Son’s BPD Wife still causing issues

[Mickey47]

MOD NOTE:  this thread is a continuation of this discussion  https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=334351.0;all

JNChell & Notwendy

Thank you for saying I’m doing good to keep my distance from my son’s situation. I appreciate getting feedback to know I’m doing the right thing. JNChell- Yes, I did ask him and he just said it’s not his thing, but he’d think about it. He knows I’ve learned a lot from it and he knows it’s helped to calm me. I tell him how to go about talking with my son and he says it helps a lot.

My son opens up more when I give him pointers, because this situation is so delicate we don’t want to push too much. His best friend gets upset when he hears the stuff my son tells him.  My son’s wife gets physically abusive and that really upsets his best friend. Doesn’t do me any good either, but I keep telling him that he has to see it for himself. My son has to realize it for himself and see it for what it is.

So I help the best friend a lot too by what I learn in here, because, I can’t talk to my son about any of this. He doesn’t know that I or his family knows anything. I’ve told the best friend “just keep your cool like you have been so that he’ll feel comfortable opening up and this will help allow my son to hear himself letting all this out.” Sometimes it takes hearing yourself saying stuff out loud to someone to make it finally sink in. Hey I’m in a bad situation and I need to get out.

I pray for the day my son comes to me with this, because that’s when I will tell him exactly what he has to do to get out. When the day comes that my son either comes to me or his dad for help to get out of this marriage. That’s when I will be able to help my son see not only does he need to for himself and his own sanity but also for his daughter.

[Turkish]

Maybe your son's friend could ask him, "if you heard a very dear friend of yours who was going through this, and she was a woman, how would you advise her?"

Of course, that may or may not register. I met with my Ex's husband to advise him after she punched him, and it felt like talking to a puppy. I talked to him about DV against men, based upon the info and what I've seen here over the years and he kept saying, "Oh, I'm old school!" what does that mean?

[JNChell]

M47, it seems like things are rather stuck at the moment. prayer and good intentions aside, I respect both, how can you get things moving forward again? What are your best ideas at this point?

Turkish[\b] asks a good question. On a side note. Exactly, Turkish. What does that mean?

[Mickey47]

Turkish

That’s a very good idea and next time I speak to his best friend I’ll ask him to try that. My son is the type of man that he would defend a woman being abused. He would not raise a hand to a woman and he hasn’t his wife. His best friend told me he has had to grab her hands and ended up falling on the ground trying to defend himself. Once on the ground she lost her ability to do what she was doing standing up and he was able to get free.

I asked his BF what does he do after he is free and he said he either would get in his car and leave or go inside the house. Because at the time they lived at the grandparents house. Now what he is going to do when she does it in the apartment and I know she will I don’t know. You know I almost hope the cops are called if so that way maybe that will open his eyes to his situation. Because I know for a FACT my son does not want to go to jail.

That’s a good question JNChell at this point I guess we just have to wait and see what happens next unfortunately. I haven’t been able to talk to the best friend since last Wednesday. He is in the process of moving. Hopefully I’ll hear from him soon.

But maybe what TURKISH said about bringing up a story about a woman being in the same situation with her husband might plant a seed or two and getting those wheels turning again.