Is it ok to walk away?

[Havehadenuf]

Hi. I'm at the end of my tether with my uBPD brother. I started having panic attacks and feel anxious with the very thought of dealing/communicating/interacting with him and feel that my life and happiness has been significantly affected by his behaviour over the years. It's just been one drama after another. The latest is that he wants my elderly, ill father to support him (and his son) with free accommodation and put his own financial independence at risk. I feel he is asking way too much of him, and everyone in the family (he's also trying to involve me by sending me a lengthy explanation of why our dad should provide him with said accommodation). I know that he hasn't been honest with our dad on the reasons he now "needs" to move. I could go into more detail, but I'm just worn out and don't have the energy or the desire to deal with his stuff anymore. While I realise he's hurting if he is really BPD, I just don't have the strength to deal with the behaviour anymore. Is it ok to walk away from it all? Do I need to justify/explain why?

[Mutt]

Havehadenuf,



I'd like to welcome you to bpdfamily, I'm sorry to hear that you're going through a difficult time. It sounds like your dad probably has boundaries if your brother is trying sway him by going through you. I wouldn't pick sides because you, your dad and your brother make a triangle.

We're just going to use a pwBPD for an example, a pwBPD will rarely cast themselves as persecutor, usually they'll cast themselves as victim or rescuer, BPD is a persecution complex where the person truly believes that their circumstances are caused by others and not by their choices or actions. In your situation, if you'd do as your brother asked, you'd cast yourself as rescuer because your father is cast as persecutor for not giving into the demands of your brother, to stop the drama, you have to remove yourself from this dynamic, be objectionable and not biased by picking a side.



Escaping Conflict and the Karpman Drama Triangle

I'd suggest to self protect because of how it's affecting you, I'm not suggesting to do it permanently, you could do it temporarily until you feel like you're recharged.

[Havehadenuf]

Hi Mutt,

Thank you so much for your response. Your read of the situation is very insightful. I will sit this one out.

[Peacewithin]

Hi, HaveHadEnuf.   

This sounds like a really difficult situation.  I'm sorry that you have to deal with it.

I really like what Mutt suggested.  I've been learning how to let go of what I can (in regards to my BPD mum and enabling dad)... .really hard for me, but soo freeing when I can get there.  Letting go of the drama. 

XO and best wishes.