Nice, huh? 
Logged
getfree

*
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 47


« Reply #36 on: April 08, 2017, 07:27:35 PM »

Allow me to add just one other thing... .even though a lot of us have never heard a "peep" from our BPDex's after NC - I believe a good majority of them keep tabs on us through different sources. Social media, mutual friends, etc...

So while we may not have direct contact with them - keeping tabs on us IS contact (albeit covert).

This is spot on I think. My BPD ex-girlfriend is engaging a number of my female coworkers (we used to work together) and mining them for information about in exchange, I suspect, for details about our relationship.

I haven't managed to become completely indifferent to the situation yet so it's stressing me out but hopefully soon I'll come to the point where I don't care.
Logged
lipstick
****
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 374



« Reply #37 on: April 08, 2017, 08:13:30 PM »

Hi getfree,
You will eventually reach a point of indifference. it took me a VERY long time to get there. But I finally arrived.

Something that helped me was when I eventually realized that BPDex was living a sort of "Groundhog Day" (like the Bill Murray movie).  Nothing ever really changes in his world (other than losing jobs!). I honestly don't think he can cope with change. He thrives on chaos in his chosen profession - but his personal life? Routine, routine, routine... .boring, boring, boring... .same restaurant every.single.Monday.   Same places, same events, same, same, same... .no new experiences, no spending time with friends or grandchildren - just work and home.   I came to understand that this removed the fear of abandonment to him. And I also came to understand how shallow and childlike BPDex truly is. This was a turning point for me in letting go. I don't feel sorry for him - he is aware that something is wrong with him, yet he does nothing about it. Just lather, rinse, repeat.
Logged
getfree

*
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 47


« Reply #38 on: April 08, 2017, 09:09:28 PM »

Hi Lipstick

Thanks for your insight - I really hope that I get there sooner rather than later. It has been 6 months since the final break and I am honestly bored of thinking about it now but still have a compulsion to ruminate.

My BPD ex had similar traits in terms of "groundhog day" I discovered about 6 months into our 18 month relationship that a lot of the things she suggested we do together (dates, vacations etc) were identical or very similar to events she had done with exes. In addition anything "new" she suggested was copied directly from a female friend/acquaintance who she put on a pedestal.

I think you are right this removes the fear of abandonment for them - I can't be rejected for doing something I've already done (and I know the other party enjoyed) and I am less likely to be rejected if I do something that has been vetted by someone "better" than I am.

I feel sorry for my BPD ex despite what I went through, her life although high-functioning must be agony in reality and despite having awareness of her condition she seems completely unable to do anything about it.
Logged
Circle
*****
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 517


« Reply #39 on: April 08, 2017, 11:17:52 PM »

Yes, she could and she probably will. In my opinion it will be in your interest to not respond, nicely or otherwise. Remember, they love you until they don't, they need you until they don't. All subject to constant change. I know this at the cost of my own sanity and almost my life.
Love from
Sadly x

So many great contributions on this thread ^^^.
Logged
Curiously1
****
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 390


« Reply #40 on: April 09, 2017, 12:59:49 AM »

Just my opinion and experience, sometimes you may never hear from them unless you reach out - if you want to. I never initiated NC with my ex on both occassions she left but I was always the one to reach out for closure or whenever I wanted to express how much I still love her etc etc. Even if they reacted badly towards the contact you had given them for example, in their mind they at least know that you want them - whether they want you or not and can change their minds later in the future.
As if they need prompting that it is ok and that you want them back in your life makes it less risk for them to choose you again if they feel like it. Mine left me 2x. It's depends on the individual however I do think they do return if they have no more options left, you are within reach, and if they can make it up in their mind that you'd be good to reattach to, even if temporarily so. It feels very one sided still. I know it's possible for my ex and I to get back together in the future if I wanted to and whether or not the replacement lasts or not however the pattern has been that I am recycled the more I reach out.
Also just because they don't want you as a romantic partner right now doesn't mean they aren't secretly interested in your life too . They don't necessarily need to contact you directly to know that. They may still care to a degree to see what's going on your side of the fence especially when things are down on theirs obvious or not.
Logged

SummerStorm
******
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Friend
Posts: 926



« Reply #41 on: April 09, 2017, 10:03:16 AM »

My BPD friend has such strong engulfment issues that she often doesn't even make it to the point where she's living with the other person.  Two years ago, the night before she started moving in with a guy, she started a huge downward spiral that ultimately culminated in a suicide attempt about six weeks later.  Prior to that, she was living with a former co-worker and was doing okay, other than the daily drama (debt, etc.) that she always seems to have.  And even when she is living with someone, she always has one foot out the door.  With that guy, she kept most of her stuff at her old place, until her former roommate threatened to throw it all away.  Last summer, she started living with another guy but kept her old apartment.  She also asked me to get an apartment with her once and actually said we could just sign a 6-month lease.  I had no desire to live in an apartment, and I barely knew her at the time, so I declined. 

But yeah, as others have said, I'm not  sure if it's really that they actually get worse when you start living with them, but rather that their behaviors become much more obvious.  For example, my BPD friend is incredibly disorganized and messy.  It's easy to clean up before someone comes over, to give off the appearance of being tidy, but to keep up that appearance is impossible for her.
Logged

So when will this end it goes on and on/Over and over and over again/Keep spinning around I know that it won't stop/Till I step down from this for good - Lifehouse "Sick Cycle Carousel"
vortex of confusion
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 3234



« Reply #42 on: April 09, 2017, 02:31:52 PM »

Wow, I have to go pretty far back into my memory banks to when ex and I moved in together. We did it the old fashioned way. Dated. Got engaged. Got married. Moved in together after the "I do's".

Once we were married and living together, things did change. He didn't show nearly as much interest in some things and it almost felt like once I said "I do" he said "I don't." That is over simplifying things a bit. I do agree that moving in together simply amplifies both parties dysfunction. I was aware of my issues and tried to adjust for that. From his perspective, he didn't have any issues. He was just having a hard time adjusting to married life.
Logged
FallenOne
Formerly Matt.S
****
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 321


« Reply #43 on: April 09, 2017, 11:49:57 PM »

I've been asking myself this today... Shortly after her blowups, raging and outbursts, she would sometimes regret them and get teary eyed... .She would say "she's sorry and always feels like such a burden"... I think some of my fighting back with her made her feel that way. Then again, if I hadn't fought back, put my foot down, or stood up for myself, I would have been a doormat... However, my reactions to her behavior weren't always the best, I had my own outbursts in response to her outbursts, and I think I made her feel like she was a burden to me sometimes... .

How do you all feel about this with your own situations?

Is it better to sometimes try to have complete control over yourself and just try not get angry/emotional yourself when someone is literally flipping out and screaming at you? Is that even possible for a normal person?
Logged
Turkish
Senior Ambassador
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Other
Relationship status: "Divorced"/abandoned in Feb 2013.
Posts: 11080


Dad to my wolf pack


« Reply #44 on: April 10, 2017, 12:09:18 AM »

What's a core,  often debilitating emotion of pwBPD? Shame. 

We could have a good Friday night,  yet some Saturdays awake to one of her kitchen cleaning inquisitions. This was after I thought we had done a good job the night previously.  I retreated to take care of the kids.  She often put on her workout attire and leave for an hour afterwards.  Sometimes she'd later apologize,  saying she hated for me and the kids (them 1 and 3) to see her like that.  Occasionally she'd include me.  This went back to her FOO. Of course I never knew what to say.

I did trigger her shame sometimes by encouraging her to follow up on what sounded like job offers. She would fall back on,  "but I don't have a 4 year degree." I think these people knew that but they were impressed by her work.  I made her feel badly about herself.  I don't either,  but I made twice her salary.  I never let better opportunities pass.  I never said this to her.  One mistake was thinking that she'd just get this by my example.

Last year,  she told me that she told some of her friends that the reason she left me was because she felt badly about his she treated me.  So she left me and married someone whom she ended up treating worse,  though that took almost two years to come to fruition.

I think one of the major things we struggle with here is trying to understand the behaviors of the partner but not understanding how wrapped up in their own pain they really are.   

Logged

    “For the strength of the Pack is the Wolf, and the strength of the Wolf is the Pack.” ― Rudyard Kipling
whitebackatcha
***
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 221



« Reply #45 on: April 10, 2017, 02:19:57 AM »

Is it better to sometimes try to have complete control over yourself and just try not get angry/emotional yourself when someone is literally flipping out and screaming at you? Is that even possible for a normal person?

This is something I really struggled with, and still come back to occasionally. Could I have been more patient? Was I too needy? If I hadn't been triggered when I was, could I have reacted in a way that would have calmed things down? I guess I've come to the conclusion that, the more I put up with that behavior, the worse it got. Anyone who would have been fine with it would have not been emotionally invested in the first place, making her behaviors irrelevant to them. Or, they would have had some sort of disorder themselves that would make them able to tune this sort of thing out (which again would lead to a more limited level of connection).

I think it eventually became more a matter of, not if I could put up with it, but for how long if things never got better. I can put up with bad behavior for awhile, but not for an entire lifetime. I shouldn't have to either. I deserve better. If we feel they deserve this level of patience and understanding, why don't we expect that same treatment for ourselves?

The burden issue is very difficult. Like Turkish said, they are crippled by shame. There is a good article on this site that I am too tired to find, but it talks about how we become their mirror for their behavior. It's not us, it's them having to face how they already view themselves. This is something that can only be dealt with by them, in therapy. I really wish it wasn't. If love could have changed her, I would have been able to change her. I have never been as patient and loving with anyone in my life as I was with her. She deserved that level of patience and love, and I enjoyed giving it. But I also deserved it in return, and she was unable to provide that.
Logged

marti644
****
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 313


« Reply #46 on: April 10, 2017, 04:05:51 AM »

If love could have changed her, I would have been able to change her. I have never been as patient and loving with anyone in my life as I was with her. She deserved that level of patience and love, and I enjoyed giving it. But I also deserved it in return, and she was unable to provide that.

This is very well said. I was not perfect in the relationship and I did trigger her at times, but I did truly care and tried to help, and it only led to engulfment and discard. The truth is there is very little we can do but understand the BPD pattern and hope that they become self-aware and seek changes in themselves. This is of course very rare and it is not our battle to fight. We have our own weak boundaries and self-esteem issues to deal with.

The best solution is to move on and find someone who can reciprocate our feelings of love. If anything these type of relationships with BPDs prove that many of us know what unconditional love really is. We put up with so much abuse and for what? Many people, disordered or non-disordered do not know what this type of love is. The trick is finding a partner who does and sharing this special bond with them.
Logged
Skip
Site Director
***
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 8474


« Reply #47 on: April 10, 2017, 07:31:15 AM »

Is it better to sometimes try to have complete control over yourself and just try not get angry/emotional yourself when someone is literally flipping out and screaming at you? Is that even possible for a normal person?

1. If someone is flipping out and emotionally dysregulated, it doesn't help to "lose it" yourself - it mostly makes matters worse.

The opposite of not "losing it" yourself, is not to be a doormat. In fact, you can very much be a doormat by adopting someone else's bad behavior.

Strength is what helps relationships. So does compassion. You can be strong and you can be compassionate and not be a doormat. Finding the balance is what it is all about.

2. I think generalizing things like this to your relationship and broadening this to all relationships on the board is not a good idea. It really helps to look at your specific situations and your and her specific reactions to learn from it. For example, when she broke up with you, was it a good idea to contact her new partner and speak badly of her? Absolutely. That was not sticking up for yourself - that just started a war with people coming to your house, you then escalating by calling the cops, her then getting a protective order (PO) on you, and now you struggling with the PO and the fact that you can't even be amicable exes.

3. Her feeling like a "burden" was most likely her recognizing that she acted badly or unfairly and that it was not an isolated icident. You may have contributed to her seeing that, but the most important part is that she could see it.
Logged

 
Swhitey
**
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Ex Girlfrind
Posts: 78



« Reply #48 on: April 13, 2017, 03:17:53 PM »

Anyone who would have been fine with it would have not been emotionally invested in the first place, making her behaviors irrelevant to them. Or, they would have had some sort of disorder themselves that would make them able to tune this sort of thing out (which again would lead to a more limited level of connection).

This got me thinking about what my ex used to say to me a lot of the times after a big argument that would cause her to run away and cry in the bedroom for hours. She would express to me, apologetically and in tears, or in a romantic note, that she is maybe not meant to be in an intimate relationship, she is too messed up. Of course, this would trigger my own fear of abandonment and I would go out of my way to try assuage and give her whatever she wanted so that she wouldn't leave me. I realize now how unhealthy this was for me (and for her), and upon reflection, has been pervasive in my previous relationships to lesser extents. It took someone like her to really overtly bring this to the surface for me to address and I am working on this now with a much better understanding of my own past wounds/traumas.

Perhaps, whitebackatcha, this is the exact type of person someone with a borderline structure (especially one who does not want to address their issues) needs for a relationship partner. If someone is able to tune out that crazy making behavior, and still be there so they don't feel abandoned, it might give them the space for more self reflection as this other person is less likely to enable their behavior? I know, for myself if I had better boundaries, I would likely seen the red flags a lot sooner have left long ago... .so the only other type of person who would stick around might be someone like this? I don't know, it is only a thought that came to mind... .
Logged
Kelli Cornett
^
****
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 398



« Reply #49 on: April 13, 2017, 06:11:47 PM »

My relationship was short - 5 months and we lived 3K miles apart.

I didn't lose my temper, nor lash out and "hurt" her with things we all know we can hurt someone with... .

Once I did raise my voice which I apologized for and her response was "I deserved it"... .but I wasn't apologizing for her but for myself...

In short there was nothing I could do that would have changed what happened... .

She at times was looking for things to be upset with... or just make them up...

And you can't fix or resolve issues in a relationship without the two people being willing to communicate honestly and with trust and respect.  An untreated person with BPD isn't capable...

In short - although we can always improve and learn about ourselves etc... .There is no "win" in these relationships... There was nothing you could do to save it or them.

Logged

Ronald E Cornett, Kelli Cornet, Kelley Lyne Freeman,

kellicornett@hotmail.com, kelfreemanfreeman@aol.com, kelleyfree@yahoo.com
FallenOne
Formerly Matt.S
****
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 321


« Reply #50 on: April 14, 2017, 04:26:12 PM »

She at times was looking for things to be upset with... or just make them up...

This. I too felt that mine would be looking for something to blow up over. Some of the things she fought with me about and escalated were so trivial... It's like she was waiting for me to make a slight mistake just so she could create some chaos.

And you can't fix or resolve issues in a relationship without the two people being willing to communicate honestly and with trust and respect.  An untreated person with BPD isn't capable...

Also, this... I walked on eggshells during communication attempts and trying to come to a conclusion on an issue, typically because she was not able to handle blunt honesty or truth about herself... What she would do, is if I tried talking to her about something that needed to be talked about honestly and openly, she would get angry and get up and leave, or ignore me, or rage... .
Logged
Portent
***
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 208


« Reply #51 on: April 14, 2017, 04:37:54 PM »

What she would do, is if I tried talking to her about something that needed to be talked about honestly and openly, she would get angry and get up and leave, or ignore me, or rage... .

Yep they immediately know where the conversation is going because what they have of a conscience is constantly telling them the same thing.
Logged
marti644
****
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 313


« Reply #52 on: April 14, 2017, 04:51:39 PM »


And you can't fix or resolve issues in a relationship without the two people being willing to communicate honestly and with trust and respect.  An untreated person with BPD isn't capable...


This quote gets me thinking brahmin. How honest was everyone communicating in these relationships? What was I capable of?

For my part I knew something was wrong with my BPD-ex about 2 months in. She lashed out at me badly for no reason, and came up with a strange delusional explanation that I knew didn't really make sense. But it was early on and I was still idealizing her so I chalked it up to a "bad day", although I had never had a "bad day" like that so I knew deep down that something was wrong.

After the second, third, fourth, fifth arguments like this I knew that she was delusional and clearly exhibiting paranoid behaviour. I stopped having real excuses for her behaviour.

I didn't know about BPD yet but I kept trying to get through to her. I stayed even though I knew something was wrong. Was that respectful, staying with someone I knew was clearly not in their right mind? I knew that I couldn't get through to her and yet I still stayed. I wasn't honest and that is not respectful. If I had been the relationship would have ended much sooner. I think she sensed that I knew, and this clearly created more resentment.

When a partner realizes you think they're not well this does not lead to  a more positive relationship, unless there is clear and open communication about it. I did not do this, therefore I was not respectful. I was too busy idealizing the image of the relationship and how it would look once we got past this "rough patch". Clearly delusional on my part not hers.

Logged
FallenOne
Formerly Matt.S
****
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 321


« Reply #53 on: April 14, 2017, 05:59:15 PM »

An untreated person with BPD isn't capable...

Apparently neither is a treated one...

I see this a lot on these boards. "An untreated BPD" this and that... "Without treatment" this and that...

Mine was heavily treated for nearly 7 years and on meds and after several trips to the psych ward there is barely a difference... .
Logged
iluminati
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Divorced
Posts: 1570



WWW
« Reply #54 on: April 15, 2017, 11:26:17 AM »

Apparently neither is a treated one...

I see this a lot on these boards. "An untreated BPD" this and that... "Without treatment" this and that...

Mine was heavily treated for nearly 7 years and on meds and after several trips to the psych ward there is barely a difference... .

Fair point.  I should not that the assumption in those remarks is successful treatment.  Obviously with several trips to the psych ward, it's not a stretch to say that the treatments didn't work.  Why is a subject for another post.
Logged

He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.~ Matthew 5:45
Bumpsintheroad

*
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 36


« Reply #55 on: April 16, 2017, 02:15:29 PM »

The last time my BPD ex and I spoke was at the final divorce hearing (that I initiated).  We walked out of court and I handed her a wrapped package, the book 'Stop Walking on Eggshells'.  Gave her a friendly hug and said "I'll never see you again".  Turned, and walked away.  3 months later I moved 500 miles. 

In the meantime, the judge ordered us to split about $2000 in debts.  I paid $1700 immediately but when I tried renting a new apartment, I was declined due to her not paying for apartment damages the judge had ordered her to pay.  I sent her an email, with paid receipts, for $1700 of the $2000 debts.  And kindly asked if she would just pay the final $300.  Nothing personal.  No nostalgia.  No questions about anything except financial.

Her response the following day by email was typical BPD claptrap. 
-I hope you're happy.
-You're a wonderful man.
-You deserve someone better than me. 
-I don' have BPD.
-I've been diagnosed with Severe Adult ADHD (and a list of other incurable ailments and diseases) 
-Doctors say I COULD live another 20 years if I'm lucky (at the time she was 39)
And then said she would email me the paid receipt for the $300 debt the following day.

Of course, I never heard another peep out of her.  No calls, texts, emails or letters.  It's been 3.5 years.  And she's never paid a dime of the debts.  I wish her no pain or heartache.  But unfortunately karma will catch up with her... .if it hasn't already done so.  My point is this, once THEY know that the non has completely detached, and there is nothing more they can say or do to get the non back in the web of pathological lies and deceit, they MUST disappear to save their own necks... .and proceed to the next poor sap. 

Best of Luck and Good Fortune
Logged
DaddyBear77
*****
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Divorced
Posts: 624



« Reply #56 on: April 24, 2017, 01:19:33 PM »

This thread has reached its posting limit. Feel free to continue the conversation here. Have a great day.

Staff only
Logged
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2021?

Pages: 1 [2]  All   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Our 2021 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
Andi1956
Anondad
Cnvi
doghouse
drained1996
EyesUp
Harri
JD2028
lovenature
Mac5
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
old97
P.F.Change
Skip
snowglobe
Swimmy55
Teno
Turkish
wendydarling

Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2006-2020, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!