i dont think Skip is talking about your new or your ex partner.
he is talking about your side of the relationship. in addition to any of the things one normally seeks in relationships such as companionship, giving , sharing, we can make the mistake of trying to reestablish our self-image and self-worth via teh relationship. when we tie our self-image and self-worth to another person, it's risky because if they reject us, we lose a relationship and our self.
Understood. The thing is OR, I never tried to do that before in my life, and always studiously avoided relationships when thing weren't going well in order to feel better, happier or better about myself. I reject the entire notion of 'you complete me'. I even said to the BPD girl when I met her, as one of my reasons to NOT date her is that i don't like to date when things aren't going well because dating isn't about making me feel better it is about bringing my better parts to someone and vice-versa. Yeah I eventually got sucked into just that with her and paid the price for it. One lesson I learned from it. And part of that lesson was to find my direction and self-again (and not tie it into being the BEST or having the BIGGEST success).
New girl is not about healing or self-image or self-worth or at least it is not about gaining that from her. As I see it I found or started to find those again and voila! there she was because I could see her and she could see me. Which is what it was always like before and one reason I am happy about where I am. It doesn't make me feel happy because I am with her I am with her because I am happy. If that makes any sense.
