Introducing myself Vassansara

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Hello I just joined, I would like some insight or clarity on why my spouse acted the way he did. I'm presently in the process of mediation to separate. We have children. I used to think he was not empathetic because he was borderline Asperger so I also excused his controlling and selfish ways thinking that was part of it. I recently realized he may have been deliberately demeaning me everywhere on everything, including in front of the kids, when he was diagnosed with borderline personality with narcissistic tendencies after threatening suicide. Very eye opening. I can't take care of him mentally, emotionally or physically. I'm completely worn out. So much so that I got really sick necessitating surgeries. He was absolutely awful to me during my recovery. He's not physically violent. He sees himself as a victim and says so. I don't trust him and am sometimes afraid of him. I went to a meeting for codependents anonymous. I'm not sure if it's the right place for me. Thank you for listening.

[Vassansara]

Hello I just joined, I would like some insight or clarity on why my spouse acted the way he did. I'm presently in the process of mediation to separate. We have children. I used to think he was not empathetic because he was borderline Asperger so I also excused his controlling and selfish ways thinking that was part of it. I recently realized he may have been deliberately demeaning me everywhere on everything, including in front of the kids, when he was diagnosed with borderline personality with narcissistic tendencies after threatening suicide. Very eye opening. I can't take care of him mentally, emotionally or physically. I'm completely worn out. So much so that I got really sick necessitating surgeries. He was absolutely awful to me during my recovery. He's not physically violent. He sees himself as a victim and says so. I don't trust him and am sometimes afraid of him. I went to a meeting for codependents anonymous. I'm not sure if it's the right place for me. Thank you for listening.

[Mutt]

Hi Vassansara,



I'd like to welcome you to bpdfamily, I'm sorry that you're going through a difficult time post surgery. You are in the right place, many of us here have gone through what you've gone through and are going through, we can offer you advice and support, it helps to talk to others just like you. You're not alone.

I'm going to guess that you're separated and living together? How long have you been separated? Is there chance that you'll reconcile?

[Harley Quinn]

Hi Vassansara and Welcome! 

Sorry to hear about your situation, yet I'm glad you've come here to share, as I feel you'll get a lot of support from our caring community here.  Sounds like you've been going through a lot of difficulties and are experiencing a great deal of impact from this.  How long have you been together and was the suicide threat the first time this has happened?  I notice in your post you mention that you are sometimes afraid of him, but that he is not physically violent.  Would you like to tell us more about his behaviour that frightens you?

I'm emphatic about the fantastic articles and tools available here, and would encourage you to look around to increase your knowledge as this helped me immensely in understanding what I'd encountered in my r/s.  The lessons (links to the right) are a great place to start.  Let us know how best we can support you.  Members can and do find that things get better, so stay with us and we can help you on your journey.

Love and light x 

[lovenature]

You are in a place that is right for your circumstances V. and welcome.

If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck then... .

Keep reading and learning while you navigate this very painful time in your life. Your concern for you and your children shows you are a courageous and sensible person.