dgolfman62281
Fewer than 3 Posts
 Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 1
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« on: May 12, 2018, 11:56:05 PM » |
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Hello, I've been seeing a therapist for my depression for over a year now, but lately, my needs have taken a back seat to my wife's and son's (3 yrs old) needs. About 3.5 months ago, my wife discovered she had a vaginal prolapse. She has seen multiple gynocologists and urologists and all have told her that it's a low grade, not a candidate for surgery, etc, and advised her to do physical therapy (which she has been doing). However, this episode has triggered a whole level of mental disorder that I didn't know existed. At first, we (myself and her sister and father) thought it was severe anxiety. At the request of my therapist, she agreed to have a couple of sessions with him (the second one I attended to review the results) so that he could better understand what was going on. He gave her the same personality test he gives all his new patients, and at first he picked up on the severe anxiety as well. She started seeing a different therapist and psychiatrist (who prescribed Lexapro for her). In my last session with my therapist, he reviewed her test results again and thought she might have BPD, and told me to get the "Stop Walking on Eggshells" book. Granted, I'm only 2 chapters in so far, but I wanted to get advice as I continue reading.
I'm sensing that one of the dominant personality traits of BPD is bipolar like anger towards people close to them. With my wife, I haven't experienced much temporary anger or hostility, but rather, I think that condition manifests itself in the form of selfishness and negging. Before she started taking the Lexapro, she felt so internally crippled by the prolapse that she felt the need to stay in bed for 20 hours a day (causing me to have doubts about her ability to properly care for our son). Additionally, she spends hours on the phone going down God knows what kind of rabbit hole theories about her condition, trying to convince herself she's in worse shape than she really is. I think she wants to be told she has the worst prolapse in the history of prolapses, and won't be satisfied until she hears that. She even tried to make an appointment with a doctor down in Atlanta who is a cash only doc, has other offices in Beverly Hills and Dubai (just to give you an idea of the clientele he wants), because she was convinced he would perform surgery on her when no one else will. Since she started taking the Lexapro, she has at least been better about getting out of bed and going for walks and other light activity, and making an effort to be more involved with our son. As for the negging, I feel like she's been pushing me away, not including me in her recovery plans. The last 3 months, she hasn't felt like a wife but rather an annoying roommate. Forget sex, she doesn't want to cuddle with me or barely want to touch me anymore. For a couple of weeks I was sleeping downstairs because she was complaining about my snoring and that she wasn't sleeping well. After the first few nights, she didn't seem all that eager to welcome me back into bed with her. I finally had to change the sheets and force the situation. Another disturbing example, this weekend, my wife's sister took our son out of town for the weekend, and I had the Friday off from work. After running a few errands in the morning, I came home and she immediately said she needed to go out for a quick drive and would be right back. Mind you, we had discussed going out to dinner and seeing a movie to take advantage of not having a kid around. 5 hours later, she came home only saying she went to a store to walk around. I had reset the trip odometer after getting gas, and she had driven 85 miles to nowhere in particular rather than spend any time with me. No movie, and our late dinner was awkwardly silent.
She also exhibits a strong denial about her condition. She's hyperfocused on the prolapse only, and constantly complains that no one understands how she feels. Her sister and I have told her many times that we acknowledge the prolapse and that's uncomfortable and upsetting, but that her anxiety (and now potential BPD) is making her feel so much worse and interfering with any potential progress she could make physically. I don't have a reason to suspect that she's not taking the Lexapro, though I wonder if I should start witnessing it (I would like to respect her enough to trust her word). My gut feeling is that she's not being fully forthcoming with the psychiatrist and therapist about her condition, since they are only seeing her once every couple of weeks (and I don't know what to do about that without violating HIPPA laws).
I'm feeling suffocated and genuinely doubting our future as a couple. Whether it's BPD or not, I just need to hear voices of affirmation and help. The very mentioning of in patient treatment sends her into an anger panic state, but I think it might be necessary at some point.
P.S. it should also be noted that she had a part time job teaching music classes to elementary aged children, but lost that job in March after multiple parents began to notice her issues were affecting her ability to properly interact with the kids
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