How can BPDs move on so quickly?

[TsunamiWave]

My ex girlfriend who i broke up with, didnt want to fix things 3 days later and 3 days after that she got a new boyfriend, in the same space of 10 days we have dated, kissed etc and she said she loved me and in those same 10 days she has got into a new relationship and now says she loves this new guy.

How is this humanly possible?

I have read somewhere that borderlines influate their feelings, for ex they are like kids who overexpress what they feel, if they feel 25% they will show 85%. From this prespective its not hard to believe she didnt love me, but does she truly love him?

Do they love people, or just want their needs filled? Is there a chance they may come back?

[Duped 1]

Mine was similar. Many are shallow, dishonest, lack any integrity, and live in the moment with no regard for others. I was the greatest man on earth and no one could ever replace or compare to me. She said this while she was already with the new guy (I didn't know it at the time).

[TsunamiWave]

Mine was similar. Many are shallow, dishonest, lack any integrity, and live in the moment with no regard for others. I was the greatest man on earth and no one could ever replace or compare to me. She said this while she was already with the new guy (I didn't know it at the time).

Absolutely disgusting, no empathy having monsters. I have such a hate for these people... .They use us to fill their needs and throw us out when they dont need us anymore, zero remorse.

My ex cheated on me and insulted me plus blamed me for it.

Did she come back?

[g2outfitter]

Absolutely disgusting, no empathy having monsters. I have such a hate for these people... .They use us to fill their needs and throw us out when they dont need us anymore, zero remorse.

My ex cheated on me and insulted me plus blamed me for it.

Did she come back?

Some do, some don't (mine did).  Sounds like you want her to come back.  I guess we all wanted that at one time but I assure you, it will only prolong your agony.  You left her in the first place (good for you), and re-read what you just wrote.  You're better off if she doesn't come back.

[TsunamiWave]

Some do, some don't (mine did).  Sounds like you want her to come back.  I guess we all wanted that at one time but I assure you, it will only prolong your agony.  You left her in the first place (good for you), and re-read what you just wrote.  You're better off if she doesn't come back.

Yep... i left her but 2 days later i wanted to fix things and she didnt.  She already had the other guy lined up. Thats how crazy these people are.

How did yours come back? I hope she does bc i want revenge

[Mutt]

Many are shallow, dishonest, lack any integrity, and live in the moment with no regard for others. I was the greatest man on earth and no one could ever replace or compare to me.

You have a couple of BPD criterion with idealization / devalution and lack of impulse control

a pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterised by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation.

impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g. spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating). This does not include suicidal or self-harming behaviour.

I don't if I'd make a sweeping generalization that every pwBPD act one way, they're all different people, with different personalities, traits and severity of the disorder, my ex wife is a person, she's not defined by the disorder, she does have a lot of broken r/s's which is another hallmark of the disorder. That being said.

She can show compassion to others and does have core values, but she can't regulate her emotions like you or I, she feels emotions two thousand fold and loses judgement when she's flooded with her emotions, is that shallow? I can see how it's difficult to think about others and put yourself in their shoes when you have a lot of stuff going on inside. Think about it, 3/4 of the members on this website suffer from depression and anxiety, I'm one of them but when my symptoms flare up, it's more difficult for me to function and I become more self absorbed, toxic behaviors, does anxiety and depression trump my morals and values?

I think that it's really important to read as much as you can about BPD for your recovery, understand that it's something that our ex partners are going through a not personal to us but I can also understand how my exes has many broken r/s's because of the disorder.

[AustenJ]

I'm sorry you have had to endure this behavior. We here have all experienced this. You will find great support here. I know you are angry as we all were, but revenge, in my humble opinion, only keeps us stuck in the past. I think it is key for your to take a step back and breathe. Spend this time to work on yourself. Do things that bring you joy. These relationships are extremely volatile and exhausting.

My ex left me after Xmas to go on a 10 day holiday with her ex/BFF for 10 days. When she returned, she dumped both of us and was with her replacement 2 days later. This replacement is the love of her life and he is the one she will marry... .the same exact stuff she told me and her other ex and all the exes before us... .and she will continue to use this line on the dozens of men that will follow.

Hang in there! Keep posting as you deal with your emotions!

[TsunamiWave]

Thanks for your replies!

Its just that i have never been this abused, not only i got chatead on but also lied on, insulted after getting cheated on and blamed. Im sorry for wanting revenge but the only thing thst keeps me sane is to know that she will suffer, the hope that she will suffer.

I loved her and it seems like the things she said to me were all lies, if they werent how could she move on this fast? Its insane!

Do they always follow this pattern? Valuation, devaluation and then onto the next?

[Mutt]

Do they always follow this pattern? Valuation, devaluation and then onto the next?

This is an awesome discussion from our members, post #7 really breaks down what happens between a pwBPD and a non in a r/s.

From idealization to devaluation - why we struggle

[TsunamiWave]

This is an awesome discussion from our members, post #7 really breaks down what happens between a pwBPD and a non in a r/s.

From idealization to devaluation - why we struggle

Its so crazy, its like they arent capable of loving. Which is weird, because they claim to suffer for love yet they are the ones who move on the fastest

[g2outfitter]

Its so crazy, its like they arent capable of loving. Which is weird, because they claim to suffer for love yet they are the ones who move on the fastest

Yes, it is crazy, and you will go crazy if you try to analyze it or try to apply logic to it. Do as much research on it as you can then try to accept it for what it is, and accept her for who she is. Your image of who you thought she was is a mirage. What you see of her now is the reality.

I'm sorry you had to go through this. We all have. Get the thought of revenge out of your mind, it absolutely will do you no good.

[Mutt]

Get the thought of revenge out of your mind, it absolutely will do you no good.

That reminds of a quote, it's Ok feel anger TsunamiWave, it's a part of the grieving process and it'to s good validate that anger, that's what this forum is here for, we're here to listen to each other, just be mindful that you don't let anger overwhelm you.

Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves.
— Confucius

[Dusi2591]

Hey TsunamiWave, I can't offer you any advice as im still living the aftermath of my failed relationship and her  "moving" on so quickly. 2 weeks after shes been with him since and we've been no contact now for 3 months. That being said You love(d) this person I assume and granted she hurt you but wanting revenge isn't the answer and never should be for several reasons. One being it wont make you feel any better.
"An Eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind"

I have a hard time believing you want her back in your life for "revenge" Then again I've never had that train of thought regarding someone I love or my ex whom I still love so maybe I'm biased. If she did come back. If you still have those feelings of anger do yourself and Her a favor and remain No Contact. She'll likely catch on to your plays and play you harder and you'll be worse off for it. Also I'm a victim of this but don't wait on her coming back it sucks and ruins you and ultimately You and I and everyone else can't tell you if she will or not.

[Duped Again]

My ex girlfriend who i broke up with, didnt want to fix things 3 days later and 3 days after that she got a new boyfriend, in the same space of 10 days we have dated, kissed etc and she said she loved me and in those same 10 days she has got into a new relationship and now says she loves this new guy.

How is this humanly possible?

I have read somewhere that borderlines influate their feelings, for ex they are like kids who overexpress what they feel, if they feel 25% they will show 85%. From this prespective its not hard to believe she didnt love me, but does she truly love him?

Do they love people, or just want their needs filled? Is there a chance they may come back?

I read this on the other post: "Who really is the Borderline? Someone who needed you for awhile because they were scared to be alone."

That quote sums it up. Healthy individuals don't run around telling their partner that they love them, want to be with them forever, have intimate relationships, etc., unless they really mean it. BPDs or those with BPD traits don't mean them in the same way you do. Love doesn't necessarily mean "I want to be with you forever." It means "I need you right now and this is how I can keep you around for today." You have to understand that EVERYTHING you were told in the idealization phase is to be taken with a grain of salt. I know that is hard to fathom for you as it is to me as well.

As you watch them bounce from partner to partner over the next months/years, you will see that each individual was told the same things you were. I was fortunate that I got to hear about my ex telling the new partner the exact same things she told me... .after about a week together (and I was still in the picture). He has since been discarded and two others have taken his place.

I know this hurts. I've been there (still have bad days). But do me a favor, cut off any contact. Lose the notion that she meant anything she said to you, good or bad. She will likely never attach to another person on a deep level. Pretend like you just watched the movie The Sixth Sense. You just found out that your ex was a different person all along... .just like Bruce Willis.

[Claycrusher]

Absolutely disgusting, no empathy having monsters.

I agree. They're monsters.  That's not a popular opinion but after being married to a person with BPD for 18 years, I think I'm entitled to it.

I have such a hate for these people... .

I don't hate them any more than I'd hate "cinnamon bear" for being a bear.  I used to encounter those bears when fly fishing in California's Marble Mountains.  I didn't hate them for having the capacity to destroy me, but I respected their capacity for destruction.  Once I would identify the bear for what it was, I respected its capacity for destruction by simply distancing myself from it.  

They use us to fill their needs and throw us out when they dont need us anymore, zero remorse.

Yep.  It's a long story, but mine had a "tool" before me whose main purpose in her life was theater prop.  For the longest time, I thought that was my role, too.  But I have come to learn that she had formed a delusion of grandeur before we even met, in which she would discard the "tool" before me and seek out one that could either support her or help her support herself to a bachelor's degree, whereupon she would discard that "tool," as well, and live happily ever after.  She even had me picked out as a potential "tool" before we even met!  Long story as to how, but the short form is that, unknown to me, my sister was trying to manipulate a relationship between me and another friend of hers, and thus made me a frequent topic of conversation.  My ex-wife would have been privy to most of that information exchange and she used it to her advantage, manipulating our "first date" based on info my sister doled out.  That "first date" was a fishing trip.  It was pure business to me, as I had just obtained my hunting and fishing guide's license.  My future ex-wife badgered me about going out on a real date with her for a couple of weeks.  My sister nagged me in to agreeing to go out on a real date with my future ex-wife.

Thus, the die was cast... .

My ex cheated on me and insulted me plus blamed me for it.

Yeah.  I caught mine in the act of adultery. In the immediate aftermath, there was plenty of insulting behavior in which she mocked my educational and training backgrounds in the field of psychology, but that wasn't just the product of idle impulse.  It was a form of "information mining."  I should have known better but I wound up giving her all the information she needed to lie and B.S. her way in to a diagnosis as a repressed lesbian, comorbid with anxiety and depression.  She has admitted to me that she lied her butt off to get that diagnosis and even though she has a girlfriend (I think), she tells me that she's not sure what her sexual orientation is.  She says the only thing "this ordeal" has taught her is that she can't trust her emotions.  

Did she come back?

I know that question wasn't for me, but one of the most bizarre things about by breakup with my ex-wife is that she seems awfully unhappy about being divorced for someone who claims to have secretly wanted a divorce from me for seven or eight years prior to me making that dream come true for her.

[Claycrusher]

How did yours come back? I hope she does bc i want revenge

My ex-wife accuses me of hating her.  I don't hate her.  I just don't like her very much and no longer feel any sense of obligation to protect her honor or reputation, since we're not married.  Likewise, I don't feel obligated to be concerned about her health, welfare, or emotional state.  She wanted to live a separate life from me.  Those concerns are now hers, and hers alone.

I have also been accused of harboring ill will toward my ex-wife.  That would be a chronic waste of my time.  As long as she keeps running from the disorder she's got and refrains from seeking professional help in managing it, ill will is going to befall her, whether I want it to, or not.

I'm not interested in revenge, either, though she believes that I am due to the "punitive, unfair" child support obligation she has under the terms of our Final Decree of Dissolution. 

I wrote before that my ex-wife was looking for a "tool" before we met and that she had me lined up as a prospect for that role in her life before we met.  While those things are true, I didn't have to serve that role and it isn't her fault that I did so.  I made a series of bad decisions in the very early stages of my relationship with her, including getting her pregnant.  She is talented in the rack, but she ain't talented enough to knock herself up. 

Once I got it figured out that she was BPD, I sought to break up with her.  After telling her that the time had come for us to redefine the nature of our association, she told me that she understood, but that she figured I ought to know that she was over three months pregnant with our child.

I still didn't have to marry her.  I did so because I didn't want this child I helped create to have to endure disordered parenting with no full-time, moderating influence.  I have no regret for making that decision.

Long-winded way of saying that, for me at least, revenge is totally off the table and, frankly, never was on it in the first place.  I made some bad decisions.  I figured out she was symptomatic for BPD but I was a little slow on the uptake.  She didn't knock herself up.  I played a role in that.  Nobody held a knife to my throat and forced me to marry her, knowing full well that she was symptomatic for BPD with that possibly being comorbid with other issues.

[happendtome]

If we are talking about revenge then have you asked from yourself how would you do it? Im pretty sure that it wont go so easily as you think - that you manage somehow to do break up first and leave her. No, they will screw you one more time. Odds for that are good.
The only way you can win is that you have something against her. Some illegal things she has done or something and you have proofs. Now, if you have these things you again have to think carefully when and how to use it. If you use it wrong then it may bite you.
So calm down, if you have proofs, show these to some people you think who would need to know these things and then again do nothing. Dont go to war just so, it will empty your resources. You will lose sleep and your batteries get empty.

[Replacement99]

Revenge is pointless it just shows you are hurt and haven't moved on which they get a thrill from.  I managed to get some payback on the way out by ending it then kicking her out and also pointing out her disorder it was then the mask truly slipped then and she looked like a demonic possessed person .

Forget revenge just look after yourself go total NC forever and forget they exist, how this effects them is unimportant.  You know deep down they will repeat the same behavior and end up

A) Dead from suicide/substance abuse
B) In a mental institution
C) Alone unhappy and raging that everyone left them. 

Meanwhile you will have met a normal person and have a fulfilling happy life which they will probably know about as they stalk all their victims on social media.

[TsunamiWave]

Yes, it is crazy, and you will go crazy if you try to analyze it or try to apply logic to it. Do as much research on it as you can then try to accept it for what it is, and accept her for who she is. Your image of who you thought she was is a mirage. What you see of her now is the reality.

I'm sorry you had to go through this. We all have. Get the thought of revenge out of your mind, it absolutely will do you no good.

Jesus Christ, i completely agree on the logic part... .Im a very logic guided person myself and i definitely believe that one of my mistakes was trying to apply logic in anything related to her, even when we argued and she was clearly wrong i tried to show her the facts but it was like talking to a wall... .Its definitely true, these people are guided by anything except logic or empathy for the follow human being. Its insane!

It hurts so much, specially when you are with these people personally, they seem so nice, so fun, so so i dont even know... .Its just crazy how its all a mask, it truly hurts you because its really like all of a sudden, you're completely ran over, like in my case i figured out she was like this once she cheated on me, it wasnt something i figured out before, it hit me very fast, all of a sudden and very hard.

[TsunamiWave]

That reminds of a quote, it's Ok feel anger TsunamiWave, it's a part of the grieving process and it'to s good validate that anger, that's what this forum is here for, we're here to listen to each other, just be mindful that you don't let anger overwhelm you.

Im so sorry, i truly am. Im not a person that feels remorse, im rather an explosive person, but in this case i just cant all of this anger go, the plans we had together, the things we were going to do, all of a sudden she drops me and gets someone else, now she tells this person the same things she told me, she makes the same plans, etc.

Its not the fact that i miss her, yes i miss her but what truly hurts me is not the fact that shes not around me anymore, its the fact that she has replaced me so quickly like im absolutly nothing, like im not worth a thing, like all the things she has said were lies, like she used me, and for this reason i want her to suffer. Please tell me she is going to suffer, i need to hear this to move on, i dont feel sane... .AND i was a very SANE person, i cant do anything, i cant start a new hobby, watch a new TV SHOW, i cant even play games because this is all that storms my mind, i need to know that she will suffer

Either from her attacks/depression
Either from the constant self-harm (which with me was something like between 2 or 3 days.)
Either from a new breakup/heartbreak (Even though these people HAVE NO HEART and dont go through HEARTBREAK like im going right now)


All i want is her to suffer, i dont kick people when they're down but i really want her to suffer so much, please someone tell me that she will, i just want to know this. She destroyed months of my life and the months to come.

[TsunamiWave]

Hey TsunamiWave, I can't offer you any advice as im still living the aftermath of my failed relationship and her  "moving" on so quickly. 2 weeks after shes been with him since and we've been no contact now for 3 months. That being said You love(d) this person I assume and granted she hurt you but wanting revenge isn't the answer and never should be for several reasons. One being it wont make you feel any better.
"An Eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind"

I have a hard time believing you want her back in your life for "revenge" Then again I've never had that train of thought regarding someone I love or my ex whom I still love so maybe I'm biased. If she did come back. If you still have those feelings of anger do yourself and Her a favor and remain No Contact. She'll likely catch on to your plays and play you harder and you'll be worse off for it. Also I'm a victim of this but don't wait on her coming back it sucks and ruins you and ultimately You and I and everyone else can't tell you if she will or not.

We havent spoken for more than a week after she got her new boyfriend and insulted me, which led me to also insult her.

After this, i stalked her social networks for some days and im on my 3rd day of ZERO contact, this means that i no longer check her instagram or facebook, where she has photos with her new boyfriend and descriptions of how she loves him. Am i doing the right thing?

[TsunamiWave]

I read this on the other post: "Who really is the Borderline? Someone who needed you for awhile because they were scared to be alone."

That quote sums it up. Healthy individuals don't run around telling their partner that they love them, want to be with them forever, have intimate relationships, etc., unless they really mean it. BPDs or those with BPD traits don't mean them in the same way you do. Love doesn't necessarily mean "I want to be with you forever." It means "I need you right now and this is how I can keep you around for today." You have to understand that EVERYTHING you were told in the idealization phase is to be taken with a grain of salt. I know that is hard to fathom for you as it is to me as well.

As you watch them bounce from partner to partner over the next months/years, you will see that each individual was told the same things you were. I was fortunate that I got to hear about my ex telling the new partner the exact same things she told me... .after about a week together (and I was still in the picture). He has since been discarded and two others have taken his place.

I know this hurts. I've been there (still have bad days). But do me a favor, cut off any contact. Lose the notion that she meant anything she said to you, good or bad. She will likely never attach to another person on a deep level. Pretend like you just watched the movie The Sixth Sense. You just found out that your ex was a different person all along... .just like Bruce Willis.

That makes a lot of sense but at the same time is unbelievable to me. I think we tried to think about these people and their actions/reactions as if they were normal, and that was our mistake, its unbelievable but their brains and their emotions do not work the same way as ours, normal individuals. Its really unbelievable because i have NEVER seen anything like this. Its just UNBELIEVABLE.

How can someone do this? By the way, this girl told me that she absolutely hated how people just threw "I love yous" around like its nothing, like they have no meaning. She is so fake, so, so... .

By the way, she has been in a relationship prior to me, with a guy that has cheated on her, kicked her out of his house, insulted her, humillated her in front of her friends, and STILL, time later she begged for a chance, she claims she was obssessed with him and this is what makes me go insane, did she really love him? Was he her true love and i was just a play? In this time she wasnt suffering the way she is now, i think it was this last relationship that triggered her BPD into what it is now, but im not sure... .Again im trying to understand her which is a mistake.

I have cut off all contact, she has blocked me on every social network, and i have stalked hers the following days but stopped and im now on a 3rd day row without seeing anything from her. My birthday comes up next month, will she wish me happy birthday? If she does, what should i do? Ignore her, or insult her?

Which one causes more pain? Ignoring her or insulting her with the worst things possible?

[TsunamiWave]

If we are talking about revenge then have you asked from yourself how would you do it? Im pretty sure that it wont go so easily as you think - that you manage somehow to do break up first and leave her. No, they will screw you one more time. Odds for that are good.
The only way you can win is that you have something against her. Some illegal things she has done or something and you have proofs. Now, if you have these things you again have to think carefully when and how to use it. If you use it wrong then it may bite you.
So calm down, if you have proofs, show these to some people you think who would need to know these things and then again do nothing. Dont go to war just so, it will empty your resources. You will lose sleep and your batteries get empty.

I completely agree, just for the fact that these monsters dont have any feelings and they dont get affected as we do. But, my plan would be to use her to have some fun, and then dump her claiming that the only reason i took her back was for that, and now that i have someone else that i like and i only wanted to have some fun with her. Sounds like a good plan, but this would take her to come back and message me first, which i doubt is going to happen unless she breaks up with her new freshly added boyfriend.

Revenge is pointless it just shows you are hurt and haven't moved on which they get a thrill from.  I managed to get some payback on the way out by ending it then kicking her out and also pointing out her disorder it was then the mask truly slipped then and she looked like a demonic possessed person .

Forget revenge just look after yourself go total NC forever and forget they exist, how this effects them is unimportant.  You know deep down they will repeat the same behavior and end up

A) Dead from suicide/substance abuse
B) In a mental institution
C) Alone unhappy and raging that everyone left them. 

Meanwhile you will have met a normal person and have a fulfilling happy life which they will probably know about as they stalk all their victims on social media.

In our last conversation that we had, when she claimed she was in love with her new boyfriend and insulted me, i made fun of her cutting and told her i never loved her, and that she just had a chance because i was in a tough moment when she came into my life, i hope this brings some pain.

We havent spoken in a week and i havent stalked her stuff in 3 days, which i get a HUGE TENTATION to do, but i end up hurt everytime i check.

I definitely dont wish option A on her, but i definitely would love the other 2 options. And i really hope so, i truly hope with everything that i have that the last 2 options happen.

She has blocked me on social media, facebook and instagram, is there a way she still stalks me? All my facebook posts are Public, and her friend follows me on Instagram.

Also, her friend has messaged me 2 days ago asking how i was, talking about that she has threatned her an that she too was going to abandon her, is there any chance she used her friend to get information about my position/how i feel? Her friend then stopped responding and, likes all of her photos and also comments on them.

[artfuldodger]

Let it go!

I know, you have been told this several times and you don't want to hear it but that is all you need to do right now. Please realise, you have been fortunate enough to experience this earlier on in your life and for few months (a large part of which was online!). Count yourself lucky, cut your losses and move on.

Try and read the experiences of people here who have lost years rather decades to a person with BPD and you will realise how life changing it has been for all of them. For most, the PwBPD was either the love of their life or their spouse. Can you imagine the magnitude of the damage / anguish / disappointment they have suffered?

To be very honest, I strongly feel, all of us who have been at the receiving end of this unhealthy equation, were more or less certain it wasn't going to work out in the long run and yet we held onto it for a long period of time. What was it that kept us hoping against hope? Perhaps, our own issues that we never wanted to confront in the first place. Please realise you're out of this and in no time, that you learnt a huge lesson without investing / losing much.

Also, please realise it is ok to feel hurt and "revengeful", but it is not ok to let her still govern your emotional, mental and physical well being. Indifference is the key here. Stop indulging in a slug fest with her or her friends, it is absolutely pointless and am sure you know you can do better than that. Ignore her and shift your pain, that is the bottomline. 

P.S. I am not by any means trying to undermine your relationship or your pain, but I am trying to point out certain facts. Hope I am of some help.

[artfuldodger]

My ex girlfriend who i broke up with, didnt want to fix things 3 days later and 3 days after that she got a new boyfriend, in the same space of 10 days we have dated, kissed etc and she said she loved me and in those same 10 days she has got into a new relationship and now says she loves this new guy.

How is this humanly possible?

The man I loved married someone behind my back while he kept begging me until the end to not leave him and threatened me with suicide if did. He's written me mails professing his love for me even after he got married and tried contacting me through family and friends. Imagine how sick or twisted that entire thing is. I can't even begin to tell you the damage he inflicted on me. I have lost my ability to trust people and above all my own instincts. Ask me and I'll choose your situation above the one I have been through, any given day of my life.

Please be strong and move on. We deserve better in life.

[TsunamiWave]

Let it go!

I know, you have been told this several times and you don't want to hear it but that is all you need to do right now. Please realise, you have been fortunate enough to experience this earlier on in your life and for few months (a large part of which was online!). Count yourself lucky, cut your losses and move on.

Try and read the experiences of people here who have lost years rather decades to a person with BPD and you will realise how life changing it has been for all of them. For most, the PwBPD was either the love of their life or their spouse. Can you imagine the magnitude of the damage / anguish / disappointment they have suffered?

To be very honest, I strongly feel, all of us who have been at the receiving end of this unhealthy equation, were more or less certain it wasn't going to work out in the long run and yet we held onto it for a long period of time. What was it that kept us hoping against hope? Perhaps, our own issues that we never wanted to confront in the first place. Please realise you're out of this and in no time, that you learnt a huge lesson without investing / losing much.

Also, please realise it is ok to feel hurt and "revengeful", but it is not ok to let her still govern your emotional, mental and physical well being. Indifference is the key here. Stop indulging in a slug fest with her or her friends, it is absolutely pointless and am sure you know you can do better than that. Ignore her and shift your pain, that is the bottomline.  

P.S. I am not by any means trying to undermine your relationship or your pain, but I am trying to point out certain facts. Hope I am of some help.

You are totally right and i thank you for your advice, im definitely "lucky" (even though no one is lucky because we all have these monsters ruining time of our lives) compared to some members of this board, yes most of it was online and we havent met many times, mostly because we kind of live a little far from eachother. We have been together about 6 times but this was definitely one of the most intense relationships that i have ever had, and i cant explain why. I have read that relationships with PwBPD cause unbalances in the brains chemical reactions due the many highs and the many lows, and the highs being really high and the lows really low, you somehow get addicted to this, like a drug and i definitely feel that.

I also agree when you say that we all knew it wasn't going to work in the long time, that's definitely the truth specially the fact that this is motivated by our issues, i for example, im a very lonely person that hasnt had a relationship in a lot of time, so i saw this as my way out, and maybe thats why it hurts so bad, because its not only the fact of being cheated on, insulted, blamed and losing her, its also being going back to where i was with my life. I would say that what causes me the most amount of pain is not losing her, its imagining her with her new guy doing the things i imagined we could be doing. It completely destroys me in ways i can barely explain... .

I have definitely showed her a huge amount of indifference, for example when i broke up with her, i blocked her on every single thing, then 3 days later her friend comes and insults me, which led me to go back and try to fix things with her, where she said she loved me BUT didnt want to come back as of right now just like that, when in reality she had already the other fool/victim lined up (her current bf), so i said i respected the said decision and that i would move on with my life, she then blocks me on everything, and 2 days later posts picture with the said guy saying she loved him and i totally ignored it, gave her no reaction, absolute and total indifference, which led her to insult me some days later over this fact, claiming that i was the worst person in the world, a monster, someone who had a mask on, that she regretted everything, etc. My indifference clearly triggered a huge amount of rage in her, but still, i answer and backfired with insults, that was our last conversation exactly 1 week and 1 day ago.

My birthday is comming up, do you think she will make contact and wish me a Happy Birthday, even though she's dating now? If she does, should i insult her? Say thank you? Or ignore? Which will cause the highest amount of pain in her?

I'm trying to move on, i stopped stalking her social networks 3 days ago. Its very VERY very VERY hard i feel huge tentations which i try to resist, so far 3 days.

[Idsrvt2]

I wish I had answers, mine moved on too and can still deliver mail on my street, walk by my house no care.  I'm barely hanging in most days . I just posted about this today ... .I just can't get my head around it... .it's like they keep chasing something they never will be able to obtain.

Its so crazy, its like they arent capable of loving. Which is weird, because they claim to suffer for love yet they are the ones who move on the fastest

[Tottie]

For the people here who want them to suffer, they suffer every day, they are the biggest victims of their disorder.

They can move on quickly Because they were never attached to you, they were attached by your attention and your love, But not you as a Unique person with bad and good sides. They cannot love a person they never learned to love. They connect love with pain.

Let them live their nightmare and avoid being part of it.

[TsunamiWave]

For the people here who want them to suffer, they suffer every day, they are the biggest victims of their disorder.

They can move on quickly Because they were never attached to you, they were attached by your attention and your love, But not you as a Unique person with bad and good sides. They cannot love a person they never learned to love. They connect love with pain.

Let them live their nightmare and avoid being part of it.

Its so so so weird, why are so afraid of being abandoned yet they are the ones who move on the quickest? Oh right, i forgot the advice... .never apply logic!

Does this mean that they will always love a person that constantly gives them attention and love? Or is there a no win situation where if you dont give them enough of either they go into devaluation phase, and if you do, they get bored of you?

[TsunamiWave]

I wish I had answers, mine moved on too and can still deliver mail on my street, walk by my house no care.  I'm barely hanging in most days . I just posted about this today ... .I just can't get my head around it... .it's like they keep chasing something they never will be able to obtain.

I feel you... .we are in the same situation.