After a year of LC, she still loves to mess with me...

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I'ts been over a year since our relationship ended, and I have been doing NC/LC. We work together, but up until a month ago, our paths rarely crossed other than a few times a month. Over the past month she has almost been seeking out contact with me... .always super friendly and smiley with a hardy "hello" or "good morning!"

Daily she must walk past my office, which I keep my office door closed during those times... .but last week she made a point of coming into my office in order to show off her new, revealing yoga pants, and another time she pounded on the window outside of my office to get my attention so she could wave at me... .

She knows she's messing with me, and really enjoys it. She has been in a serious relationship for over a year with plans for engagement. She has destroyed all of her local friend relationships, even the friend that was slated to be her maid of honor. A couple of other friends have even left town because of her abuse. I'm her only local "connection" remaining. All of her current friends are her boyfriend's friends... .and I'm sure she is starting to wear on them, and they are wondering why their friend is involved with someone like her, or she has pushed him not to be around his friends, of she flirts incessantly with his male friends... .

When she tries to get a rise out of me, or engage me in some way, I am professional, yet very reserved and indifferent, usually just nodding without words to her salutations. From past experience, I know she is feeling isolated and engulfed by her boyfriend, his family and his friends... .like she has no life of her own.

People with BPD really do not ever have a life of their own as we know it. I'm over being mad, sad, and even compassionate towards her... .all emotions that can lead to re-opening the door to further abuse and destruction.

There are many people in my life deserving of my love and compassion... .she is no longer one of them.

[AustenJ]

I'ts been over a year since our relationship ended, and I have been doing NC/LC. We work together, but up until a month ago, our paths rarely crossed other than a few times a month. Over the past month she has almost been seeking out contact with me... .always super friendly and smiley with a hardy "hello" or "good morning!"

Daily she must walk past my office, which I keep my office door closed during those times... .but last week she made a point of coming into my office in order to show off her new, revealing yoga pants, and another time she pounded on the window outside of my office to get my attention so she could wave at me... .

She knows she's messing with me, and really enjoys it. She has been in a serious relationship for over a year with plans for engagement. She has destroyed all of her local friend relationships, even the friend that was slated to be her maid of honor. A couple of other friends have even left town because of her abuse. I'm her only local "connection" remaining. All of her current friends are her boyfriend's friends... .and I'm sure she is starting to wear on them, and they are wondering why their friend is involved with someone like her, or she has pushed him not to be around his friends, of she flirts incessantly with his male friends... .

When she tries to get a rise out of me, or engage me in some way, I am professional, yet very reserved and indifferent, usually just nodding without words to her salutations. From past experience, I know she is feeling isolated and engulfed by her boyfriend, his family and his friends... .like she has no life of her own.

People with BPD really do not ever have a life of their own as we know it. I'm over being mad, sad, and even compassionate towards her... .all emotions that can lead to re-opening the door to further abuse and destruction.

There are many people in my life deserving of my love and compassion... .she is no longer one of them.

[Maxpax2011]

As experts say it is a lonely life for people with BPD. They are always searching for love, attention, any connection that will fill the empty void they feel. We knew them the best and we loved them deeply so they never really lose that connection with us. They always seem validation of some kind. It's been five months since my break up and when I think she is gone or has forgotten about me she will do something to get my attention, subtle attempts at jealousy or push my buttons with the new partner. They are like neglected children. Always starving for attention. Sad life to live.

[Mutt]

As experts say it is a lonely life for people with BPD. They are always searching for love, attention, any connection that will fill the empty void they feel. We knew them the best and we loved them deeply so they never really lose that connection with us. They always seem validation of some kind. It's been five months since my break up and when I think she is gone or has forgotten about me she will do something to get my attention, subtle attempts at jealousy or push my buttons with the new partner. They are like neglected children. Always starving for attention. Sad life to live.

Well said  I still have to stay in touch with my ex because we kids usually she’s detached she can be like for weeks then she starts blameshifting and saying outrageous things there could 10 emails and one line is valid to respond back and the rest of is here st background noise.

It’s not about me it’s about what’s going on her life.

[Speck]

Hello, AustinJ!

I really like what you've written here:

People with BPD really do not ever have a life of their own as we know it. I'm over being mad, sad, and even compassionate towards her... .all emotions that can lead to re-opening the door to further abuse and destruction.

There are many people in my life deserving of my love and compassion... .she is no longer one of them.

It certainly seems like you've utilized your time this past year to really process the painful reckoning of your relationship ending in a very healthy and self-affirming manner.

It must be really freeing to get to this place.  All I can say is, Bravo!


-Speck