No one in my life understands BPD. When I mentioned it to a therapist I was told that psychiatrists don't go by personality disorders. So when I talk about certain problems I'm having with my (undiagnosed)BPD mother, my therapist just uses suggestions that one would use for a "normal" person. She doesn't understand that those "normal" fixes don't work.
Hi Lamia:
I'd like to join the others in welcoming you. I'm sorry you are having difficulty with your mom. I can understand how frustrating that must be for you.
If you go to the green band toward the top of the page and check out the "Tools" menu, you will find links to helpful strategies and communication tools.
There is no magic strategy just for people with BPD traits. What your therapist likely coached you on, and the strategies and communication skills within this website, are skills that increase
your emotional intelligence. They are good skills that can be used with anyone in every day life (work, school, church, neighbors, etc.).
Emotional intelligence is something that people with BPD traits lack. If others interact with them in a similarly dysfunctional manner, things escalate. When you set and enforce personal boundaries, and use emotionally intelligent skills and strategies, you can make things better for yourself.
You can't change your mom. All you can do is manage the way you interact and react to her. Your boundaries are up to you to set and enforce (they are things that you control). Your mom won't likely like or easily honor your boundaries.
You don't need a label of BPD for your mom. Focus on specific unwanted behaviors and how to manage that. Don't expect immediate results when using certain communication skills. In some cases, things get worse, before it gets better.
What are some of the BPD behaviors your mom exhibits?