My thoughts on a failed BPD relationship: Two Years On

[Infern0]

Hey guys I realized I hadn't posted on here for a long time so I thought id come back with an update.

So my story was very typical codependent/BPD story of a fantastic start followed by a very drawn out painful split.

I do feel I was a VERY bad case as i was totally consumed by this whole saga for over two years.  It literally was the only thing I cared about and I was OBSESSED WITH getting the honeymoon period back. I honestly couldn't imagine a time where I'd look back on the whole saga and not be going out of my mind.

But well... .that time has come.

Our relationship ended in July of 2015, and regular contact and mini recycles went on until late 2016. NC started late 2016 and I continued to be obsessed in my own head for several months until about the middle of last year. Watching BPD vids, reading forums, spending all my free time on it.

My work suffered and I lost my great job of several years. I lost a lot of friends, I was stewing in negative emotions and became a very dark person.

She did eventually reach out and I had heard she was pregnant (which was true) and the combination of 7 months of NC and hearing that was what finally broke the spell for me.

Since then we have had very occasional contact which has been civil. I have no interest in getting back together, as she actually seems to be doing ok and I don't want to break up a family.

Looking back I really did some crazy behaviour back then, I honestly was like an addict who was just obsessed with getting his "fix". It was validation I wanted. To feel normal, to feel loved, to feel needed.

All the things I was missing she gave me for a short time, then withdrew, and I'd have done ANYTHING to get it back.

Buy the truth is I was in NO position to have a relationship, I had my own issues which needed to be addressed, and it's a long and frustrating process but it needs to be done.

Her behaviour at the time could be nasty, unpredictable, irrational.  But at the same time many of the things I considered "abuse" were actually true. Her pointing out my weaknesses etc. They were truths from someone who didn't care about sugar coating.

The truths hurt the worst.

But anyways thats my update, it passes. I wouldn't have belived that myself but it does.

My tips to anyone currently having a hard time for this?

Self reflect, self reflect, self reflect.

Most of this is about YOU. Once you can accept that , thats when things can start to improve.

[Wickit]

Brilliantly written and very helpful. Thanks mate!

[Mutt]

Hi Infern0,

It's nice to see an old face.  Thanks for checking in and updating us.

Looking back I really did some crazy behaviour back then, I honestly was like an addict who was just obsessed with getting his "fix". It was validation I wanted. To feel normal, to feel loved, to feel needed.

I just wanted to say this you experienced loss, I think that it's normal to want something back that you've lost, a r/s with a pwBPD can end abruptly and suddenly which can traumatic to us. I'm just saying that that could be a reason compounded with being obsessed with our expwBPD.

[Infern0]

Hi Infern0,

It's nice to see an old face.  Thanks for checking in and updating us.

I just wanted to say this you experienced loss, I think that it's normal to want something back that you've lost, a r/s with a pwBPD can end abruptly and suddenly which can traumatic to us. I'm just saying that that could be a reason compounded with being obsessed with our expwBPD.

Definatley agree and I can't really "blame myself" for my behaviour at the time, but it is still quite shocking when I look back. Also it took me a loong time to admit any fault I had which made things difficult to process

[Husband321]

Hi Infern0,

It's nice to see an old face.  Thanks for checking in and updating us.

I just wanted to say this you experienced loss, I think that it's normal to want something back that you've lost, a r/s with a pwBPD can end abruptly and suddenly which can traumatic to us. I'm just saying that that could be a reason compounded with being obsessed with our expwBPD.

I used to think about this too.

It's sort of like what came first, the chicken or the egg.

I look back at the relationship I had, and cannot recognize myself either. It was madness and I can't believe I was so into that relationship.

But was I a normal and balanced guy, yet naive to BPD?  Or was I emotionally unbalanced, and thus I acted certain ways.

I still tend to believe the former more than the latter.  Much of what they do is "crazy making" behavior that can catch anyone off guard.  Atleast that is my opinion.