I was able to trick her into adding me to Facebook with a fake account.

[Depression = 72% of members]

This turned out a lot longer than I planned, even though I barely touched the tip of the iceberg. My girlfriend replaced me almost two months ago now, and I'm waiting out trying to get her back. I am not sure if she has BPD, but from my reading this seems to be the right place. Anyone who has the time to read all this will probably wonder why I want her back, but I love her, and I'm determined to give it another try if she will come around.

After being discarded for the third or fourth time like a piece of garbage, I finally decided to sign up here. I met my ex while working retail. She would flirt with me as a customer, and I liked her, but wasn’t interested in dating her. Well, she started working there to get close to me. I liked her a lot as a friend, but she was older, and I wasn’t interested in older women, and I got the sense that love for her was something more shallow than it was for me. She would tell me things like she was never getting married again, she couldn’t cry anymore, she was dead inside, she had been hurt so many times, she threw up so many walls that she had no feelings left, and couldn’t be hurt anymore. She said she was a heartbreaker and every man she dated was addicted to her and she devastated them. She said all her exes said she was high maintenance, but she didn’t understand that. How I wish now that I’d listened to the voice in the back of my head before I got close to her.

We did become very close friends when we started working together. We had a lot of fun when I was training her, and really hit it off. After training, she worked an earlier shift than me, but she would stay every day after she clocked out, and hang out with me on my shift, and help out. Even on days she didn’t work, she would come in when I did to hang out with me. I tried to make it clear that I was only interested in friendship, but she persisted.

One reason I wasn’t interested was that she was married. She told me they were only married for the kids, and they didn’t even talk. She said they hadn’t had relations in seven years. I took her at her word, although there were signs that made me think she was still in love with her husband. Later I’d find out I was right.

Our friendship was great for about a year, and then we went on a few dates, and it was awesome. We got along so well, and never had even the slightest disagreement for a couple years, but we just kept it casual. Then she moved across country. She said they were moving to get closer to her family. I found out later they actually moved to give their marriage a fresh start. The whole time she kept telling me she loved me. I never said it back, because I didn’t want a serious relationship. She can’t have any more kids, and I wanted kids. This was discussed and she understood fully. I did love her, but I didn’t want to lead her on that I wanted to commit to her. She would text me constantly, and if I didn’t answer right away she’d send another text, “you’re ignoring me”. Six months after moving away she came back to visit me, and stayed with me for a week. In the months after that visit I realized I was more deeply in love than I thought, and I wanted a serious relationship with her. I started telling her I loved her, and she was talking about moving in with me, and even about getting married.

One day my phone broke, and I didn’t know how long I’d be without a phone, so I signed up for Facebook so she wouldn’t be worried. This is where things started going bad between us. I went through her Facebook, and I saw some things that surprised me. Certain things about her personality that were antithetical to the woman I knew. It made me feel like I didn’t know her at all. It was like she had pretended to be everything she thought I wanted her to be, but with everyone else she was someone completely different. She blew off my concerns, and said I was being crazy. I let all that go, but what was harder to let go was the posts about her husband.

She had a lot of posts about how her husband was the greatest/sexiest/sweetest guy in the world, pictures of valentine’s gifts, pictures of their dates, screenshots of sweet texts between them (she had him in her phone with a very sweet nickname). The worst stuff was more than a week back in her feed, and I guess she didn’t think I’d go looking back at anything because I am not the type to pry. She accused me of playing investigator, and said I was crazy again, and that it was just glorified bs, that none of it was real, and it was all made up for Facebook. We got into a big fight over this, and she deleted me from Facebook. I simply couldn’t believe that she and her husband came together to create a fake text conversation, just for the purpose of posting it to Facebook, to make her family think they loved each other. A simple Facebook post saying she loves him might have been excused by that, but the sheer volume of posts, the pictures, and the text messages had me convinced they were not just married on paper as she claimed.

There was also another guy from before she moved that I found out she’d been lying about. After a few days of being told the most ridiculous lies and constantly shifting excuses, I finally gave up, and told her I was blocking her because she couldn’t tell the truth, and I didn’t even know who she was anymore. A week later my boss called me. She had called him, crying, and asked him to talk to me, and said she was going to kill herself. I called her up, and she continued to deny everything, but I believed she really loved me, so I let it go. It was nearly a year after that before she finally admitted to me that they had been trying to repair their marriage at that time, but it didn’t last long.

At this point I didn’t trust her anymore, so we got in a few more fights over her husband and other guys, and I was starting to think she was never going to get divorced, but we stayed together. Then her husband came out to her as transgendered. She was completely grossed out by it, and said she didn’t want to be in the same house with him. Things were great between us at this point, she was finally completely done with him, and not just saying she was done with him. She filed for divorce, and moved into an apartment.

A week after she filed for divorce I noticed a change in her behavior though, she was withdrawing from me. I thought she was talking to this other guy whom she had almost certainly had an affair with before she moved. I confronted her about it, and we argued about it a few times over the course of a month. I knew there was something different about the way she was acting, but I didn’t have any proof. Finally, after about six weeks, she said “it’s not him you have to be worried about, it’s my husband.” She said he had completely changed since he was served with divorce papers. She said it was a wake-up call to him, and they were getting along better than they had in over 15 years. She told me they were best friends again, but that was it, they were only friends. I asked her if she still loved him, and she said she’d always love him, but they were only friends now. I told her I had the impression that I was just a consolation prize, and that no matter what, I would always be living in the shadow of her memories of him. She said, “I’m not gonna lie, he was my prince charming - I will never be able to love you the way I loved him. That’s over though, he and I are just friends, and I love you”.

I had always had this feeling that I wasn’t her type, so I asked her who was more attractive, and she said he was. I wasn’t surprised. I’m on the short end, and he is very tall. My height never bothered me before I met her, but she always tried to give me a complex for it, consciously or not. I was devastated by what I was hearing, but I didn’t get mad. The whole thing was just a dagger through my heart, I was too hurt to be angry. I didn’t believe that they were just friends. I knew she was trialing reconciliation with him, and just trying to keep me on the back burner in case it didn’t work out.

She continued to be distant for another two months, lying to me constantly. She was always “sleeping”. One day she was not responding to me, and she finally text me, “on the phone with K-----. I’ll call you when I get off”. A couple hours go by and I call her, her phone is turned off, it goes directly to voicemail. After five hours it starts ringing again, but she doesn’t answer. Texts me, “still on the phone with K----”.  When I finally talked to her we had the most ridiculous, obtuse conversation that I’ve ever had in my life. She was lying to me over and over, I had caught her red-handed, lying, changing her story, and she just laughed at me and continued to rotate through the lies. This was the first time I ever yelled at her. She just started laughing more, and repeating her lies, and asked me if I wanted to have phone sex. I think my anger turned her on. I said no, I don’t want to have phone sex, and I hung up.

I tried to let it go, but she was withdrawing more and more. She kept insisting she was still getting divorced, so I finally looked it up on the court website, and found that the divorce had been placed on the dismissal calendar because she skipped the hearing. She said she had no idea about that, and said the notice must’ve gone to her husband, and he didn’t tell her. She said she would call her lawyer and find out what was going on. Well, a month later she admitted that they had mutually agreed not to go to the hearing, but that it was just for tax purposes, and they would get divorced in January. Two weeks later she just stopped returning my messages and calls. No explanation, no goodbye, nothing.

I text her about once a week, something along the lines of, “I still love you”, or “I miss you”. After about six weeks of this, it was Thanksgiving. I text her, “Happy Thanksgiving”, and she text me back, “Happy Thanksgiving”. We started talking again, but she said she just wanted to be friends.

About 7 months later I wound up getting access to her Facebook again by creating a fake profile of someone she used to know, and adding her. I’m not proud of doing that, but my head was so turned around I had to find what was real somehow. Anyways, I found out then that she had a big fight with her husband on Thanksgiving. She had been posting all kinds of stuff over the previous months about him again, and especially during those six weeks where she was ignoring me. Then on Thanksgiving she posted something along the lines of, “nothing shocks me anymore. I’m done”.  She never did tell me what happened.

She did tell me that he had started going to therapy after the divorce papers were served, but that he didn’t follow through. I assume she caught him indulging in his transgender obsession again. So over the next month after Thanksgiving, we got closer and closer again, but after the new year she began to withdraw again. I suspected she was juggling her husband and me yet again. I found out she stayed over at his house sometimes. She said that she slept in his bed, but they had their clothes on. We fought about this, but as always she made me feel guilty and in the wrong for not understanding, and I let it go. We would still argue about once a week over him though, and the arguments got worse and worse. It was January so she was finally forced to admit that they weren’t getting divorced at all. Of course it was just for convenience, because it “didn’t matter, it was just a piece of paper”. During our arguments at this time, I said some very mean things that I regretted, and messed up and made a threat that I did not mean at all, which she would save to use against me.

At the end of February, she had to move out of her apartment because she could no longer afford it. She told me before she moved that she was moving into her dad’s, and we wouldn’t be able to talk much because her dad doesn’t allow cell phone use, so she could only text me from the bedroom. Ok fine, I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt. Then after one week there, we got into an argument, and she told me her dad was threatening to make her switch phones with him if she didn’t stop talking to me. After another week we got into another argument via text. I called her, and a man answered the phone and told me not to contact her again. I then got the silent treatment for a few days.

I was texting her, apologizing, and asking what was going on. I got a text from her that was written as if directed towards her mom, begging her mom to call me and let me know that she’s not allowed to talk to me, and that a message was sent out to everyone she knows to contact the FBI if I contacted them. Who knows if she was really asking her mom to do that, or if she meant to send that to me. I text her a few more times, and she text me something along the lines of “F it. My dad can’t know I’m talking to you though. He is going to kill me if he finds out.”, and then said she’d missed me.

A week later we got into another argument via text, and I called her. A man answered and threatened to kill me if I contacted her again. For over two months I tried to reach out to her, but she wouldn’t respond at all. Then the FBI showed up at my door, and said a complaint had been made that I was harassing her, and asked for my side of the story. She had saved the mean text messages I sent her and gave them to them. She had also told them that we never had a relationship. She told them I was delusional, and started stalking her after we worked together. I told them the truth, and they said we can just let this go, but she filed a restraining order against you, so don’t contact her again. As it turns out she never served me with the restraining order, although she said when she started talking to me again that she did take one out, but shredded it.

She contacted me almost three months later from a fake Facebook account, so about five months since the last time I’d heard from her. She initially pretended to be a friend of hers, and berated me for some posts that I had on Facebook, and said what I posted was far worse than anything she ever did to me. It only took about two messages for me to know that it was actually her. I played along, but after a half hour I made it clear that I knew it was her, but the veil stayed on for another day or two. She said she missed me so much, and there were so many times she wanted to text me, but the FBI had told her she wasn’t allowed to contact me for one year. She said she never wanted to get the law involved, she said her mom called the police to get information on how to stop me from contacting her, and the FBI showed up at her house. She said they were just thrown at her, and she didn’t know what to do. She told me she lied to them because she researched it, and found that was a way to protect me and get them to drop everything. None of what she said made sense, but I let it go. I was so happy to have her back, I ignored all the lies, and I told her I just didn’t want to fight anymore. We talked for a couple of months, and everything was great. She told me she wanted to be with me forever, and was so thankful for me, and apologized for the way she hurt me in the past, but swore through it all she never stopped loving me, and I was always the only one she wanted. She asked me to come see her and I did.

She made up some excuses to stay at the hotel with me for a week. She conveniently had her phone stop working the day before I got there, and she had to reset it and lost all her text messages, and didn’t have Facebook on it anymore. I said “that’s convenient”, but said nothing else about it. We had a great time together, and when I went back home she said she wanted me to move there, and she would move in with me. She said she would move in with me in my state, but can’t until she’s done with her parents, meaning when they die. They both have cancer.

[dazed_n_confused]

This turned out a lot longer than I planned, even though I barely touched the tip of the iceberg. My girlfriend replaced me almost two months ago now, and I'm waiting out trying to get her back. I am not sure if she has BPD, but from my reading this seems to be the right place. Anyone who has the time to read all this will probably wonder why I want her back, but I love her, and I'm determined to give it another try if she will come around.

After being discarded for the third or fourth time like a piece of garbage, I finally decided to sign up here. I met my ex while working retail. She would flirt with me as a customer, and I liked her, but wasn’t interested in dating her. Well, she started working there to get close to me. I liked her a lot as a friend, but she was older, and I wasn’t interested in older women, and I got the sense that love for her was something more shallow than it was for me. She would tell me things like she was never getting married again, she couldn’t cry anymore, she was dead inside, she had been hurt so many times, she threw up so many walls that she had no feelings left, and couldn’t be hurt anymore. She said she was a heartbreaker and every man she dated was addicted to her and she devastated them. She said all her exes said she was high maintenance, but she didn’t understand that. How I wish now that I’d listened to the voice in the back of my head before I got close to her.

We did become very close friends when we started working together. We had a lot of fun when I was training her, and really hit it off. After training, she worked an earlier shift than me, but she would stay every day after she clocked out, and hang out with me on my shift, and help out. Even on days she didn’t work, she would come in when I did to hang out with me. I tried to make it clear that I was only interested in friendship, but she persisted.

One reason I wasn’t interested was that she was married. She told me they were only married for the kids, and they didn’t even talk. She said they hadn’t had relations in seven years. I took her at her word, although there were signs that made me think she was still in love with her husband. Later I’d find out I was right.

Our friendship was great for about a year, and then we went on a few dates, and it was awesome. We got along so well, and never had even the slightest disagreement for a couple years, but we just kept it casual. Then she moved across country. She said they were moving to get closer to her family. I found out later they actually moved to give their marriage a fresh start. The whole time she kept telling me she loved me. I never said it back, because I didn’t want a serious relationship. She can’t have any more kids, and I wanted kids. This was discussed and she understood fully. I did love her, but I didn’t want to lead her on that I wanted to commit to her. She would text me constantly, and if I didn’t answer right away she’d send another text, “you’re ignoring me”. Six months after moving away she came back to visit me, and stayed with me for a week. In the months after that visit I realized I was more deeply in love than I thought, and I wanted a serious relationship with her. I started telling her I loved her, and she was talking about moving in with me, and even about getting married.

One day my phone broke, and I didn’t know how long I’d be without a phone, so I signed up for Facebook so she wouldn’t be worried. This is where things started going bad between us. I went through her Facebook, and I saw some things that surprised me. Certain things about her personality that were antithetical to the woman I knew. It made me feel like I didn’t know her at all. It was like she had pretended to be everything she thought I wanted her to be, but with everyone else she was someone completely different. She blew off my concerns, and said I was being crazy. I let all that go, but what was harder to let go was the posts about her husband.

She had a lot of posts about how her husband was the greatest/sexiest/sweetest guy in the world, pictures of valentine’s gifts, pictures of their dates, screenshots of sweet texts between them (she had him in her phone with a very sweet nickname). The worst stuff was more than a week back in her feed, and I guess she didn’t think I’d go looking back at anything because I am not the type to pry. She accused me of playing investigator, and said I was crazy again, and that it was just glorified bs, that none of it was real, and it was all made up for Facebook. We got into a big fight over this, and she deleted me from Facebook. I simply couldn’t believe that she and her husband came together to create a fake text conversation, just for the purpose of posting it to Facebook, to make her family think they loved each other. A simple Facebook post saying she loves him might have been excused by that, but the sheer volume of posts, the pictures, and the text messages had me convinced they were not just married on paper as she claimed.

There was also another guy from before she moved that I found out she’d been lying about. After a few days of being told the most ridiculous lies and constantly shifting excuses, I finally gave up, and told her I was blocking her because she couldn’t tell the truth, and I didn’t even know who she was anymore. A week later my boss called me. She had called him, crying, and asked him to talk to me, and said she was going to kill herself. I called her up, and she continued to deny everything, but I believed she really loved me, so I let it go. It was nearly a year after that before she finally admitted to me that they had been trying to repair their marriage at that time, but it didn’t last long.

At this point I didn’t trust her anymore, so we got in a few more fights over her husband and other guys, and I was starting to think she was never going to get divorced, but we stayed together. Then her husband came out to her as transgendered. She was completely grossed out by it, and said she didn’t want to be in the same house with him. Things were great between us at this point, she was finally completely done with him, and not just saying she was done with him. She filed for divorce, and moved into an apartment.

A week after she filed for divorce I noticed a change in her behavior though, she was withdrawing from me. I thought she was talking to this other guy whom she had almost certainly had an affair with before she moved. I confronted her about it, and we argued about it a few times over the course of a month. I knew there was something different about the way she was acting, but I didn’t have any proof. Finally, after about six weeks, she said “it’s not him you have to be worried about, it’s my husband.” She said he had completely changed since he was served with divorce papers. She said it was a wake-up call to him, and they were getting along better than they had in over 15 years. She told me they were best friends again, but that was it, they were only friends. I asked her if she still loved him, and she said she’d always love him, but they were only friends now. I told her I had the impression that I was just a consolation prize, and that no matter what, I would always be living in the shadow of her memories of him. She said, “I’m not gonna lie, he was my prince charming - I will never be able to love you the way I loved him. That’s over though, he and I are just friends, and I love you”.

I had always had this feeling that I wasn’t her type, so I asked her who was more attractive, and she said he was. I wasn’t surprised. I’m on the short end, and he is very tall. My height never bothered me before I met her, but she always tried to give me a complex for it, consciously or not. I was devastated by what I was hearing, but I didn’t get mad. The whole thing was just a dagger through my heart, I was too hurt to be angry. I didn’t believe that they were just friends. I knew she was trialing reconciliation with him, and just trying to keep me on the back burner in case it didn’t work out.

She continued to be distant for another two months, lying to me constantly. She was always “sleeping”. One day she was not responding to me, and she finally text me, “on the phone with K-----. I’ll call you when I get off”. A couple hours go by and I call her, her phone is turned off, it goes directly to voicemail. After five hours it starts ringing again, but she doesn’t answer. Texts me, “still on the phone with K----”.  When I finally talked to her we had the most ridiculous, obtuse conversation that I’ve ever had in my life. She was lying to me over and over, I had caught her red-handed, lying, changing her story, and she just laughed at me and continued to rotate through the lies. This was the first time I ever yelled at her. She just started laughing more, and repeating her lies, and asked me if I wanted to have phone sex. I think my anger turned her on. I said no, I don’t want to have phone sex, and I hung up.

I tried to let it go, but she was withdrawing more and more. She kept insisting she was still getting divorced, so I finally looked it up on the court website, and found that the divorce had been placed on the dismissal calendar because she skipped the hearing. She said she had no idea about that, and said the notice must’ve gone to her husband, and he didn’t tell her. She said she would call her lawyer and find out what was going on. Well, a month later she admitted that they had mutually agreed not to go to the hearing, but that it was just for tax purposes, and they would get divorced in January. Two weeks later she just stopped returning my messages and calls. No explanation, no goodbye, nothing.

I text her about once a week, something along the lines of, “I still love you”, or “I miss you”. After about six weeks of this, it was Thanksgiving. I text her, “Happy Thanksgiving”, and she text me back, “Happy Thanksgiving”. We started talking again, but she said she just wanted to be friends.

About 7 months later I wound up getting access to her Facebook again by creating a fake profile of someone she used to know, and adding her. I’m not proud of doing that, but my head was so turned around I had to find what was real somehow. Anyways, I found out then that she had a big fight with her husband on Thanksgiving. She had been posting all kinds of stuff over the previous months about him again, and especially during those six weeks where she was ignoring me. Then on Thanksgiving she posted something along the lines of, “nothing shocks me anymore. I’m done”.  She never did tell me what happened.

She did tell me that he had started going to therapy after the divorce papers were served, but that he didn’t follow through. I assume she caught him indulging in his transgender obsession again. So over the next month after Thanksgiving, we got closer and closer again, but after the new year she began to withdraw again. I suspected she was juggling her husband and me yet again. I found out she stayed over at his house sometimes. She said that she slept in his bed, but they had their clothes on. We fought about this, but as always she made me feel guilty and in the wrong for not understanding, and I let it go. We would still argue about once a week over him though, and the arguments got worse and worse. It was January so she was finally forced to admit that they weren’t getting divorced at all. Of course it was just for convenience, because it “didn’t matter, it was just a piece of paper”. During our arguments at this time, I said some very mean things that I regretted, and messed up and made a threat that I did not mean at all, which she would save to use against me.

At the end of February, she had to move out of her apartment because she could no longer afford it. She told me before she moved that she was moving into her dad’s, and we wouldn’t be able to talk much because her dad doesn’t allow cell phone use, so she could only text me from the bedroom. Ok fine, I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt. Then after one week there, we got into an argument, and she told me her dad was threatening to make her switch phones with him if she didn’t stop talking to me. After another week we got into another argument via text. I called her, and a man answered the phone and told me not to contact her again. I then got the silent treatment for a few days.

I was texting her, apologizing, and asking what was going on. I got a text from her that was written as if directed towards her mom, begging her mom to call me and let me know that she’s not allowed to talk to me, and that a message was sent out to everyone she knows to contact the FBI if I contacted them. Who knows if she was really asking her mom to do that, or if she meant to send that to me. I text her a few more times, and she text me something along the lines of “F it. My dad can’t know I’m talking to you though. He is going to kill me if he finds out.”, and then said she’d missed me.

A week later we got into another argument via text, and I called her. A man answered and threatened to kill me if I contacted her again. For over two months I tried to reach out to her, but she wouldn’t respond at all. Then the FBI showed up at my door, and said a complaint had been made that I was harassing her, and asked for my side of the story. She had saved the mean text messages I sent her and gave them to them. She had also told them that we never had a relationship. She told them I was delusional, and started stalking her after we worked together. I told them the truth, and they said we can just let this go, but she filed a restraining order against you, so don’t contact her again. As it turns out she never served me with the restraining order, although she said when she started talking to me again that she did take one out, but shredded it.

She contacted me almost three months later from a fake Facebook account, so about five months since the last time I’d heard from her. She initially pretended to be a friend of hers, and berated me for some posts that I had on Facebook, and said what I posted was far worse than anything she ever did to me. It only took about two messages for me to know that it was actually her. I played along, but after a half hour I made it clear that I knew it was her, but the veil stayed on for another day or two. She said she missed me so much, and there were so many times she wanted to text me, but the FBI had told her she wasn’t allowed to contact me for one year. She said she never wanted to get the law involved, she said her mom called the police to get information on how to stop me from contacting her, and the FBI showed up at her house. She said they were just thrown at her, and she didn’t know what to do. She told me she lied to them because she researched it, and found that was a way to protect me and get them to drop everything. None of what she said made sense, but I let it go. I was so happy to have her back, I ignored all the lies, and I told her I just didn’t want to fight anymore. We talked for a couple of months, and everything was great. She told me she wanted to be with me forever, and was so thankful for me, and apologized for the way she hurt me in the past, but swore through it all she never stopped loving me, and I was always the only one she wanted. She asked me to come see her and I did.

She made up some excuses to stay at the hotel with me for a week. She conveniently had her phone stop working the day before I got there, and she had to reset it and lost all her text messages, and didn’t have Facebook on it anymore. I said “that’s convenient”, but said nothing else about it. We had a great time together, and when I went back home she said she wanted me to move there, and she would move in with me. She said she would move in with me in my state, but can’t until she’s done with her parents, meaning when they die. They both have cancer.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[dazed_n_confused]

... .continued

At some point before she asked me to come see her is when I was able to trick her into adding me to Facebook with a fake account. I found that she had not moved in with her dad after all, she had moved back in with her husband, and there was all kinds of stuff on there about how great their marriage was again. She again said it was all glorified bs for family, and that nothing happened between them. I told her I didn’t believe her, but it’s in the past, and I don’t want to fight, I just needed her to be honest and committed to me going forward. She insisted she wasn’t hiding anything.

Soon after, I was helping her with some financial things, and she gave her Gmail login to make it easier. After I helped her, she said I could look through all her emails to see she’s not hiding anything, so I did. I found a couple things she lied about in her trash folder, but I didn’t make an issue out of it. I then looked through her phone activity, and I was about to log out of it when I found she had deleted Tinder one week after we started talking again. So I kept scrolling back and found that she had accessed Tinder the first few days we were talking, and a dozen times a day for two months prior. I told her I wasn’t mad at her, but I needed her to be honest with me, and told her what I found. I told her we were supposed to be starting out with a clean slate, with no secrets, and I needed to know what happened. She first denied ever having Tinder until I told her how I knew, and she said her daughter made her an account, but she never used it. So I told her it was accessed for two months every day. She said her daughter would go on it when she came over, but she never had anything to do with it herself. She said her daughter was trying to find her someone, but she kept telling her she wasn’t interested. So I let her know that I knew she accessed it dozen plus times a day, from the time she got up until the time she went to bed, and that it was only possible for it to be her daughter every time if her daughter had her phone 24/7.

Of course I became the bad guy for accusing her. So I checked her location history, and found evidence of her going on dates, and she denied ever going to those places. I told her it’s ok, since we weren’t talking at the time, and we are starting over now, but we can’t start over on a base of more lies. I was upset that she had told me she could only think of me, and never wanted anyone else, but she really only contacted me again after she failed to find anyone decent on Tinder. I didn’t want to make an issue out of that though, I just wanted her to be honest. We argued about this for a couple days, before I let it go because she would not tell the truth, and I accepted that she just was afraid of hurting my feelings, and she didn’t want to feel shame and guilt.

It was too late though, she began to withdraw. Some days she was all over me, but other days she was “sleeping” all day. I began to think she was juggling me and her husband again. Over the next two months we fought a few times about it, but not major fights. I would just say something about how much she was sleeping, and she would say she’s tired of being accused, and then I would apologize and try to change the subject. Then she stopped telling me she loved me and a week later we were arguing for a few days straight. I told her I felt like she didn’t care about me, and I was going to stop texting her and wait for her to text me when she was ready to stop fighting.

I text her a week later, and she told me she was done with me, and she just wanted to be friends. She was on vacation from work, and I kept trying to talk to her for a week, but she was “sleeping” 18 hours a day, and “busy” the rest of the day. I apologized profusely every day, and told her I wanted to work things out. She just kept telling me, “I don’t want to be with anyone. I just want to be alone. I’m done with men.” It’s the same thing she used to tell me all the time when she was on with her husband and off with me. After a week of that she finally told me that an old friend had contacted her a week ago, and she had developed feelings for him. I pleaded with her to give me another chance first, and the next day she told me she made the whole thing up. I saw a friend recommendation on Facebook though of someone she was friends with when she lived near me, and he fit the description of the guy she was describing to me the day before. So I looked at his profile, and I saw her telling him that she loved him, and liking all his posts. I messaged him, and asked if anything was going on between them, and he said yes, and threatened to call the FBI on me.

She had told him at the time when she ignored me for five months that I was stalking her. When he messaged me back and told me they were together, I called her immediately, and she didn’t answer. I text her, “we need to talk”. A few minutes later, she answered the phone. I told her, I messaged him, and she said she knew, he sent it to her. She told me nothing was going on between them, he just said that to try and protect her. She swore she would never in a million years date him, and was offended that I would think she would ever date him because he’s not attractive, he has five kids, and way too many issues. Then she said she had to go because her mom was calling. It was a couple hours later before I was able to get her back on the phone. He was the one who had called her, not her mom. She told me not to message him again because he was serious about calling the FBI. I asked why would he do that if she told him the truth that we were actually together until last week, and we are friends now? She didn’t have an answer, she just swore again they were just friends, and he was just trying to protect her. I told her I didn’t believe it, but she hasn’t done anything with him yet, so if she breaks it off we can forget about it. She had to go again because she said her son was home from school, but it was still a couple hours before school let out. Obviously he had called her back. They apparently argued on the phone for about 8 hours while he messaged me on Facebook periodically, trying to verify the truth. He finally messaged me a conciliatory message at the end of the night saying he’s just focusing on making money. Then she text me, telling me to leave her alone and stop sabotaging her life.

Next couple days she would barely talk to me, and I saw her practically begging him to tell her he loves her on all of his posts. We talked, and she told me we’d always be friends, but she doesn’t want a relationship with me anymore. Then they obviously made up, and she commented on a picture of his kid, saying she couldn’t wait to meet him. I asked her when she was going to see him, and she said she wasn’t, and that I was crazy for reading too much into things. I confronted her about all the “love” comments, and “my sweetness”. She showed me a screenshot of her telling a female friend that she loved her, and said it means nothing, and again called me crazy for that. She continued to insist they were just friends, and she wasn’t going to see him. We were arguing about this, and I accused her of talking to him, she said she hadn’t to him, and probably wouldn’t. I could tell she was on the phone with someone because I kept calling her, and she just let it ring instead of declining it. I said “I know you talked to him, I’m not stupid. You said you’d call me later, and you didn’t, and now you say you’re going to bed early”. She text me back, “YES! I DID TALK TO HIM, AND HE TOLD ME TO BLOCK YOU” Then she blocked me, and she hasn’t unblocked me since, and it’s been almost six weeks.

She has messaged me a couple of times from her fake Facebook profile, and finally admitted they are together, and told me to leave her alone, but refused to say anything else. Then I told her some things I had found out about him, and that I thought something was going on between him and this one girl in particular. This was the only time she would say anything else to me. She told me she knew about that girl already and nothing was going on, but she wanted to find out what I knew. A couple days later he sent me a text message threatening to have me arrested, and telling me I better not contact her ever again. She hasn’t replied to me since. From Facebook I found out that she is going to see him on Valentine’s Day. Within the last week all of her family added him to Facebook.

Last night she threw me for a loop because she changed her profile picture, and she was wearing the necklace that I gave her a few months ago with our birthstones on it. I had previously told her that she shouldn’t wear it if she didn’t love me, and she said she would take it off. She also refuses to send back the engagement ring I gave her. She still logs into her fake Facebook account that she only uses for communicating with me, and she reads my messages but never responds anymore. From what I’ve read about BPD, it sounds like her, and I wonder if she is even capable of loving anyone.

I’m not perfect, but at least I admit my faults to her, and I work on them. She has only apologized to me one time, and it wasn’t for anything specifically, it was just in general for hurting me. I apologized to her over and over, and did change to suit her needs, but it was never enough. I accepted things that I never should’ve accepted. Now though, it looks like she is letting her new guy control her. He forbade her from talking to me, so she blocks me, and I gather that she installed a monitoring app on her phone for him. She wouldn’t even let me back on Facebook after the first time she blocked me, let alone allow me to monitor all of her texts. I don’t understand how this guy has such a hold over her when she controlled our relationship completely.

I am far better looking than him, more financially stable, and I am far more intelligent. Out of all the guys she’s been with that I know of, he is by far the ugliest and dumbest, yet she seems to bend over backwards to do anything for him, whereas she treated me and her husband like dirt. Her personality has done a complete 180 since leaving me and getting with him. Perhaps in our early days she would’ve let me control her the way her new guy does, but I never tried to because I’m not that kind of guy. By the time I had reason to start asking to see text messages, the idealization phase was long over.

The way she treated me, she seems to exhibit all the BPD signs I’ve read about: discarding me when she’s done, and with no closure and no explanation, recycling, idealization, then devaluation, complete and total denial of reality. I didn’t mean for this to be so long, I left out most details, and tried to make it brief. If anyone makes it through this, I hope they can give me an experienced opinion on if I’m dealing with someone with BPD. I think she also has a degree of NPD. I also wonder if she might come back to me again after the honeymoon phase is over with her new guy, and if there is any hope of being able to have a lasting, committed, and healthy relationship with someone like this. I have asked her repeatedly to do relationship counseling with me, and she refuses. I only asked her during the devaluation phases though. My hope is that if I ever get back to an idealization phase with her, that she will be more open to therapy at that point. Despite everything, I still love her with all my heart, and feel like deep down she has a good heart too. Since her new guy is also a long distance relationship, I worry that the honeymoon phase with this guy will be prolonged, and I will be ignored for much longer than the 5 months I was ignored for when she was with her husband. The new guy is a narcissist, in my opinion, so she is falling hard for him, and I think he is already cheating on her. It’s easy for him to pull the wool over her eyes though with a 2,000-mile buffer zone, so I’m realizing now that it may be years before I hear from again this time.

[Mutt]

Hi dazed_confused,



Id like to welcome you to bpdfamily. I’m sorry that you’re going through this it sounded like you went through a rollercoaster between the H, the FBI and the new guy.

I’m not perfect, but at least I admit my faults to her, and I work on them. She has only apologized to me one time, and it wasn’t for anything specifically, it was just in general for hurting me

Im not a professional and I can’t diagnose your gf only a professional can do that. What we can look at are BPD traits and themes that stuck out for in your posts is emotional immaturity and projection. A pwBPD will blame the world for their problems.

There’s a lot going on here and there is a solution that can help you get off the emotional rollercoaster on this board by detaching. Do you want to learn the communication tools for a r/s with a pwBPD or are you done with the r/s?

[Woolspinner2000]

Welcome dazed_confused, 

There is an awful lot going on in your life right now, and I can only imagine how truly dazed and confused you must be. So much up and down and back and forth.

For a moment I would like you to think only about yourself, for that is the place where we can start to heal the insecure wounded places inside of us. What would you like to see strengthened in your own life? How could that change your life?

Wools

[Speck]

Hello, dazed_n_confused, and welcome.

It appears that you've come to the right place to find some answers, and I hope that you do.  It appears that you've been through the ringer with your xGF, and yes, I read the whole thing. Some things that stand out for me are as follows:

The way she treated me, she seems to exhibit all the BPD signs I’ve read about: discarding me when she’s done, and with no closure and no explanation, recycling, idealization, then devaluation, complete and total denial of reality.

Since you realize this about her, why would you put yourself and your heart back through the meat grinder with her? What is it about all that drama that appeals to you?

I didn’t mean for this to be so long, I left out most details, and tried to make it brief.

No worries.  Writing it all out is a therapeutic process, and helps you see what you've been through and may help you develop action steps to assist you in your romantic future.

If anyone makes it through this, I hope they can give me an experienced opinion on if I’m dealing with someone with BPD.

I made it through what you wrote, but I cannot tell you if you are dealing with someone who suffers with BPD or not.  As has been said before on this site, only a trained professional can diagnose personality disorders.  Having said that, the main take home message is this: Your xGF appears to have trouble with telling you the truth, seems to LOVE drama, and does a fair amount of "monkey-branching."

I also wonder if she might come back to me again after the honeymoon phase is over with her new guy

Despite your xGF having a "new guy", isn't your xGF still married?  The odds of her recycling you are 50/50, depending on what is going on in her life, but that's just the thing: Why are you willing to be someone's Plan B? 

... .and if there is any hope of being able to have a lasting, committed, and healthy relationship with someone like this.

I think you already know the answer to this, as her actions and behavior have already informed you of what she is capable... .but it doesn't look healthy to me.

so I’m realizing now that it may be years before I hear from her again this time.

That may be the best gift she ever gave you!  Use the time to work on loving yourself well.

Thank you for sharing your story here at bpdfamily.  It takes a lot of courage to open yourself up for critique and advice.  From what I've read that you've shared, it seems that what you have been through with your xGF has been equal parts exhilarating and agonizing.  Crazy-making for sure, but not exactly a loving and healthy relationship.  I think you deserve better.

Keep writing, if it helps.  We're here to listen.


-Speck 

[JNChell]

dazed, let’s try something constructive if you’re up for it. Pick out every red flag  from your post and type it out here on this thread. I’ve been where you are now, as have many others on here. We’re all here to heal and to make sense of what we’ve been through. I’m sorry that you’re hurting. You’ll be ok. It does get better.

[FindingMe2011]

, but I love her,

Oh yes, I remember this line of thinking also... .Can you tell me, where your love for yourself, fits in?

My hope is that if I ever get back to an idealization phase with her, that she will be more open to therapy at that point.

You are grieving, understand the 5 stages of grief... .You will bounce all over the first 4, before you can reach acceptance. Read up on co-dependency, its possible, this has had an effect, on your beliefs of love... .Looking to regain the honeymoon stage, will serve nobody well. Its a toxic trauma bond, with zero chance of reliving the fantasy. Its known as recycling... .Believing, another person holds the key to your happiness, is a tough task to handle... .with hard work, you can take back the keys,... .I wish u well, PEACE

[dazed_n_confused]

Hi dazed_confused,



Id like to welcome you to bpdfamily. I’m sorry that you’re going through this it sounded like you went through a rollercoaster between the H, the FBI and the new guy.

Im not a professional and I can’t diagnose your gf only a professional can do that. What we can look at are BPD traits and themes that stuck out for in your posts is emotional immaturity and projection. A pwBPD will blame the world for their problems.

There’s a lot going on here and there is a solution that can help you get off the emotional rollercoaster on this board by detaching. Do you want to learn the communication tools for a r/s with a pwBPD or are you done with the r/s?

I know she'll come back to me eventually, and I'd like to learn how to get her to communicate, and how to keep from having my intentions and motives misconstrued. She has told me every time she disappeared on me that she just didn't think I really loved her. I think she feels that way because I am younger, and could easily get someone younger and objectively more attractive than her. She has told me several times, "I don't understand why you want me when you can have so much better." That's not what I want though, she's the one I love, and to my eyes she is the most beautiful girl in the world.

[quote author =Woolspinner2000]
Welcome dazed_confused,  Welcome

There is an awful lot going on in your life right now, and I can only imagine how truly dazed and confused you must be. So much up and down and back and forth.

For a moment I would like you to think only about yourself, for that is the place where we can start to heal the insecure wounded places inside of us. What would you like to see strengthened in your own life? How could that change your life?

Wools[/quote]

It's hard for me to be selfish, but she constantly accuses me of being selfish. Another thing she always says is that I'm just trying to get revenge. She thinks that once I get her away from her husband I'm going to leave her for someone younger, and she is going to be left with nowhere else to go. Basically all I'm doing now is trying to get all my debts paid off. I'm looking for a second job so I can be mortgage-free in two years.

[once removed]

hi dazed_n_confused,

I know she'll come back to me eventually, and I'd like to learn how to get her to communicate, and how to keep from having my intentions and motives misconstrued.

if youre interested in rekindling the relationship and improving the dynamics, you should post on the "Bettering" board here: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?board=6.0

this board is for working through the stages of grief and detaching, so the advice you receive will pertain to that.

[dazed_n_confused]

Hello, dazed_n_confused, and welcome.

It appears that you've come to the right place to find some answers, and I hope that you do.  It appears that you've been through the ringer with your xGF, and yes, I read the whole thing. Some things that stand out for me are as follows:
 

Since you realize this about her, why would you put yourself and your heart back through the meat grinder with her? What is it about all that drama that appeals to you?

No worries.  Writing it all out is a therapeutic process, and helps you see what you've been through and may help you develop action steps to assist you in your romantic future.

I made it through what you wrote, but I cannot tell you if you are dealing with someone who suffers with BPD or not.  As has been said before on this site, only a trained professional can diagnose personality disorders.  Having said that, the main take home message is this: Your xGF appears to have trouble with telling you the truth, seems to LOVE drama, and does a fair amount of "monkey-branching."

I never heard monkey-branching before, but yes, that is accurate. She is a pathological liar for sure, and I think it stems from fear of disapproval, and fear of abandonment. My hope is that with counseling we could resolve these issues so that she's no longer afraid to be honest with me and commit to me. The drama does not appeal to me at all. I guess I just blame myself for not handling her feelings better and reassuring her that I love her no matter what, and I'm not going to abandon her. I feel like if I'd done a better job of that things wouldn't have escalated after our first fight.


 

Despite your xGF having a "new guy", isn't your xGF still married?  The odds of her recycling you are 50/50, depending on what is going on in her life, but that's just the thing: Why are you willing to be someone's Plan B? 

Yes, she is still married. She told me that she told her husband about this new guy. I don't know if that's true, or she's just afraid I'll contact her husband and tell him, so then she won't be able to go visit him. There's really no telling.

I don't want to be anyone's Plan B, and that's what has caused the most friction between us. I tell her I'm not going to be her consolation prize, and she insists I'm not, and that she only tries to push me away because she doesn't think I really love her, and she doesn't think she's good enough for me. I didn't know to trust that or not with her husband, because he is an intelligent and attractive guy. There is absolutely no way in the world she would rather be with this new guy than me though. He is absolutely hideous, and a total moron. I do believe that she is only with him now because she thinks he loves her, and does not believe that I do. I know this guy, and he is the type to say whatever a girl wants to hear, while he's saying the same thing to five other girls at the same time. He's been divorced four times already, and is well known as a serial cheater. He even slept with his best friend's wife. She says she knows him and he's not like that, all of his exes are crazy liars. I really don't understand how she can be so naive, but he is a master manipulator.

I think you already know the answer to this, as her actions and behavior have already informed you of what she is capable... .but it doesn't look healthy to me.

True, but I keep thinking I can do more to alleviate her insecurities, and if we could go to counseling together we could learn how to communicate better.

That may be the best gift she ever gave you!  Use the time to work on loving yourself well.

Thank you for sharing your story here at bpdfamily.  It takes a lot of courage to open yourself up for critique and advice.  From what I've read that you've shared, it seems that what you have been through with your xGF has been equal parts exhilarating and agonizing.  Crazy-making for sure, but not exactly a loving and healthy relationship.  I think you deserve better.

Keep writing, if it helps.  We're here to listen.


-Speck 

Thank you for the support. It was fantastic until the rollercoaster ride of the last two years. I know I deserve better. I do have faith that she can do better though. We just both have to be willing to put in the work next time, if there is a next time.

[dazed_n_confused]

hi dazed_n_confused,

if youre interested in rekindling the relationship and improving the dynamics, you should post on the "Bettering" board here: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?board=6.0

this board is for working through the stages of grief and detaching, so the advice you receive will pertain to that.

Thank you, my mistake. Is it possible to move it?

[once removed]

sure! i moved it for you.

how long has it been since the two of you spoke, how did that conversation play out and end?

[dazed_n_confused]

dazed, let’s try something constructive if you’re up for it. Pick out every red flag  from your post and type it out here on this thread. I’ve been where you are now, as have many others on here. We’re all here to heal and to make sense of what we’ve been through. I’m sorry that you’re hurting. You’ll be ok. It does get better.

Oh, I am well aware of all the red flags. I know the smart thing to do is to try to forget her, but I'm not ready to give up on her just yet.

[dazed_n_confused]

sure! i moved it for you.

how long has it been since the two of you spoke, how did that conversation play out and end?

We spoke on the phone just before Christmas. We last spoke on Facebook around the third week of January. It basically ended with, "I appreciate you trying to protect me, but if he's playing me, let me find out for myself. I'm moving on and praying for you to find peace"... ."I don't believe you really want me, you just like the challenge". Then she stopped responding to my messages. I'm still blocked on her main FB page. She only talks to me on a fake one that she set up just for talking to me. She is still logging in to check my messages two or three times a day, but never answers. Last night she posted something on that account for the first time, knowing I'm the only person that can see it. I can't figure out what it means though, she's so cryptic. She hasn't logged in again since though. I really have no idea if it means she's taking the first baby step to talking to me again, or if it was her way of saying she's done. I guess I'll find out if she stops logging in to read my messages.

Another red flag that tells me I should just let her go if I'm smart: I'm agnostic, and she was pretty much agnostic when she was with me. This guy is religious, and now all of a sudden she is going to church three times a week, and all she can talk about is praying. It was a complete 180 over the course of a month. I don't care if she's religious, that doesn't bother me at all. If she can just flip like that it tells me that she has no identity of her own, and she is just morphing to be like whomever she is dating. The guy doesn't really live religiously though. I really think he only uses it as a way to meet naive women, and to manipulate them.

[once removed]

what sorts of things are you messaging her?

what do you think might happen if you lay low and gave some space?

[dazed_n_confused]

what sorts of things are you messaging her?

what do you think might happen if you lay low and gave some space?

Trying to reassure her that I'm not trying to hurt her, and that I'm serious about her. A little about what's going on in my life. I really wanted to get her to change her mind before she goes to see this guy next week. He is a total creep who sleeps with loads of trashy girls, and I don't doubt that he has STDs. She and I are both completely clean, and I don't think I want to take her back if she gets infected. Besides, I don't want some other guy's sloppy seconds. I do still have some self-respect left. So considering all that, laying low hasn't felt like an option. If she goes through with seeing him next week, then I'm going to lay low. When and if she contacts me again, we'll see how I feel about things then, and take it from there. A full STI test will definitely be a prerequisite before I try again. Even if we are not going to be together, I hate to see her ruin her life with this guy. If we're not going to be together, I'd like her to be with a good guy who is going to lift her up, not destroy her.

[JNChell]

once removed is right. You’re not detaching yet. You should read the testimonials on the staying board, and maybe post there. I’ve been where you are. Think about yourself.

[dazed_n_confused]

Somebody changed my title to clickbait.  Oh boy.

[dazed_n_confused]

once removed is right. You’re not detaching yet. You should read the testimonials on the staying board, and maybe post there. I’ve been where you are. Think about yourself.

How long did it take you to get over it?

[JNChell]

dazed, I’m not over it yet, but I’m getting there. The gut wrenching feelings that I assume you’re having will ease off. I made a choice to center myself around me for a while. The only exception is my Son. dazed, we stay in these relationships for a reason. We feel like this when it ends for a reason. What do you think that reason is? Why did you stay, and why do you still have strong feelings for her? I’m not trying to be a jerk, but folks like us tend to love our abusers. I don’t know how far your research has gone into the cluster B spectrum. We love them, dazed. We also have to let them go. Was she good for you mentally?

[dazed_n_confused]

dazed, I’m not over it yet, but I’m getting there. The gut wrenching feelings that I assume you’re having will ease off. I made a choice to center myself around me for a while. The only exception is my Son. dazed, we stay in these relationships for a reason. We feel like this when it ends for a reason. What do you think that reason is? Why did you stay, and why do you still have strong feelings for her? I’m not trying to be a jerk, but folks like us tend to love our abusers. I don’t know how far your research has gone into the cluster B spectrum. We love them, dazed. We also have to let them go. Was she good for you mentally?

I'm glad you're feeling better. I'd say that the reason is a lack of any closure. It's hard to let go of these feelings when you just get cut off and replaced without reason. It's hard to know whether to stay or go when you don't know if they love you back or not. I don't know if I was used or loved, or both. She was good for me for the first four years, but the last two have been torture. I keep thinking that if we weren't separated by 2,000 miles it would have been different. I think if we lived together or at least close for a while she'd see she can trust me, and she'd stop trying to keep her options open.

[Turkish]

This thread was moved to the Bettering Board in order to get support and work with the relationship tools.

Additional Guidelines for this Board: Please read the community guidelines (see link at the bottom of every thread). The following guidelines are also in effect for this board: 
 
Please do not urge participants to exit their relationship. Members post here to find solutions to difficult problems. Please allow them the opportunity.

Please do not use this board as a place to complain about your partner without seeking constructive relationship advice.  We are here to find solutions.  It is a given that  our partners are difficult.

[once removed]

A full STI test will definitely be a prerequisite before I try again.

im not sure about this approach. if i were reconsidering dating someone id previously fallen out with, and they came to me with prerequisites like that, id balk.

somewhere over 60% of relationships recycle/try it again. most of those fail, for a variety of reasons, but its common to give it another shot.

when a breakup happens, if the relationship is going to happen again, its best to consider the old relationship "dead", and then go into the "new" relationship with a very different game plan. thats what the tools and lessons to the side of the board are for, so you can be ready.

i would encourage you to reconsider the current plan. im not sure its achieving, or going to achieve, what youre trying to achieve. establishing and building trust is absolutely vital for success. using another account to get to her isnt going to build trust, and it isnt respecting her wishes.

giving her space, at this point, is probably the best hand you can play. it will catch her off guard, and she knows you want to get back together, she will consider that when and if shes ready to reach out. right now her current relationship needs to run its course. putting yourself in the middle may actually strengthen her resolve.

[dazed_n_confused]

im not sure about this approach. if i were reconsidering dating someone id previously fallen out with, and they came to me with prerequisites like that, id balk.

somewhere over 60% of relationships recycle/try it again. most of those fail, for a variety of reasons, but its common to give it another shot.

when a breakup happens, if the relationship is going to happen again, its best to consider the old relationship "dead", and then go into the "new" relationship with a very different game plan. thats what the tools and lessons to the side of the board are for, so you can be ready.

i would encourage you to reconsider the current plan. im not sure its achieving, or going to achieve, what youre trying to achieve. establishing and building trust is absolutely vital for success. using another account to get to her isnt going to build trust, and it isnt respecting her wishes.

giving her space, at this point, is probably the best hand you can play. it will catch her off guard, and she knows you want to get back together, she will consider that when and if shes ready to reach out. right now her current relationship needs to run its course. putting yourself in the middle may actually strengthen her resolve.

If she won't go for it then I'll move on. I am not going to let myself become diseased because she chose to leave me for a low life, and then come back to me to give me the consequences of his life's bad choices. This guy is VERY high risk for infection given his lifestyle and circle. I am simply NOT taking that risk, and if she can't accept that, then she doesn't care about me.

I haven't been on her Facebook in over six months. I told her immediately about it, and she deleted me. Actually, being on there is what encouraged her to get back with me. She was paranoid that when I saw it I was going to flip out on her and contact her husband. When I didn't, and I just told her that I was hurt, she seemed to started trusting me more, and that's when she wanted to get back together. She isn't the type that giving space works with. She is the type that if I contact her when she is happy with her other guy, she will ignore it. If I contact her when she is fighting with him, she will talk to me. She isn't going to reach out to me. When I gave her space, and things went bad again with her husband, she turned to Tinder, not to me. It was only when I added her on Facebook that she considered getting back with me.

Honestly, everything is pretty much going to be determined this week. If she doesn't go see him then it's only a matter of time before she responds to one of my messages. If she does go see him, then we are most likely done forever.