Wife with BPD, no sense of peace or security in my home

[RBGE]

Hello,

I just wanted to introduce myself. I have been married to a woman for seven years who was recently diagnosed with BPD. She does not accept it and is trying to talk her psychiatrist out of the diagnosis, but I could not be more sure that it is accurate.

My wife and I have known each other since we were 12 years old and I love her very much. She has a lot of great qualities, but I feel smothered and suffocated by our marriage. I think all the time about packing up and leaving one day while she is at work. She can’t stand to be alone. She gets so upset with me if I go to the gym too much or work too many hours for her liking, even if I am working from home and close the office door. She gets upset and there is hell to pay if I am occasionally gone for the day to spend time with friends, extended family or if I go away just for the weekend to visit my parents without her.

I have no sense of peace or security in my home because I don’t know when the next emotional outburst or breakdown is coming.  I feel she is stifling my personal and professional development because she is so afraid of losing me.  She is coming pretty close to making her worst fears come true.

Thanks for reading my story and I look forward to browsing the forums and reading all of yours.

Take care.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Sandb2015]

Welcome,

I'm sorry you are suffering, it does appear that therapy is a start.  You aren't alone here and there is a ton of info and help here.

How did she get diagnosed, did you help with getting her to find therapy, did she go find it herself?

Do you think it would be beneficial to find some for yourself?

You will find tools here and perhaps seek therapy to feel better about how you deal with BPD and yourself.

[RBGE]

Hi,

I have been seeing a therapist for several months and it has helped me immensely as far as feeling better about myself and learning how to set boundaries. Before then I always thought the problems in our marriage were my fault and I had never heard of BPD.

My wife was diagnosed after I made an appointment for her with a psychiatrist to get her meds checked. The psychiatrist interviewed her for an hour and a half and is urging her to get therapy but she has not done so yet. We are starting marriage counseling next week, which I also set up and she is very resistant to.

The marriage counseling is really a Hail Mary. I just wanted to look back and know I tried everything if I end up leaving her. Thanks so much for the advice.

[Mutt]

 Hi RBGE,
 
 
 
I'd like to join Sandb2015 and welcome you to bpdfamily, I'm sorry for the circumstances that led you to this site the clinging behaviour from a pwBPD can feel so emotionally exhausting. I'm glad that you have found us.
 
 

She can’t stand to be alone. She gets so upset with me if I go to the gym too much or work too many hours for her liking, even if I am working from home and close the office door. She gets upset and there is hell to pay if I am occasionally gone for the day to spend time with friends, extended family or if I go away just for the weekend to visit my parents without her.

 Did she have her own activities and hobbies in the past and did she spend time with family and friends?

[RBGE]

Hi Mutt,

She has some hobbies and she is close with her family, but like mine they live six to seven hours away in another state. She makes friends but then does not put in the effort to keep in touch with them long term. This fuels her abandonment issues and makes her think there is something wrong with her, but probably all she has to do is pick up the phone to rekindle those friendships.

[Mutt]

Id suggest to print off a calendar and put it on your fridge and select a day each week for to get in touch with friends and family... Would that help her?