BPD x - still attempting to contact me after a year of nc

[Jacidrinkswine]

I can not have been more clear I don't want any contact whatsoever. I have moved on and am very happy in a new relationship in another state. I fled New York to get away from her. After a nearly a year of nc, hardly a week goes by in which  I don't receive a letter, package, text, email or call. She does not not make explicit threats but vauge references to bad karma by be not responding to her. I Wil never respond to her and want to keep the window shut(extinction). Any thoughts? Has anyone hand similar experiences and for how long?

[Confusedpe]

Sounds pretty extreme and I've been there before.

I must say however did u ever break NC? Anything at all even if it was to tell her to go away or something?

A one worded response generally gets u 6 months of stalking

[Mutt]

Hi Jacdrinkswine,

I can not have been more clear I don't want any contact whatsoever.

Can you rephrase that? Did you tell her that you didn't want contact?

[Jacidrinkswine]

I DONT WANT CONTACT!  There was a 30 second conversation 2 months ago and I emailed her a receipt  she claimed she needed from a purchase from 2014.

[Mutt]

There are only two things that you can control, your thoughts and feelings, you can't control someone else. I'd suggest to set the boundary on you, you can't set a boundary on someone else, you don't want contact, if she does X then I respond with Y, don't respond to anything period.

Think of it this way, if she contacts you 20 times and you respond back on the 21st attempt, it telegraphs to her that she needs to attempt 20 different times until you respond, now if you don't respond at all to any attempts that telegraphs to her that you won't respond.

[Jacidrinkswine]

Thank you- appreciate the input. I have learned much about boundaries and extinction. And have been diligent in implementing these strategies. Clearly here therapy is not working if after 18 months she is still trying to contact me and making passive aggressive threats.  She is well aware that I have zero interest in contact.

[unsureuncertain]

I think NC is definitely the way to go in the beginning. After 18 months, I believe in LC. When my ex kept contacting me and I ignored, she did go away. However, I dealt with custody, financial and employment issues. I can't say with certainty she was behind any of it by looking back, I think LC would have been better because she just knew too much about me. It is better to be on neutral terms than negative. My ex never threatened to harm me. I think she just wanted a friendship which I was unwilling to give her but looking back, perhaps I could have been more flexible and it would have saved me a lot of long term stress.