Hello from Silent Shadow

[SilentShadow]

Hello let me introduce myself, I am Silent Shadow and we are married Deaf couple.  Being married to my wife who is living with BPD is very rough and challenging for us.  Before we got married, we have been dating for several months then got engaged then got married one and half year after our first meeting in 2014.   I was married before and our marriage ended in 2012 due to my alcoholism and domestic violence.  I went through spiritual reborn and was made as completely new man where I found my life in God before I met my second wife.

During our dating and engagement, I was not paying attention to her behavior because we are always been on “merry a round” couple that means we are always been happy and having tons of fun being together and doing things together often.  After getting married, she began to show some erratic behavior which attacks the character due to my weakness and flaws which are uncalled.  When made mistakes in my life which was dishonor to marriage, I expected to be room of grace and love will allow me to continue my spiritual growth in eye of God but unfortunately I was attacked with nasty & cruelty message which was completely uncalled for.     We did realized each other what we need professional help, my wife seek professional help because she always thought she had bipolar disorder but her assumption was turned out to be wrong and she was diagnosed with BPD and also she was previously diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder.  I did seek Christian counseling to help me in becoming better husband toward her.

I realized I cannot fight alone in dealing with my wife living with BPD, she knew I need support and guideline in becoming better husband and how I can set healthy boundaries in marriage and how to cope with her living with BPD.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[JoeBPD81]

Welcome to the family,

You are not alone, I'm glad you found this place.

I was attacked with nasty & cruelty message which was completely uncalled for.

This is very common and you'll have to learn to face it knowing it is not about you, the more you know about her, the better you'll afront these things. It is not easy or immediate, but it gets better. Something upsets/scares her, and she reacts to that, not to you, but the only way she knows how to express it is through that "nasty and cruelty", afterwards she will be very ashamed of having talked to you like that, so ashamed she might act as it never happened. Also, the more you know yourself too. You've dealt with addiction that has some similarities with BPD, and when you have insight about your own process, and you can relate to her processes, things can improve a lot.

We all go through a face of not realizing or not wanting to see strange behavior in our loved one. No shame on that.

Take a deep breath, and start this journey, step by step. When you feel like it, start reading the section on your right that says "Basic Tools".

Does she share your religion?

Good luck and God bless.

[SilentShadow]

Does she share your religion?

Thank you for warm message and I truly appreciates your encouraging message to know I am not alone in this kind of struggle.  Yes she does share same religion belief with me.  It is easy way for us however, she continue to torment herself and attacks others and me based on what she have been triggered from verbal abusive background.  Even I never say anything on intention to hurt her feeling, I was trying to help make her understand.

Thank you again.

[hope2727]

I am sorry you are experiencing all this. I admire with your desire to seek help. Please continue to read and counsel and know that you are not alone.