It is still experienced as abusive behavior but is it accidental abuse?
So it sounds like you are questioning the intent?
Now that's a real tough one to answer with any confidence because you're looking to make sense out of the actions of someone else who has compromised faculties.
Boy, I don't know. I'd like to believe that it was at least "accidental" to start, but at the point at which you are giving feedback as to how the abuse is making you feel and it continues, then it does seem to be a little more on purpose.
Yes, I know, the purpose of it might stem from his BPD, which he might not be able help himself. This why in the courts there's the provision for the temporary insanity plea.
Is any of this helping?
J
I forgot another thing he said. He said once “it’s like there is something in me that’s smarter then I am” on the topic of manipulation. Obviously that’s very true.
The fact that these behaviors are so hard on us is because it at least mimics abuse. It explains why it’s so hard on us.
And exactly. The point at which you attempt to communicate and they refuse to hear makes it seems more deliberate.
I think I’m struggling to understand if it was just abusive or at least a controlling behavior.
Originally he told me he “of course” had BPD and then he took it back. So I feel like I’m missing that confirmation.
And also why does abusive behavior so closely overlap with the things they do. Not all abusers have BPD so is it strange that overlap?