Husband cheated with 6 women and I just found out.

[Dragon Fly]

Please help ! I'm losing my mind... .My husband of 20 years has cheated with 6 women 13 times altogether and I just found out ... .I'm so sad and worried ... .hes says he will never do it again but I dont understand... .He willingly was being with women where they please him and he didn't them and why ? he says he saved his self for home and didn't care about those people ... .feel like he used then as objects. and I am losing my mind and so very hurt and we have 4 sons ... .2 are his and the other 2 step children that are grown now and out of house... .can he stop with the correct therapy or does this continue

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Jeffree]

 

Dragon Fly,

I am so sorry to hear you are suffering so. How in the world did you find out about your spouse's transgressions?

Granted, his emotional well being does seem to be severely compromised, but what leads you to suspect BPD?

Lastly, what would be the difference in how you proceed if he could or can't stop the cheating?

J

[Healng2018]

Dear Dragon Fly:

I so feel your pain.  2 months ago I found out my husband of 20-plus years cheated on me again for the 6th time in our marriage.  Each time, he claims it won’t happen again and he was just feeling low.  I went to a lawyer and told him I was going to file for divorce.  He begged me to give him another chance and that he would “do anything”.  I am so torn on whether I am simply enabling him (again) and that after a few years of “being good”, he will hit another low point and do it again.

We are seeing a therapist who specializes in personality disorders (was treating him for bipolar), and she said that he behavior is not blamed by bipolar, that it is his addictive response to self-esteem issues.

I really want someone to tell me if I should save myself or if there is REAL hope that he can get better.  If I have to go thru this again in a few years when I am at the point of retirement it will literally kill me.