Everytime we get into a mini routine of communication,she suddenelly dissapears

[Depression = 72% of members]

so i stayed in touch a little bit, just to let her know i still care and to make sure she is doing all right, every few weeks , she reaches out or at least anwsers the phone... then we talk regularly for a few days, then she just dissapears and stops answering calls and emails altogether... .What the heck... .everytime we get into a mini routine of communication, she suddenelly dissapears again... .

WHY DOES SHE GET FRIENDLY AND THEN START IGNORING AGAIN?

ANSWERS PLEASE.?

[dumpsterdog]

so i stayed in touch a little bit, just to let her know i still care and to make sure she is doing all right, every few weeks , she reaches out or at least anwsers the phone... then we talk regularly for a few days, then she just dissapears and stops answering calls and emails altogether... .What the heck... .everytime we get into a mini routine of communication, she suddenelly dissapears again... .

WHY DOES SHE GET FRIENDLY AND THEN START IGNORING AGAIN?

ANSWERS PLEASE.?

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

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[MyBPD_friend]

Hi dumperdog,

I've experienced exactly the same with my BPF friend. She talks to me on the phone nicely and then disappears with no answer to any message.

I think this is just BPD behaviour, difficult for us, but they can't regulate emotions and sometimes can't make any decisions.

I try to ingnore that part of behaviour more and more

[Margot Az]

Hi Dumpsterdog,
I find it difficult too not to obtain any explanations, especially if you try to be concerned.
Probably, you answered to your own question : there is no reasoning, there is no "becauses", unless you make endless assumptions. I have told myself that it was impossible to expect a regular and steady connection with my partner, either he is apart or not.  Keeping on track, what ever the routine is, seems to challenge the balance.

When my partner cut connections, he tells me that this is not against me, he needs to preserve himself by remaining in the "void".
What ever is requested can't be achieved in our usual ways. Routine doesn't induce consistency and certainty here.
 

[isilme]

Its the push-pull dynamic.  You get too close, they freak out and have to push you away or remove themselves.  They have some space and some time, they pull you back to them. 

And yes, it's because they can't usually process emotions in a healthy way.

[dumpsterdog]

And... .i read on her all the time to go ahead a move on in my life, start dating others etc... .i still havent " fallen in love" as i am still emotonally attahced to her... .but as in recently each time i do start spending some dating time with another female like two or three dates, ( no sex yet i'm still loyal to her sexually, but she is probably having sex who knows how often with who knows how many others ... and that hurts )... but everyitme i start to give another female a chance , she pops back up in a text or email or pho9ne call... .just enough to make me not really pursue my other options... and i end up not dating that person again... .how does my ex seem to know exactly when to call to screw up my chances with someone else.?

I know dep dpwn the only way for me to really engage someone else seriously is to never speak the the ex again, to cut of all contact. ... and i just cant make myself do that...

what is wrong with me... that women destroyed my life, cheated cop trouble, destroyed my belongings... .just crashed and burned my enitre life... .so why cant i just wipe her out of my head forever and move on.? because i still think she will come back... .am i nuts.?