Mom & Sis with BPD, I’m just starting to realize

[WRP_67]

I’m a newbie to bpdfamily and the thought my mother & sister may be affected with BPD.
I’m in my 50’s, but when my neice came to live with me permanently some years ago, I saw the way my mother (my neice’s grandmother) interacted with her in (what I now call) emotionally abusive ways.  This brought back a lot of memories of anxiety & low self-esteem I had when interacting with my mother in my childhood.
Growing up with a brother & sister, in my family, my sister was always the “bad” one and lots of our time & attention was devoted to the drama surrounding her and her bad behavior.  My brother & I fully bought into this idea my sister was always the “bad” one.
I’m just now beginning to realize it was/is my BPD mother that controlled the family far more than my BPD sister.  These realizations are a bit mind-blowing for me, but it’s all starting to make sense now.
I’m seeing a therapist now (and new to these ideas) and working on not only ways I can better cope, but also on ways I can guide my young neice through the minefield of dealing with her BPD mother & grandmother.

[zachira]

Welcome to the Board! I realized later in life that my mother and two siblings are borderlines. Both my mother and father had favorite children and scapegoated children, which has affected my siblings and me all very negatively.
You are courageous to identify your mother as a borderline and the family dynamics that contribute to problems. Many people never face the pain of dealing with this. This is all going to make a big difference to your niece, as you have her best interests at heart. Let us know how we can help!

[Kwamina]

Hi WRP_67,

I would like to join zachira in welcoming you to our online community

You are coming to some very significant new realizations about your family. When you grow up in such an environment it can be hard to recognize certain dysfunctional patterns. Only when you gain somewhat of an 'outsider looking in perspective', will you really be able to see things for what they really are. You are at this point now and I'm glad you have the support of a therapist to help navigate you through all of this.

I’m a newbie to bpdfamily and the thought my mother & sister may be affected with BPD.
I’m in my 50’s, but when my neice came to live with me permanently some years ago, I saw the way my mother (my neice’s grandmother) interacted with her in (what I now call) emotionally abusive ways.  This brought back a lot of memories of anxiety & low self-esteem I had when interacting with my mother in my childhood.

In what ways do you feel your mother is being emotionally abusive toward your niece?

Considering you've been through it yourself, I understand how these experiences could trigger old memories and feelings in you.

Growing up with a brother & sister, in my family, my sister was always the “bad” one and lots of our time & attention was devoted to the drama surrounding her and her bad behavior.  My brother & I fully bought into this idea my sister was always the “bad” one.
I’m just now beginning to realize it was/is my BPD mother that controlled the family far more than my BPD sister.

It is sad how a BPD parent can negatively affect the entire family dynamics. How would you describe your current relationship with your sister?

The Board Parrot

[Speck]

Welcome, WRP_67:

 

You will see from reading the posts here that you are far from alone. We're glad you're here.

Seeing a T is very helpful in sorting out our family of origin stuff, and I applaud your courage in reaching out for help in this way. How much contact do you have with your mother now?

I hope you are finding the resource articles helpful, and if you are looking for something in particular, just let us know and we can help steer you in the right direction.

Please tell us more when you're comfortable doing so and feel free to let us know how things are going for you.

Keep writing if it helps. Someone's always listening.


-Speck