Is it BPD/NPD or aspergers?

[A or B?]

How do I know? Does he have BPD/NPD or Aspergers? We are separated, but I long for reconciliation. He HATES labels and names, so how do I know? The idea of Aspergers is a new one for me. Stop Walking on Eggshells describes him to a T, but I was recently blown away when I took the online test for Aspergers and was careful not to mark anything I was not certain of. He scored 36. I scored 11. I am not sure if I have stumbled onto something.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

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[foggydew]

Well, I don't think it really matters. I've been through the same questioning, and have come to the conclusion that it is a disorder, and the name doesn't matter. It could even be both/all - for my person, it helps ME to think that he has mild autism (Asperger's) and his family situation coupled with this caused him to develop in the way he has developed. I think we are searching for reasons for behaviour that seems to us unreasonable, and giving it a label makes it more understandable to us. And less hurtful.
We both did the same test as you and your partner, with similar results.

[Mutt]

Hi A or B?



We’re not doctors and cannot diagnose only a professional can do that. What we can look at are traits of the disorder. BPD/NPD can be comorbid, it’s possible that he may both.

Do you have an example of BPD/NPD traits that you connected together?

[Tattered Heart]

HI A or B?,

I have the same questions about my H. He scores extremely high on Aspberger tests, but he also presents with almost every diagnosis criteria for BPD. BPD and Aspberger's present similarly at times and just because someone has one doesn't mean they can't have the other. Only a qualified professional can parse out the difference.

Either way, all of the lessons on the right side of the page will help you communicate better whether he has autism or BPD. I agree with foggydew. For us nons, putting a name on things can help us feel more in control of what is going on in our relationship, but in the end, we have to start working on ourselves and improving how we respond in the relationship.

To get you started, here is a link to one of our workshops on Supporting your pwBPD.