Introduction. Mom of Littles + Spouse of Possible BPD

[momofflowers]

Hi everyone... .I'm new, but so relieved to hopefully find some support. I just finished reading Walking On Eggshells and it was so spot on with many things I experience in my daily life as a wife. Even when dating my husband, I knew something wasn't quite normal. Every now and then I'd see that explosive anger and pushing me away over minor things that would usually not warrant that response from someone (like a trigger that I didn't realize was there). I suppose I should also mention that I am American and he is Scottish, so we have always had the added stress of mixing different cultural backgrounds and family values... .not to mention the stress of either me living abroad or, now, him living abroad.

I have always been extremely attracted to my husband's ambition, work ethic, and confidence. He is the only man I know that works tirelessly to achieve not only his dreams, but to help my achieve mine. Because of that and so many other amazing qualities, I wanted to stick with him. I learned to be the one who defused a situation when he got angry, instead of being the one who got to act out in anger. Our first year of marriage was intense and confusing, but, as someone previously diagnosed with anxiety and obsessive thoughts, I was dealing with my own mental instability and not very focused on his.

After a year of marriage, things had gotten smoother... .we had worked through a lot... .and we were surprised to find out I was pregnant, but were both very excited. I had a difficult pregnancy and my husband helped me through it while working over time.

When our first daughter was a year old, after moving to the States, we went on a family vacation to the beach, and the whole time we were there was the moment I realized that there was something going on that was not normal. That's when I discovered BPD. He has not been officially diagnosed, but meets almost all of the criteria apart from self harm. There have been moments when I have brought BPD up and he has admitted it fits him completely and other times when he has denied having absolutely any symptoms... .it just depends on the moment. I don't want to be one of these people who constantly psychoanalyze and force a diagnosis on him, so for the most part, I keep it to myself. Really, learning about BPD it is a way for me to cope and better understand how to respond when he is triggered.

We have been married for 6 years and have gone through many ups and downs... .as you all may understand like many others cannot. Last year was, all at once, one of the best years of my life (we had our second perfect baby girl and bought our first home... .things seemed perfect for us) and the worst (in December, I found out my husband had a short affair with a coworker). We have seen a Christian marriage counselor some and I am prepared to keep doing the hard work it takes to have a successful marriage. I just finally took the time to join a group like this and maybe seek some support from others in the same situation, because, for the most part, I feel very alone and unable to completely relate to many other wives and moms, I guess.

Thanks for reading my long introduction. I look forward to meeting you.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Mutt]

Hi momofflowers,

I just finally took the time to join a group like this and maybe seek some support from others in the same situation, because, for the most part, I feel very alone and unable to completely relate to many other wives and moms, I guess.

I'm glad that you decided to join us. I look at it like divorce when you mention you are going through or have gone through a divorce I see the reaction in people's faces the ones that have gone through a divorce they can emapthise with how difficult that it because they went through the experience. Family and friends is all that we have they mean well, you probably get information that is suitable if a partner doesn't suffer from BPD it doesn't fit and they might be giving you and remarks that indicate that they're confused. That's where a support group like us can help you, we're here to listen, to support and to walk with you.

You are right that we shouldn't pathologize everything we're also not doctors and can't diagnose what we can look at are BPD traits. You're read WoE and we'd recommend to continue reading as much as you can about the disorder it will do two things, there more knowledge that you have will give you an understanding as to why he behaves the way that he does there is fundamental logic with the illogical behaviours, you'll also come to understand that the behaviours are not personal to you it's something that your H is going through. It's not to say that he doesn't have responsibility for his actions it will help with the pain that he causes. He is an adult and is responsible for taking care of himself. It sounds like he's not at the stage to get help for himself or to embrace his problems. I have anxiety and depression I take meds and do CBT how is your anxiety?

[momofflowers]

It sounds like he's not at the stage to get help for himself or to embrace his problems. I have anxiety and depression I take meds and do CBT how is your anxiety?

Hi! Thanks for your reply. About 3 years ago he told his doctor he had anxiety symptoms and was put on antidepressants. They definitely make a positive difference, but he often decides to stop taking them or doesn't remember, which can make the mood swings even worse. I haven't been on any medication for around 2 years now, but sometimes see a counselor (my husband, on the other hand, is very anti-therapy and I couldn't see him seeking it for himself anytime soon). I feel that my anxiety is much better than it has been in the past. The overthinking is still very present, but I can just accept it for what it is... .and I'm definitely open to the possibility of getting back on Zoloft in the future. Anyway, mental disorders are just a reality for my family and have no negative stigma in my book. We all deal with something, be it migraines or a personality disorder, right?