Love bombing?

[Chynna]

Love-bombing is a term I've read here frequently. I really don't remember any of that happening in my r/s. These are all unique situations here: Is this something your person w/ the d/o perceives as something you need? In the beginning of my r/s, he showered me with a lot of clothing I really did not need or want even after a boundary was set.  (Being in healthcare, I wore scrubs or lab jackets over casual clothing to work.) Was this a form of love bombing?  I think it had a control component to it. He liked to spend his $$$; it was like some sort of release. If I were a customer service agent, I would personally cringe if I saw him coming... .Never satisfied with stuff he bought; always in the 'merchandise return' line. Always in the market for something better... .He claims new stuff brought 'new energy'. Sigh ... .still healing... .I wish we could all just wiggle our noses (as in "Bewitched" & "it" would all be gone! I also continue to be amazed at how easily it was  to leave behind stuff he spent hard earned $$$ on . I guess once you are painted black, everything becomes garbage in the end. We were friends after his "first moment of truth" but betrayal does not hurt any less. Well, thanks for reading... .:0)  (Prolly just having a bad day.)

[spero]

I think it had a control component to it. He liked to spend his $$$; it was like some sort of release.

Hey there Chynna,

I am no psychologist... .but here goes. Talking about spending his money and treating it like some form of release... .However without knowing the full picture, i can't say for sure ( just for disclaimer sake ). But that being said, the DSM5 criteria for one of the markers of BPD is impulsiveness in one of the following areas as listed in point 4. and usually for a more certainty towards a diagnosis, a person has to display 5 or more of the markers listed in the DSMV (which is in the midst of being revised)

(4) impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating). Note: Do not include suicidal or self-mutilating behavior covered in Criterion 5.

Here is the reference https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/here-there-and-everywhere/201112/borderline-personality-disorder-big-changes-in-the-dsm-5

Hope this helps, and certainly hope that you feel a little better.

Cheers,
spero

[Mutt]

Hi Chynna,


Love bombing is another word for idealization a owBPD see you as all good or all bad and they tend to exaggerate their feelings a lot like young child would. Giving you gifts is a way giving you something because he feels content so he’s giving you what like. I like video games and when my ex had me split white she bought a 3DS in 2011 they were expensive I didn’t ask for it but I fulfilled something that she wanted she was idealizing me.

Some members said that they’re pwBPD had never split them black every pwBPD is different there’s not one general way that a pwBPD there are differences from each person.

[Lalathegreat]

For me, love bombing never came in the form of gifts. It was the constant compliments, the sense that he missed me so desperately whenever I wasn't there, the constant care to make sure that I was happy and that he was doing "enough", the wanting me with him always, the validation that in his eyes I could do no wrong, the amazing sex... .

Blah blah blah - it sounds so saccharin and completely ridiculous considering that very shortly after our relationship devolved into pretty much the exact opposite of what I just described. But man it was good while it lasted! And I stayed much too long chasing one more hit of it!

[Chynna]

Thanks so much... .one step forward twenty steps back. Anyone having trouble with sleeping these days? (silly question) I've always been a realist. What the h-e-double hockey sticks happened to me? He seemed like such a nice, genuine, and caring guy. Just kinda makes you doubt everything you've ever believed. Thank you again... .have a lovely day everyone... .

[Pretty Woman]

Chynna, it gets easier. Like everything, it's a process.
I've been on this site close to five years. I had no idea what the He _ _ BPD was when I found myself here. I looked up "circular arguments", "multiple breakups" on Google and found this site.
Game changer and life saver.

If you are anything like most of us here, you are a good person, a people pleaser. You don't like to ruffle feathers and are a peace-keeper. You work hard and live a decent life. You treat people as you wish to be treated.

What I learned from this mess is that I had no personal boundaries. This person who was AMAZING at the beginning, when she was love-bombing me (of course), I let that stuff cloud my judgement when she started treating me poorly. I kept waiting for the AMAZING person to return when she was showing me what she really is, a broken human with zero empathy. I took her back time and time again thinking this would be the LAST time she'd leave.

Being a fixer I wanted to help her. What I realize now is the only person worth helping is myself. BPD's are survivors. They use tactics that work and those tactics get stronger the more relationships they have.

We cannot control or help them. We can only help ourselves and we are rational, compassionate people worth saving!

PW

[Chynna]

P/W: Thank you,sweetie :0)

[The Cat in d Hat]

Hey, sorry to hear about your story, this site helps wonders as it is full of so many helpful people. Mine was love bombing for a short time, was mostly attention seeking.

I wanted to address your trouble sleeping, as your are not alone. When she abruptly blocked me everywhere I slept only for a few minutes that night. And the following week was just an hour here and there. It gets better. It’s been 30 days now, and I’m back to my usual sleep cycle. Hang in there! Processing and Mindfulness has helped a ton.

Take care.

[Speck]

Hello, Chynna!

I'm so sorry for what brought you here, but I'm glad you're with us.  We help and support each other here.

Love-bombing takes all forms, and it appears that your ex was definitely showering you with gifts, which is one form of love-bombing. The point of love-bombing is to draw you near, which for unsuspecting Nons, works really well.

Please tell us more when you're comfortable doing so, and feel free to tune in to let us know how things are going for you.


-Speck