Hi Mutt,
It’s a hard decision, you said that it feels like losing your heart, unless she treats her mental illness, she’s not going to change. I saw my ex today in court and she’s the same emotionally immature woman I met 13 years ago. You need more behind you RomanticFool, focus on you and take really good care of yourself.
This is the best advice you could ever give anybody embroiled with a pwBPD. It is so clear to me now that she could not give a fig for my pouring my heart out. She is bored and angered by it. I think with the way she is behaving it is very likely that she has either met somebody else or expected me to jump right back into telling her how beautiful and intelligent she is.
I actually told her how much I care about her but that her behaviour has outraged and saddened me. Along with telling her that a refusal to take responsibility for her actions is consistent with BPD, she is unlikely to talk to me again in a hurry. I wrote her a closure message today, refuting every belief she has in her head about why I'm not talking to her and also underlining the commitment I made to her and how much her behaviour has impacted on me.
She won't take any of it on board but it makes me feel good to have told her in a calm and precise manner that I am not accepting her abuse, however much she deflects, blames and obfuscates. Now that she knows I can see her behaviour for what it is, I don't expect she will talk to me any time soon. If and when she finally does decide to recycle me, as I'm sure she will, I would like to be strong enough for it not to affect me as profoundly as it has (and continues to do) and that I can tell her in exactly the same manner that treating me the way she has done is not acceptable.
There is no way in hell she will ever recognise her dysfunction, let alone do anything about it. If she does come back it will most likely be in a moment of crisis or one of her other supplies has had the same reaction as me.