My ex and I are talking again

[whiteknight4152]

hello all, its been a while since i've hopped on the message boards. a lot has happened since i last logged on. Heres a link to my older thread https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=324264.0

My ex contacted me through her friends phone as a result of her crazy controlling ex having all of her passwords to everything, and sees everything she does. we met up, had a good night, talked everything out. she told me her episodes and splitting is 1000 times worse as a result of her ex using her episodes against her and making her out to be crazy to everybody including her family. she disassociated for a couple months after we broke up. the ex used her to the maximum extent. controlled her social life, she paid for groceries, rent, bills, him and his kids moved themselves into her house, she paid for their things, his child support, his court fees, a new truck, etc. we both agreed we still loved each other but she needs to heal before we can engage romantically again. I've spent a lot more time with her this last month. told her before she was my lover, she was my best friend, so we are starting a foundation from their. she is struggling with severe depression, anger and anxiety along with her splitting. she also is not eating like she should be. e  we have not had any sex, kissing, hand holding or anything like that. only kissing her forehead a passionate hugs between us. i have slept in bed with her a few times, at her permission. at times, she gets very romantic with me, and then when i try to reciprocate that back to her, she says im obligating her and pressuring her when shes not ready for anything yet and she wants to be alone right now. a few times ive been with her, she doesnt say a word and anytime i try to talk to her, she snaps at me. she tells me that anger is her outlet for anxiety, and she doesnt know how to stop feeling that way towards me. she says knows she loves me, she just cant unlock the feelings for me right now because shes so damaged. the last three days, shes been very short with me over text. i asked her if she'd want to do dinner and a movie at the house, and she said "maybe next week. im enjoying my time alone. i havent had that since the breakup."  I just want to do this right, and help her heal at the same time. Some days, i get the girl i know and love, and somedays its her splitting. She will never take medication. i have told her of my friend at work who has BPD and did therapy and is doing well. so hopefully shell agree to do that in the future. I just want to help her get better and get the love of my life back without rushing her or making her feel pressured.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[once removed]

big picture: little has changed.

she hadnt healed/grieved her relationship when she got with you. some of that manifested with you when you were together. her relationship played out (thats what has changed) but shes clearly not healed/grieved it yet, and is not ready to fully commit to you. she has stated this clearly (which helps). take her at her word.

from what i read, she needs this to evolve very slowly, she needs a lot of space, and its really best to go with her flow and her pace. when you try to advance, she shuts it down.

dont push. if shes distant, dont take that as an invitation to push for more. she will see it as neediness (which she cannot, does not want to, deal with right now) and balk.

slow down. go with her flow. give her lots of space.

can you do that?

[FaithfulInLove]

Whiteknight, I remember your posts so well and I'm happy to hear from you and hear that you're back on talking terms

I agree with Once Removed, if she's asking for time alone, I think it's best to give her space. Let her come to you and be there for her if she does. Check in, but don't pressure. Empathize as much as possible.

All the best to you

Faithful

[whiteknight4152]

slow down. go with her flow. give her lots of space.

can you do that?

I can. I will go with her flow, and move as slow as she possibly needs. You’re right the big picture hasn’t changed, and that end goal is having her back in my arms as well as her healing. I keep getting caught up in talking to her all day and night on the phone/text being at the house with her, it’s almost a shell shock when she doesn’t want to talk or wants to have her alone time for awhile. But i understand it. And I will respect it, because that’s what I told her I would do. My actions need to back my words more than ever right now.

[whiteknight4152]

Whiteknight, I remember your posts so well and I'm happy to hear from you and hear that you're back on talking terms

I agree with Once Removed, if she's asking for time alone, I think it's best to give her space. Let her come to you and be there for her if she does. Check in, but don't pressure. Empathize as much as possible.

All the best to you

Faithful

Thank you Faithful!
I won’t message her or pressure her anymore unless she comes to me. I want her to know that I respect her space and hopefully that shows her that I’m serious about backing up what I say.

[once removed]

I keep getting caught up in talking to her all day and night on the phone/text being at the house with her, it’s almost a shell shock when she doesn’t want to talk or wants to have her alone time for awhile.

this is why, and i cant stress it enough, its so important to keep rebuilding your life and have some independence.

makes you less anxious in the in between moments. makes everything about the relationship more organic and natural, and enjoyable.

take it from a guy who spent all day and night with my ex. its just not sustainable. eventually youll do anything for some space.

[whiteknight4152]

this is why, and i cant stress it enough, its so important to keep rebuilding your life and have some independence.

makes you less anxious in the in between moments. makes everything about the relationship more organic and natural, and enjoyable.

take it from a guy who spent all day and night with my ex. its just not sustainable. eventually youll do anything for some space.

You’re absolutely right. I just got caught up in her presence again. Just happy she’s back in my life. And that I have another chance with her if I give her the time, space, and support she needs

[whiteknight4152]

So last week for us was really good. Spent time with her and her family for the 4th of July. She’s been working nonstop without a day off for 10 days straight now. 9-7. She’s been very short with me the last few days. She told me she knows why she has an issue being around me at time. Because I make her feel obligated. Because I post pics and get her things (she does the exact same thing). I only got her gifts because her birthday is this weekend and I’ll be out of town. I only posted the SAME pic she posted. One day she’s in love with me and spewing all this couple stuff to me, then the next day when I reciprocate that same energy, she says I’m pressuring her or obligating her. Do I just leave her be unless she contacts me from now on?

[once removed]

Do I just leave her be unless she contacts me from now on?

not necessarily. i think the short answer is you let her lead, you just keep your responses a little bit more dialed back.

for example, if she pulls you toward her (spews couple stuff to you), meet it, but instead of meeting it with 100% or 50%, meet it with more like 30%. if shes short or distant, pull back, let her come to you on her terms.

the key is to let things get a little more stable and consistent. if shes all over you emotionally or physically one day, and you return it softly and with no pressure, it may grow to where shes a bit more all in and consistent over time.

i dont mean give her silent treatment or the cold shoulder or pout. i mean for example, if your instincts tell you do one thing, just maybe dial that "thing" back about 30%.

make sense?

[whiteknight4152]

not necessarily. i think the short answer is you let her lead, you just keep your responses a little bit more dialed back.

for example, if she pulls you toward her (spews couple stuff to you), meet it, but instead of meeting it with 100% or 50%, meet it with more like 30%. if shes short or distant, pull back, let her come to you on her terms.

the key is to let things get a little more stable and consistent. if shes all over you emotionally or physically one day, and you return it softly and with no pressure, it may grow to where shes a bit more all in and consistent over time.

i dont mean give her silent treatment or the cold shoulder or pout. i mean for example, if your instincts tell you do one thing, just maybe dial that "thing" back about 30%.

make sense?

Got it. So when she’s short with me just give her space and don’t respond? Or don’t message her until she messages me?

[once removed]

So when she’s short with me just give her space and don’t respond? Or don’t message her until she messages me?

if shes short or distant with you yes, back off. dont ignore her, no.

also keep in mind why she might be "short". does she sound annoyed with you and is hinting she wants to be left alone, or is she just busy?

if shes working heavily all day, contact with anybody could be a pain in the butt.

[whiteknight4152]

Hey everyone. Me and my ex partner have been talking and have been on good terms lately. Strictly just friends at the moment, but see a relationship down the line once shes healed. I spent the last two nights with her as I’m 13 hours away now working a job for the next 2 1/2 weeks. I’m trying very hard not to bother her all the time, but I sure do miss her. She’s probably busy enough at home, I don’t want to become an annoyance to her since my messaging volume has gone up since I’m traveling, and hers has stayed the same. All day yesterday she wouldn’t message me back, and today, she has, but very minimal. When she goes quiet on me, my anxiety kicks in and I automatically think the worst. I’m annoying her, she’s getting tired of me “pressuring” her romantically, she’s talking to someone else, etc. of course, I had to leave town on her birthday, so I spent the two days leading up to it with her. It was a great two evenings, now I’m just up here missing her. All I want to do is talk to her. I’m trying to hold back as much as I can. But when I’m there waiting for HER to initiate contact, it seems like it never comes. Maybe I should just hold out and wait till she contacts me. Think part of it is I’m going stir crazy up here cause work doesn’t start till next week. Like I said, we’ve been doing great together figuring out each other’s boundaries, and being more open and honest with one another. I’m just ready to get back to her

[whiteknight4152]

I’m trying to be strong and resist asking her what’s wrong, but she is literally being so distant and short with me at the moment. She isn’t responding to any of my messages, taggings, or things I send her. She just opens them and doesn’t respond. What should I do?

[once removed]

She isn’t responding to any of my messages, taggings, or things I send her. She just opens them and doesn’t respond. What should I do?

not keep doing it 

youve got to read the situation. pressuring her pushes her away. her pulling away triggers your anxiety and tends to make you push more (and her pull away further). ultimately, to the detriment of the relationship or what youre trying to accomplish (reconnecting). before we can make things better, we have to stop making them worse.

the ex relationship was important to her. she got hurt, she got into a relationship with you and hadnt fully grieved. she gave it another try, it didnt work out, and shes trying now to fully grieve and heal. whiteknight, that requires a lot of space and zero pressure. pressure doesnt feel safe or comforting, but the opposite. it pushes engulfment buttons on anybody. the warning signs are loud and clear.

i get the anxiety, i really do. im king when it comes to it. but youve got to find outlets other than her for it (this board can be one).

[whiteknight4152]

not keep doing it 

youve got to read the situation. pressuring her pushes her away. her pulling away triggers your anxiety and tends to make you push more (and her pull away further). ultimately, to the detriment of the relationship or what youre trying to accomplish (reconnecting). before we can make things better, we have to stop making them worse

I understand. Its not that I’m not taking the advice given to me, it’s just my mind plays tricks on me using my anxiety as an outlet to keep pushing on her. I haven’t talked to her since yesterday (she only responded to one of my texts) I talked to one of her friends today and asked her advice, and she said she’s been distant with her too. I guess she had a falling out with one of her good friends and is taking it hard. And I guess she has a ton of paperwork today. So I asked her if I should just give her her space and she said yeah, that’s probably best. And she’ll get ahold of you when she’s ready. So do I just go radio silent until she initiates with me?

[once removed]

So do I just go radio silent until she initiates with me?

you should back off the contact and give her space, yes.

but think bigger picture and longer term than "leave her alone until she contacts me". because when she does contact you, you dont want to respond with too much and smother her or project anxiety... .now or ever. generally speaking, whats attractive to women (or men) is confidence. neediness, clinging, over pursuing, all of these things cast doubt and suggest to a woman that the attachment is not a secure one.

confidence is security in yourself and the situation, that she needs space, respecting that space, being strong and giving it to her, and making do. she will tend to come to you when she is ready and willing, but if you answer that by pushing and over pursuing, it pushes a person back into "give me space" mode, or worse.

using my anxiety as an outlet to keep pushing on her.

anxiety needs healthy outlets. forgive me, im sure i have asked, but are you seeing anyone (doctor, therapist) about it? do you have outlets to release it?

[whiteknight4152]

you should back off the contact and give her space, yes.

but think bigger picture and longer term than "leave her alone until she contacts me". because when she does contact you, you dont want to respond with too much and smother her or project anxiety... .now or ever. generally speaking, whats attractive to women (or men) is confidence. neediness, clinging, over pursuing, all of these things cast doubt and suggest to a woman that the attachment is not a secure one.

confidence is security in yourself and the situation, that she needs space, respecting that space, being strong and giving it to her, and making do. she will tend to come to you when she is ready and willing, but if you answer that by pushing and over pursuing, it pushes a person back into "give me space" mode, or worse.

anxiety needs healthy outlets. forgive me, im sure i have asked, but are you seeing anyone (doctor, therapist) about it? do you have outlets to release it?

Right, I wish she would just tell me she’s got a lot going on right now and needs space. That’s totally fine with me. It’s just when she drops off for a few days or something and doesn’t tell me, I get anxious. I’m currently seeing a therapist and psychiatrist for my anxiety. On medication at the moment, which hasn’t seen boasting results thus far. It’s definitly put a stop to my anxiety attacks, but I’m still as anxious as I once was. My outlet to release, is going to the gym. However, being out of town, I won’t have access to my gym for 2 1/2 weeks.

[once removed]

sometimes it helps to talk back to our anxiety, so to speak.

to first spot it. to realize that it may urge us to act, or not to act, and to recognize it for what it is. it starts to lose its power.

i have historically been pretty anxious with/toward women in my life. at some point it clicked with me that hey, i may feel anxious, i cant really help that, but i can help whether i let it drive my actions. i cant tell you a single time that acting on my anxiety has ever been productive. with the opposite sex, ive found it to be 100% counter productive, even self sabotaging. so if its only going to achieve the exact opposite of what i want (in this case, what you want is for her reach out more consistently and push toward a relationship with you, but what is being achieved is pushing her away) then im not gonna do it, right?

i know, easier said than done; it takes some practice. i think if you back off, youll find she reaches out more. i think that if she reaches out more, and you dont respond by over pursuing, or otherwise in an anxious way, but are available, and safe, fun, and strong, youll find her attraction starts to grow. and then things will start to click with you, and youll get it.

living with my discomfort/anxiety taught me to get used to it, and to know that it will pass. it was a leap of faith to start, but when i saw results, i was motivated, and anxiety began to lose its grip and had far less power over me.

[whiteknight4152]

i know, easier said than done; it takes some practice. i think if you back off, youll find she reaches out more. i think that if she reaches out more, and you dont respond by over pursuing, or otherwise in an anxious way, but are available, and safe, fun, and strong, youll find her attraction starts to grow. and then things will start to click with you, and youll get it.

You’re absolutely right. I messaged her last night out of weakness and she sent me a couple messages and that was it. I haven’t talked to her all day today so I’m gonna try to keep holding out until she reaches out to me. She posted a pic today on her insta that read, “ canceling plans is ok. Staying home to cook is ok. Disappearing for a bit to get your life together is okay. It’s called self-care.” So maybe she just needs a breather from everyone. Her friend told me her workload at work has been heavy. So I’m gonna do it. Coming here and hearing your advice actually alleviates my anxiety. Hearing this advice from someone who is experienced in these situations, it gives me hope that I can do this right.

[once removed]

Hearing this advice from someone who is experienced in these situations, it gives me hope that I can do this right.

sure you can! as i said, this place can be a great outlet for that anxiety, and as someone prone to obsession, anxiety, and over pursuing, im happy to help.

She posted a pic today on her insta that read, “ canceling plans is ok. Staying home to cook is ok. Disappearing for a bit to get your life together is okay. It’s called self-care.” So maybe she just needs a breather from everyone. Her friend told me her workload at work has been heavy. So I’m gonna do it.

look at it this way, if it helps:

she needed to go through a recycle and try things again in with the ex in order to let go. the advice members gave you at the time was to give lots of space, and that you had to let it play out... .and that it likely would. you kept in touch, but gave it the space to play out, and it did.

now she needs the space and distance to play out her grief. when someone is grieving, they are inherently and rightfully emotionally unavailable. if she were all over you and tried to bypass her grief with you, it might feel nice but would almost certainly end disasterously for you. so its really in your best interest to let her grieve and heal and reach emotional availability on her terms.

i can also tell you that if i were grieving and someone was pursuing me, i would feel invalidated, disrespected, and id be resentful. thats the last thing you want. set that boundary on yourself. give her room to miss you and wonder about you a bit as she heals. just be there (again without pursuing) when she does. its in your interest to be seen as safe, comfortable, and fun, not pressure.

one thing i told myself when i desperately wanted to reach out to my ex is that i could reach out any time i wanted. its not as if i wasnt allowed to speak to her. however, it was far from in my best interest, so id wait. thoughts like that helped.

[whiteknight4152]

i can also tell you that if i were grieving and someone was pursuing me, i would feel invalidated, disrespected, and id be resentful. thats the last thing you want. set that boundary on yourself. give her room to miss you and wonder about you a bit as she heals. just be there (again without pursuing) when she does. its in your interest to be seen as safe, comfortable, and fun, not pressure.

I feel like I’ve been doing t wrong this whole time since we reconnected. When we first did, she was all over me with I love yous and the happy go lucky girl I fell in love with. As time went on, she got more and more depressed. All the while, I was running off that same energy she was giving me when we first reconnected again. Her family knows we are talking again, and they couldn’t be happier. Actually went to her family’s gathering for the 4th of July. She told her dad that we were talking again, and he said oh good I like that man. He then asked if we were together and she said no just friends right now and that we weren’t going to date for a little bit. She’s always giving me the talk about pressuring her and making her feel obligated. I feel like garbage that I’ve been putting my needs ahead of hers and may be coming off as pressuring when she needs to grieve. This was never my intent honestly... .hopefully by showing her I have the strength to give her space, it’s not too late for us... I was thinking about sending her some flowers in the next few days to suprise her just cause. (Her birthday was he day I had to leave outta town. Does this sound like an okay idea? Maybe it would brighten her day.

[whiteknight4152]

So, some things went down last night. As I stated before, we both love to cook and her business page is a vegan food blog. When I went vegan, I started posting pictures on my page. She texted me, “I guess I’ll give up on cooking since you seem to have it all figured out.” I told her I only posted pics because of the 2-3 people who have came up to me and have told me they were going to change their health and lifestyle for the better. And that I wasn’t trying to mimic her page. I love to cook, and I love to cook with her. Since she decided to blow up about that, I went ahead and I asked her why she dropped all contact with me as soon as I left for out of state work for 2 1/2 weeks. Her response was, “what the F***. DROP YOU? DROP YOU? How many times did I say I didn’t want anything? You put so much f**** pressure on me! I said I didn’t want anything!” I responded, “You said you didn’t want a a romantic relationship right now. I get it. You must heal. I backed off. I’m still your f**** friend. You wanted to start again at the ground level getting back to being best friends first. Because when you don’t care for yourself, care to live anymore,  care to go on, there ARE people around you who do. Who want to listen. Who want to hear you vent. Who want to treat you with respect you deserve. Who want to love you.” She said, “I never asked anyone to do any of that **** for me so don’t throw it in my f*****  face what you did without me asking.” I said, “I’m not boasting I’m not throwing it in your face, but I don’t need your permission to be f**** kind to you.” She said, This is why I don’t open up. This is why I don’t let people in.” I said, You’re not opening up. You’re staying in the same negative spot you’ve been in. I want you to open up. It’s mandatory for growth. You must be vulnerable to move forward. No it’s not comfortable, but it IS necessary. And if you had to be vulnerable, why can’t you trust the one person who sees you inside and out, and loves you regardless of your flaws? I could give a sh**  less about your beauty and everything external about you. I see you for your soul.” and she didn’t respond. Because she knew it to be true. I love her more than anything in this world, but I will not let her walk over me like this. I had to put my foot down and stop acting as her punching bag. I texted her this morning and said, “Good morning. Hope you didn’t take my words harshly yesterday. I understand where you’re coming from. I just want you to understand where I’m coming from. You’re my best friend. Hope the babies(the fur babies) are doing good, miss them. Have a good day.”

Did I handle this well? What do I do now? My friends and family say to just leave her alone. To be a ghost on social media and not post anything, that way she’s more inclined to wonder what I’m up to and initiate contact. I hope I didn’t screw things up, but I had to put my foot down. She’s so hateful to me for no reason. Through all of it, she’s still the love of my life, so I hope I didn’t ruin this.

[FaithfulInLove]

Hello whiteknight!

Oh I really do understand how you must be feeling, those moments when you have enough and feel like you just HAVE TO speak up to not become a punching bag. I hope you are okay, I know this from myself so well!

What I think you could do better in your communication with her is not to JADE. I see you have been explaining yourself a lot. She might be so deep inside the chaos of her own feelings and pain (although the things she is so hurt about might look irrational for everyone who is not in her shoes, but that's the illness) that she can not see how hurt YOU actually are, that she just wants to feel understood and won't listen. Use the tools you find on here as much as you can. They've always just helped me since I know them.

All the best to you! I'd give her the space she needs and validate her feelings as much as possible to help her open up more again.
Some space for yourself might be needed as well - when we are so hurt we can barely react in a way that doesn't hurt our partners.

I'm just giving you my thoughts/opinion on this. Better listen to the wise souls who are more experienced than I am.
Sending support, you don't have to feel alone in this.

[whiteknight4152]

What I think you could do better in your communication with her is not to JADE. I see you have been explaining yourself a lot. She might be so deep inside the chaos of her own feelings and pain (although the things she is so hurt about might look irrational for everyone who is not in her shoes, but that's the illness) that she can not see how hurt YOU actually are, that she just wants to feel understood and won't listen. Use the tools you find on here as much as you can. They've always just helped me since I know them.

Thank you so much for your advice! I will try to soak up all the information here that I can. It’s just became a point, when you treat your partner like a literal queen and get nothing but hatred in return... it takes a toll on you. I just had to let her know how I felt. I love her with all of my heart. I hope I didn’t mess everything I’ve worked so hard for up.

[once removed]

whiteknight, i suspect that entire exchange made her feel cornered and analyzed and pressured.

the message you followed up with was an okay recovery. might have stopped some bleeding, but probably did not reverse the damage.

i agree with your friends and family. she needs a lot of space. at this point, i think its less about letting her wonder what youre up to, but showing her you can respect her and her need for space.

can you do that?

[whiteknight4152]

whiteknight, i suspect that entire exchange made her feel cornered and analyzed and pressured.

the message you followed up with was an okay recovery. might have stopped some bleeding, but probably did not reverse the damage.

i agree with your friends and family. she needs a lot of space. at this point, i think its less about letting her wonder what youre up to, but showing her you can respect her and her need for space.

can you do that?

I can... .praying I didn’t mess everything up

[whiteknight4152]

Update, the flowers I had ordered her delivered yesterday, yet with the help of her friend, her sister, and her dad, the flowers were no where to be found. So I caved and texted her, “Hey. Had a package scheduled to send to the marina for you and it delivered yesterday. I don’t know if you’ve received it yet, I just want to make sure you get it.“
She said she didn’t receive it so I called and they are sending another upgraded replacement out next Tuesday. But ruined the suprise it was supposed to be. We chatted for a little bit and she told me she hopes I have fun while I’m visiting another state for another week and a half. I haven’t talked to her in a couple hours, but I did get more conversation out of her today than I have the whole time I’ve been away. She also posted a picture of her wearing the necklace I got her for Valentine’s Day, and another picture of the necklace I just got her. What does that mean? But She also deleted the pictures of us on her Instagram, which she always tends to do when she splits, them she’ll put them back on her profile.  I told her a Colorado trip and up to Yellowstone Park would be a fun trip(we’ve talked about doing it for her graduation trip). And she said “do it”. And I said in time. maybe for your grad trip and she said “idk. May just go alone some place for my grad trip. Or with one of her girlfriends cause she’s also graduating. I said “of course” and then sent her a playlist for us I’ve been working on cause she just got Apple Music and asked me to put music on it cause she doesn’t have the energy to do it. And she read the message but never replied. Am I getting any good signs? Should I still back off and give her room? She talked to me more today than she has in the last 5 days.

[once removed]

Should I still back off and give her room? She talked to me more today than she has in the last 5 days.

yes, back off and give her room. a lot of it. didnt she recently feel pressured by a similar gift/gesture?

remember what i said about not pouncing when she reaches out. dont over pursue. be available, be cool. but dont go all in, or worse.

i think the short answer is you let her lead, you just keep your responses a little bit more dialed back.

for example, if she pulls you toward her (spews couple stuff to you), meet it, but instead of meeting it with 100% or 50%, meet it with more like 30%. if shes short or distant, pull back, let her come to you on her terms.

[whiteknight4152]

yes, back off and give her room. a lot of it. didnt she recently feel pressured by a similar gift/gesture?

remember what i said about not pouncing when she reaches out. dont over pursue. be available, be cool. but dont go all in, or worse.

Yes, this had been scheduled as a part of her birthday gift though. I’ll try my b at to play it cool. We talked a little today, just small talk. Wishing her a good day.

[whiteknight4152]

yes, back off and give her room. a lot of it. didnt she recently feel pressured by a similar gift/gesture?

remember what i said about not pouncing when she reaches out. dont over pursue. be available, be cool. but dont go all in, or worse.

She hasn’t posted the pictures of us back up on her profile yet. Like I said, every time she splits, she hides them, then puts them back when she’s done. Haven’t talked to her since earlier today. The most I’ve went without talking to her was about 3 days, and she didn’t tag me, text, nothing. Why all of a sudden did this happen? Constantly talking all day to one another, then when I leave out of town, she goes ghost... will everything be back to normal when I get home? I guess I won’t approah her anymore unless she does me. I hope this is all a reflection of herself and a space thing rather than her talking to someone else. Which I doubt, but my anxiety fuels. I am staying busy though so I’m not prone to blowing her up and pressuring her. At least the past two days, I’ve got conversation out of her, which tells me she may be opening back up after that rocky conversation we had a couple nights ago.