Trying to go NC with my BPD ex gf and put it all behind me

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

My story is like so many others I read on here. Only with a slight twist. I'm 26 years older than my ex. She pursued me at the gym for months after I got divorced. I finally gave in and we went out for a drink. What I didn't know was that she already had TWO bf's!

It went on for 3 years. Even when I found out about other guys she would break down and cry, overdosed on pills once, broke into my house 3 times and I still always took her back. Then rinse and repeat.  Again and again. Her father sexually abused her for years. We broke up for 8 months and then she just came to my house one day saying she loved me and wanted me to get her pregnant and marry her. And I did miss her.  Then a week or two after we started going out she started not coming over. Said she was seeing friends each time.

Then I saw her phone and saw 5 guys she was texting! Two of them she was talking about sex with and I didn't read the others. Made me sick. I can't believe I fell for it AGAIN. She wouldn't return my stuff she had so I sent a certified letter to her yesterday saying I would get the police involved if she didn't. She got the letter today and told me she would drop my stuff off in the morning by my mailbox in a bag.

Not sure exactly how I feel about it all. I just don't understand how she can just use me, especially when just weeks ago she wanted to get pregnant and married. What makes this worse is that I would have done that for her, as screwed up as that sounds. I'm 51 now and she's almost 25. The whole thing makes no sense.

[daydreamer67]

My story is like so many others I read on here. Only with a slight twist. I'm 26 years older than my ex. She pursued me at the gym for months after I got divorced. I finally gave in and we went out for a drink. What I didn't know was that she already had TWO bf's!

It went on for 3 years. Even when I found out about other guys she would break down and cry, overdosed on pills once, broke into my house 3 times and I still always took her back. Then rinse and repeat.  Again and again. Her father sexually abused her for years. We broke up for 8 months and then she just came to my house one day saying she loved me and wanted me to get her pregnant and marry her. And I did miss her.  Then a week or two after we started going out she started not coming over. Said she was seeing friends each time.

Then I saw her phone and saw 5 guys she was texting! Two of them she was talking about sex with and I didn't read the others. Made me sick. I can't believe I fell for it AGAIN. She wouldn't return my stuff she had so I sent a certified letter to her yesterday saying I would get the police involved if she didn't. She got the letter today and told me she would drop my stuff off in the morning by my mailbox in a bag.

Not sure exactly how I feel about it all. I just don't understand how she can just use me, especially when just weeks ago she wanted to get pregnant and married. What makes this worse is that I would have done that for her, as screwed up as that sounds. I'm 51 now and she's almost 25. The whole thing makes no sense.

[Harley Quinn]

Hi daydreamer and welcome  

Thanks for sharing your story.  You've really been through the mill by the sounds of it.  I'm so sorry that you find yourself here, though glad that you found us.  

When was the last time you saw her?  It sounds like she's a very troubled and mixed up soul and you've done your best by her.  It's hard and very painful loving someone who is struggling like this.  Does she have a diagnosis and is she under any treatment?  I'm wondering if after the overdose she received any support from professionals.

We're here for you, and can relate to the confusion around this behaviour.  I think it's safe to say the majority of us arrive here feeling this way.  The information you will find in the Articles to the right is priceless, so I'd advise you to take a good look around and the Lessons beneath these are a great place to start in your healing.  How are you feeling right now?  

I hope you'll join other discussions, as there is much to be gained from community support and there's a wealth of experience here on these boards.  Keep talking.  It helps  

Love and light x

[Mutt]

Hi daydreamer76,



I’d like to join Harley Quinn and welcome you to the family. I’m sorry for the circumstances that led you to this site.

You went through a life event and it’s easy to have our guard down and get into a relationship that we otherwise wouldn’t get into a lot of members here can relate with your situation.

What’s your support network like in real life? Do you have a friend or family member that you can turn to? Are you seeing a T ( Therapist )?

She wouldn't return my stuff she had so I sent a certified letter to her yesterday saying I would get the police involved if she didn't. She got the letter today and told me she would drop my stuff off in the morning by my mailbox in a bag.

So what happened? Did you get your stuff back?

[Drs204]

My xgfwBPD and I were far apart in age too. I was 17 years older than her.

When she dumped me she was with another guy a month later.

She said she met the guy a week before.

[Harley Quinn]

Hi dd,

Just wondering how you're doing?  I'm guessing there has been interaction around your stuff coming back.  How did it go?  We're here for you, whatever the situation. 

Love and light x