This came out of left field and now I’m in shock. Please give perspective.

[Thelone1]

I’ll try to kee this short. Me and my now ex met 2 years ago. Everything was awesome between us at first. We experienced life and feel in love pretty fast.

For the first 6 months it was awesome. Then things changed we were living together at the moment and we started fighting. She would always talk about her ex who she was with for 5 years prior. She would change like the wind her likes and dislikes she was fighting depression and I found her self cutting one time, one of the most scariest things I ever experienced.

We are both in recovery from drugs and alcohol and we have both relapsed together.  After our relapsed she decided to pick up everything and go home. When we broke up the first time we fought I begged and pleaded and finally let go. I was a needy in the relationship and wanted a little more effort as she was growing distant she contacted her ex at one point and lied to me about it. There were rumors she cheated on me but I could never confirm it. Anyway she left and we didn’t speak for about 4 months then one day she texted me and we slowly started to engage again.

We talked for hours and FaceTime a few time a week and eventually I went up to see her and had a amazing time I was still sober but she was drinking a lot. But regardless we picked up where we left off. We did a long distance relationship for a while and things were going well again, but one day I found her on a website that is for prostitution and she denied it said that people pretend to be her and are obsessed with her. Then I found a ad on Craigslist that I’m 99% sure was her but she also denied it. When I confronted her she relapsed I’m harder drugs and disappeared for five days. She cut her self bad.

Now while we were in a long distance relationship she was diagnosed with BPD. I read a lot about it and encourage her treatment. After her binder she decided to get sober and went to a halfway in her home state. She was there for a month and decided that she did not want to be there and wanted to come down to flordia where I am so I flew up there helped her packed and she moved down into a halfway. When she got here everything was fine and she was doing well but still she would change her likes and dislikes like the wind but seemed more stable she didn’t disassociate or have the issues she was having back home.

We agreed to boundaries and talking about what was on our minds and things were going well for the most part we had issues here and there but nothing that wasn’t fixable I’m a little insecure and she is unstable in her moods and thoughts about herself. One day I told her something I felt that pushed her away she said she thinks everything has been going great. 15 minutes later she said she couldn’t do it and left she stopped by and held me and kissed me and cried and said she doesn’t need know why she is breaking up to me but just wants to meet women in recovery and focus on god. I was ok with that even tho it hurt.

She texted me once after that saying she was depressed and hopeless. We haven’t spoke since that recently I found out she back to selling pictures of her self and posting very nude pics on her blog. She is also on bumble trying to sell herself like she used too. I don’t understand this and how do I deal with this. I’m not fully understanding BPD she seems fine but deep down I know she hurting and there’s not much I can do. I want to help her but she constantly uses me and when she feels better she leaves.

She doesn’t seem like your pro typical BPD but she def has some signs of it. She always wanting to move always thinking of the past, her sex work and impulsiveness. I’m just at a loss for words and deeply hurt and I just don’t understand part of me thinks she will pop up again in my life but part me hopes she doesn’t she drains me even tho I love the hell out of her. She is a awesome person inside and I have seen glimpses of the women she really is. But I just want perspective on this situation and just want to see if there is anybody that’s been through something similar. If there’s anything I need to add to help give you a better idea please let me know. Also she didn’t decide to continue therapy or treatment when she moved down here. I’m sorry this post is all over the place but so I an my head and my heart I just need perspective and how to handle it because she just came back and screwed me up for the 2nd time. Thank you guys

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Mutt]

Hi Thelone1,



Id like to welcome you to bpdfamily. I’m sorry about the circumstances that led you here but i am glad that you decided to join us. A pwBPD have chronic feelings of emptiness and don’t have a sense of self, they may change friends and carreers often for example. I can understand how difficult it would be to watch a loved one go through this. As you probably already know she would have to want help herself nobody else can do that for her.

It’s recommended that you keep strong boundaries with a pwBPD and talk to a T, the best thing would be to talk to a T and a support group concurrently. It sounds like you are in two different places in your respective healing paths. What do you think?

[Thelone1]

I am currently looking for a therapist. And yes I agree but disagree at the same time about being on different paths we both suffer from addiction but she also has been diagnosed with BPD which is different then me. I’m codependent and get validation out of her which I need to work on.

I just don’t get it she breaks up with me again and goes right back to doing the same old thing in respect to her prostitution and selling pics of her self. It hurts me that she does that part of me feels she does this to spite me or enrage me. But also I know it something she tends to do. I only think she spites me because she has said about our previous breakup she would post things to make me jealous.

She blocked me from all social media and has not spoke to me in 3 weeks and it sucks cuz I do care but part of me wants to call her and try to tell her how much she means and part of me wants to call and just tell her how sick and messed up what she is doing to herself right now.

It’s like she wears a mask she presents herself as someone who doing all the right things she finished her steps and sponsors girls and does that but then the act of selling your self and your body kinda portrays the opposite those were things she did in addiction and part of me feels she does it for a rush and obviously the money

What I’m really worried about is months down the road is her reaching out to me again and being able to handle it and make a healthy decision her past shows she reaches back out she dated me and one other guy seriously but she would talk bad about him but still reach out. She did the same to me.

Why does all of this not make sense and what are the chances she does end up reaching back out even tho she doesn’t talk to me now and seems to want nothing to do with me? I saw her in passing the other day and it killed me

[Tattered Heart]

Hi TheLone1,

Sorry that you had to go through another break up. I can only imagine how devastating it is to find out your gf was working as a prostitute. How long has it been since you broke up? Have you had any contact with her since?

[juju2]

Hi,

You landed in the exact right place, you reached out to us, a community of caring, experienced, people who have kindness.

Learn all you can here.  No future tripping.

The most powerful thing I learned so far,
For BPD, they think feelings=facts.

There is so much to learn.

Welcome.  Enjoy the journey,

juju

[Thelone1]

We broke up about a month ago. We spoke briefly a couple times the week after and have been NC for the last few weeks. I saw her in passing the other day we drove by each other and it sucked a lot. Somebody showed me that she was on bumble the day before we broke up prostituing her self on that site. This is what she used to do she used to do it on tinder in her addiction. I’m just confused and feel like she literally just doesn’t care what so ever. This is somebody that I was super close to and it seemed like she was super close to me.

The first time we broke up we spoke for a couple weeks after we broke up and then went a few months of NC then she contacted me out of the blue. I hope I don’t get caught in a cycle part of me wants her part of me just can’t handle all the lies and the secrets that’s she always keep. She can never be fully open to me and I don’t want that in a relationship. I want her to be open and honest with me as I am with her.

Is this normal reaction for those with BPD? It seems like her BPD symptoms have died down as she doesn’t have crisis modes and seems to be doing well at least from a outside perspective. But knowing her she feeling low on the inside and I believe one day she will feel everything once again. I feel horrible for her she deserves way better for her self and she not a bad person just really sick and I think she just lost in this world. But I can’t do with the lies and manipulation anymore.

These last couple of days haven’t been to bad been focused on work,school, and the gym. Hopefully it keeps getting better and I don’t bump into her.