Hi
Wearymom2 ![Welcome new member (click to insert in post)](https://www.bpdfamily.com/message_board/Smileys/default/bpdfamil-02a.gif)
I join
Faith in welcoming you to bpdfamily, although I'm sorry for the circumstances that brought you here. You found a very supportive group here where we are all walking this journey together, learning how to live our best lives while being supportive of our loved one with BPD. A tall order, I know!
As
Faith says, we can't change our kids, but we can change the way we communicate with them and that often has an enormous impact on our relationships. Most of us came here in crisis and many of us have found relief, support, and comfort by posting here and reading and posting in other's threads.
You talk about boundaries being about what you are willing to do and that's great because when I got here I thought boundaries were about what I expected of my DD25 and what consequences I'd dole out if she didn't meet those expectations :: Sounds like you're ahead of the game there
He is a victim of other ideas in his head as well, which I won't go into. It would be too long of a post.
Feel free to share more, as you are comfortable, the text box here holds 16 thousand characters for a very good reason - we know how important it is to get stuff out, it can really help to talk about stuff that's going on; it helps to know others are experiencing/have experienced similar things.
I'm tired. I keep saying I am going to live my life and not his, but I keep taking him back.
Oh, Wearymom, my heart goes out to you. Yes, having a child with BPD/BPD traits is exhausting and we often put our own lives on the back burner. I hope that you're able to do some things you enjoy, self-care is of utmost importance and can help us weather whatever storm comes next
I plan to go to a codependent support group and I have been seeing a psychologist.
It's great you're getting some support in real life. I hope that bpdfamily will become another layer of support for you.
Have you had a chance to look around the site? We've got tons of great articles and workshops and, best of all, many other parents who understand better than anyone else can what you're going through.
Since you mentioned boundaries, I'm putting this link here for you to read.
Communicate Boundaries and Limits It's a pop-up with a link at the bottom to more information. Here's an excerpt:
It is highly evident that identifying, setting, and maintaining boundaries and limits is important for us and our relationship.
•- Identify what we are willing to accept
•- Identify what goes beyond our limits/boundaries and our sense of self respect
•- Accept that it is ok to say no
Boundaries are how we define our core values to others. A boundary is nothing more than the outer perimeters of our independent core values - it's like a fence - anything inside the boundary is consistent with our core values and anything outside the boundary is not.
You say it's been 10 long years, is that when he was diagnosed? What led to the diagnosis?
I hope to hear more from you,
Wearymom, and how we can best support you.
Again, welcome to the Family!
~ OH