Should I send this letter?

[dumpsterdog]

Dear ex abusive other,

I would like to thank you for the things you did for me s follws :

Thanks you for breaking my piano with a hammer and texting me pics as you did it. It shows you were violent

Thanks you for telling all your frineds I couldnt be trusted and for ingoring me whenever someone else noticed you and pout the attention on you, and for telling any new frind you met that I was a loser so you could stalk new sources of attention without my interference. That was hurtful

Thanks you for calling the locking your self in a room acalling the police many times  because you did not like me being concerened and caring enought to try and make sure you were not cuttiing your self again.

thanks you for calling my parents at 3 a.m. numerous times while we we fighting so you could act like i was abusing you... .and then thank you for telling me you hated them... they really were very nice to you... .you could have apppreciated their kindness. they do not hat eyou , but they hate what you did to me,

Thank you for alienating all my friends, alienating me from your friends, and constantly calling me a loser and always looking for a " better Man "

Thanks your for pushing me down the stairs... and for hitting biting scratching my eyes out, kicking me in the groin, trying to cut off my toes with a hoee, breaking my belongings. punching me in the throat and face ,, and for thowing knives at me. That was fun.

thank you for cutting up all my favorite momento clothing items, like world championship gear, special shirts and hats from special events that i had saved my entire life and tried to keep nice

Thank you for hiding those items under the bed , and then when i found them and ask why you did it... .for saying " i didnt do it "... .Wow... thats when i really knew you had lost your mind and was a complete idiot and liar... .because nobody else COULD HAVE DONE IT... .YOU ARE NUTS


I guess that s agood start... .oh yeah... and thanks for pushing my dog in the pool, and for lettiong my other dog out after taking his collar off and telling me you hope he gets hit by a car...

thanks you for telling me you hate me and want me dead.

thanks you for telling me you cant wait to watch me have a heart attack

thanks for telling me you slept with other men... thanks for the constant reminder " I've been with many men" ... you are not special."

thanks for telling me " what have you ever done with your life, you have nothing to show for it... .and then reading me the list of your accomplishments, most of witch were embellished and delusional.

Thanks for hagnin up the phone numerous times when you couldnt stand the truth.

thanks for kicking kme out of you life and going trolling for other men, then calling me when you needed money or something done around the house... .

thanks for having an online " friendship for over two years with the man you are now " not dating " ... you sleazy slut . lying cheating trailor trash whore.

I guess thats all for now... .Karma,   look for it... it's coming for you.

( any thoughts, advice welcome fro0m readers )

Thanks you for

[Lucky Jim]

Hey dd,  Short answer: No, don't send it.  Why not?  Because it only adds fuel to the fire and your BPD SO is unlikely to accept blame or take responsibility.  My suggestion: Keep it for your own future reference.  LJ

[valet]

Why do you want to send it?

[Harley Quinn]

What would you hope to achieve by sending the letter?  Ask yourself honestly.
 There may be unconscious motivation that you might get a reaction and this could open a dialogue.  You are dealing with a loss here and whether you have positive feelings or negative ones about her as an individual, the feelings you have felt during the r/s have not necessarily upped and left overnight.  Our mind can be craving 'the good times' returning, like an addict craving that next fix.  It was very difficult for me to handle the fact that after all the trauma and abuse, I wanted him so badly, and I was the one to leave.  

You're hurt and it shows in your letter.  Is that what you would want her to see?  We know how that feels and it can make you feel like you need to DO something to make the pain stop.  What could you do for you, yourself, to self soothe that does not involve her in any way shape or form?

I know from experience that after an abusive r/s we have a lot to process and anger is one of these stages that we go through - resenting what has happened and the impacts we are left with.  That anger stems from the pain, in much the same way that a BPD rage could be explained.  Thing is, we do not remain in that place.  Your emotions will go through many changes, and sometimes come up again as you go through this process.  You will not feel the way you do now forever.  I'd suggest you use the writing of this letter for the therapeutic effect it offers, of purging your feelings onto paper/screen.  Then let those feelings pass through you and away in their own time.  :)on't cling to them and become stuck.  Put it aside and return to it in a week's time, or a month's time.  You will find that when you re read your words you will be glad that you didn't send (if you choose not to).  You may be feeling very differently then.  We will be with you as you get there.    

Love and light x

[dumpsterdog]

I dont want to send it... i want her to acknowledge those things and say shes sorry and i want to admit my flaws and say im sorry, and then have everything b e ok... .

Im stillll hoepfull... .and im posting all my ravenous/ anger filled rants on her so that i dont throw them at her... even thought they are much deserved... .because i still view her as a wounded animal who is so badly hurts she tries to bit the one who could helpher oout of pain and fear... .

I want her to let me save her, and take care of her... .but i know that to have any chance of that... i just have to be silent and wait... .and it hurts to feel like shes going throught the honeymoon phae again with someone else... .becaue after all the craps i';ve been through with her... .i deserve her best ... NOT SOMEONE ELSE... .and im hurt and im angry , and i want to destoy him and i want her to come to her senses... .all of that... .so im just posint in herer instead and fealing completely useeless.

beyond hurts... .its like being handcuffed and kicked in the stomach ove and over for somethin i didnt even do.

Im venting on here because its all i can do and i guess i am looking for some magic beans, or at least validation... .and i dont want to admit her betrayal because that means i cant take her back even if she eventually begs... and that makes me even sadder... .

[Mutt]

Hi dumpsterdog,



I can understand how painful it is when you still feelings for an ex and she’s with someone else. It’s tough. You can help speed up your own recovery by letting g go of any hope that you’re going to get back together.

I think that your letter could be viewed as pros and cons mostly cons maybe reread your letter when you start to miss her or you get stuck with only good thoughts about her.when you say silent and wait are you hoping for a recycle?

[dumpsterdog]

yes ... i gues im hoping for a recylce... .far as i know she still stays in touch with a few exes... .i know they are in diffeent state , so i dont think it is sexual... i just think she has this harem of admirers she needs to keep in a locket for her own self esteem... .and i guess they are all fine with it... .and i dont want to be just another boy on a shelf for a rainy day... .and she says our relationahip can never be what i want ... and all i can infer from that is that she cant be monogomous... am i wrong to think that.?

[Speck]

I want her to let me save her, and take care of her... .

Oh, once she gets done with her latest fantasy, she will be more than happy to let you do just that!

but i know that to have any chance of that... i just have to be silent and wait.

You can do that to yourself, but, why?

i deserve her best ...

From what I can tell, she did not give that to you the first time. Think about it. Remember.

and im hurt and im angry

Of course you are, and justifiably so!

and i want her to come to her senses... .all of that... .

This absolutely makes sense, and I can understand why you would feel this way, but, sir, her coming to her senses will have to be a calling that comes from within herself, a need that SHE recognizes and takes responsibility for.

so im just posint in herer instead and fealing completely useeless.

Please do so, as much as you can bear to do it.

Im venting on here because its all i can do and i guess i am looking for some magic beans, or at least validation... .and i dont want to admit her betrayal because that means i cant take her back even if she eventually begs... and that makes me even sadder... .

Yes. This is exactly it. I'm sorry, dumpsterdog. The reality of this really sucks. There are no magic beans.


Hang in there... .and, no, don't send that letter.  It may only make things worse for you.


-Speck