BPD: Can we ever be enough?

[Simarn88]

Hi there. I've read a bit of the posts here and feel like my story is nothing by comparison but here goes.
Met a BPD girl through a friend and was smitten. She was funny, smart, empathetic and being around her was intoxicating. Took me a few months to realise I had fallen for her as she had a partner and I didn't want to be a cheater. But when I did acknowledge this, it caused my relationship of 5 years to break down. She left her abusive partner of 18 months (whom she was unhappy as anything with)and we started dating. Now the pickle is I lived with my ex and long story short had to placate the ex while I dated the BPD (at risk of homelessness).
Everything was fine for the first few weeks till my ex hacked my fb and saw our messages. She contacted my partner and told her 'she could have me'. I told my partner I had to go deal with this new drama and left and by the end told my BPD I wasn't coming back as the ex had my stuff ready to throw out.
Now I didn't want to do this and I feel bad that I didn't defend her and mines relationship when I should have but I thought she accepted my apology and life went on. So the ex couldn't freak out I told her I lost my phone which limited my contact with my partner (hard on both of us) and I couldn't sleep over anymore like I had previously. But we go on and do the relationship with a bit more drama from the ex until one day a week after she needs 'space'. We call it off and I try to give her space but it's hard and I slip up and message her. She explains she is reaching out to her ex to build a bridge forward and that she thought I trusted her. I explain I do but he had slashed both our tyres outside her place one night and had made her unhappy and so I was worried about letting someone like that back in her life. I had a break down the following Saturday as I know her Depression and Anxiety had been worsening (she quit the mess when we started dating as they made her suicidal) and I got a harsh message back that read:

There is no need for you to worry. I am okay. I asked for space and thought you'd respect that. You did help me when I was down and I am grateful for that but we both need to move on and continue our lives as hard as it may be. Please don't message or call me again, if you'd had asked the same I would respect that. I'm sorry but this is the way it has to be.

I was floored. A million possibilities ran through my head, only made worse when I saw her with her ex at the shops. I also found out that she told our mutual friends I was being distant and/or back with my ex (and I can understand that concern) but I wish she had just sat down and told me what she wanted; I.e set sleep overs if possible and more reliable contact. She told me she needed space but told others I was distant etc do not sure what to believe. She has blocked me on everything and deactivated her Facebook and I'm going crazy. The shameful part is that it was just 2 months and I know I shouldn't be this devastated but I am. I guess I'm looking for any insight as she was open about her BPD from the get go and I feel like if I had another chance I could do better this time. Is it worth waiting for her to come back or do I move on?

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Lost-love-mind]

Just 2 mos.?
I'm thinking the amount of time of our r/s doesn't matter, but the extent we "became smitten" or sucked in by the love bombing and her idealized compliment toward us.
While my story is not as complicated as yours (no cheating on my part) it reminds me of how I can't believe the aftermath, particularly the blocking on everything.
From reading this board for the last 3 mos post breakup, it is the way the exBPD puts us out of sight and out of mind and diminish guilt (if any) feelings.

Yes, 3 mos plus and I'm still reeling. Yesterday was particularly bad. As Michael Corleone said "just when you think your out, they pull you back in".

You're in the right place.

[Mutt]

Hi Simarn88,

I guess I'm looking for any insight as she was open about her BPD from the get go and I feel like if I had another chance I could do better this time. Is it worth waiting for her to come back or do I move on?

I'd like to join   beezleconduit and welcome you to bpdfamily These r/s's are not like any other, I wouldn't worry about the two months. Maybe you're thinking that because she's open about her BPD that she should have it under control, in 8 weeks she split you black, it doesn't sound like she's doing therapy?

Check out the stories on the law board https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?board=10.0 divorcing a pwBPD can be a long drawn out ordeal, thousands of dollars in lawer fees, custody battles, parental alienation, co-parenting with a high conflict personality. Do you want something like this in your future?

I think that you dodged a bullet. I'd take inventory and see why I'm not happy in my current r/s and see if there are things that I can change.

[Simarn88]

No therapy, sees a psychologist once a month and recently went off meds. The Black paint phase sucks. But after reading all this and seeing your guys experiences I realise I was luckier than I can imagine. She has gone back to her ex and I wish him luck to keep that up. I don't hate her or resent her; I am sad that she hasn't got the help she needs and I'm hurt I was such an easy target for her. But it isn't my problem anymore. I guess no one likes losing someone they thought they were close to, even if in the end they never cared about you. Cest la vie!

[Lost-love-mind]

I don't hate her or resent her; I am sad that she hasn't got the help she needs and I'm hurt I was such an easy target for her. But it isn't my problem anymore. I guess no one likes losing someone they thought they were close to, even if in the end they never cared about you.

Yes. I wish could say that my exBPD cared about the abrupt breakup.
My only hint she may have cared somewhat was one statement she made in her breakup email.

"It shouldn't be this hard after such a short time".

Maybe she had some remorse, but my constant emails after the breakup probably made it easy to paint me black forever.

Good luck. Stay focused on yourself. It already sounds like your acceptance of the BPD has taken some hold on your healing.