Doing so good then this happened.

[JaxDK]

My recovery has steadily been improving to a point where I have more good days than bad. It's been 3 months since we broke up, and 2 months for her and my replacement. Today I got anxiety.

I met him Friday, having to pick up my son. Her ex husband was there dropping off the other kids at the same time. I figured I would go over and introduce myself to my replacement and he gave me this limp handshake, spoke in a low voice I could hardly hear and would barely look me in the eyes. He seemed drunk. I'm still in shock at the downgrade she's with but she seems to love him and that's what matters.

Up until now she has avoided me meeting him. I can only guess as to why. Maybe she's embarrassed? Maybe he's the jealous type I don't know.

She was stressed and clearly in a bad mood when I got there. My initial thought was she hated I had to meet him now but that's again guesswork. Her other ex could have set her off too. She was friendly, nice and helpful to me but definitely not smiling.

Today I had to drop my son off and she arrived with him in his car. She came out and looked again, in a really bad mood and avoided eye contact. I gave her a run down of the day and she hasted over to the car so I could barely say goodbye to my son.

Now I'm worried something's going on and i feel like reaching out to her. My old knight in shining armor rearing his ugly head. I find myself wanting back to a relationship that's not even available to me anymore. I guess my recovery still has a way to go. I have to tell myself she's an adult that can make adult decisions. Even though I know her fear of being alone could potentially land her in a bad relationship.

I guess I could use some encouraging words right about now

[Mutt]

Hi JaxDK,

Her behaviours are driven by BPD, fear of abandonment or not, she still has a responsibility to take care of herself and the disorder. The disorder aside, she's an adult and can choose to be in a r/s with whomever she chooses even though we may not think that she's making the wisest choices, they're hers to make, I suggest to turn the focus from her and focus on you.

You are right, she's ashamed of him that's why she doesn't you to see / meet him.

[JaxDK]

I think the problem is I misread her appearing discomforted and ashamed as her being unhappy. It gave me a second of hope, after letting go of hope and accepting reality as it is. The reality is the same as it was before this. It just set me back a few steps. Now I'm back to doubting my decision to leave and second guessing her part of the dysfunctional relationship.

[Mutt]

Do you have the urge to rescue her?

[JaxDK]

Do you have the urge to rescue her?

I did. This was twice during this weekend I could see something was wrong. The guy was obviously picked out of survival.l and she looked like a woman who was told not to talk to me and even look at me. So yeah ... I'm more level headed about it now though. I'm still recovering from it

[Edenalterego]

I did. This was twice during this weekend I could see something was wrong. The guy was obviously picked out of survival.l and she looked like a woman who was told not to talk to me and even look at me. So yeah ... I'm more level headed about it now though. I'm still recovering from it

Hey JaxDK,

Just want to say that perhaps running a list of why the relationship ended for you could help a little? Some BPDs are prone to abusive relationships, while some others are the cause of abusive relationships themselves. You are still detaching, and you are in a position way better than me in regard to recovery.

Stay strong.
Eden

[JaxDK]

Thanks for your replies, they have helped a lot. I realize the rescuing part of me has become so deeply in bedded in me from being with a "victim" so long. Not a destructive personality mind you. Just a woman always having one ailment or another and stressed about daily life effecting her mood. This was used to manipulate me to take over too many responsibilities to try and mitigate her frailty. It's not a natural part of my personality. It's another bond I need to cut.

I'm fine now. I do wonder why she's being so friendly these days. I've chosen to keep a healthy attitude towards it instead of analyzing. She's probably completely let go of the anger she had, and settled in her new relationship. Having that attitude helps me not to ruminate and over analyze. I take it as another step forward no longer thinking about a possible recycle.

I have an attractive co-worker that seems to have taken an interest. She wants me to go to the gym with her soon. I'll focus on that instead. It may just be what the doc. ordered even if it just turns into a friendship

[Unbiased]

Jax that is exactly what the doctor ordered. Cheers. Let us know how it goes!

[JaxDK]

Jax that is exactly what the doctor ordered. Cheers. Let us know how it goes!

Thank you, will do 

Just gotta keep it on the down low. She's one of the women at my work the ex was jealous about. If it does turn out to something more, it will not go over well.

[Unbiased]

Then handle with care. Just don't loose the opportunity because of an ex. She has forfeited her right to have a say in your Life.

[JaxDK]

Ex just called me today, to tell me she's moving in with her replacement and I need to pick and drop my son off at his place. I hate these setbacks even though they don't last long.

She told me her house is hazardous to live in because of mold, which Is true. She had an appraisal of it, and was advised to find somewhere else to live for the time being. A lot of explaining over the phone. Also talked about how she was angry at her ex husband. He apparently threatened her because she wants child support. That would explain why she's been nice lately. I'm no longer the persecutor. Her ex husband is.

I told her a month ago, she should just sell the house and move in with the guy. She told me, after me and her ex husband she wasn't in any hurry to move in with anybody. Maybe that's why she felt the need to explain all this to me. Maybe she hates showing I've figured her out.

I hate I'm forced to have contact with her