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Skills we were never taught
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A 3 Minute Lesson
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Author Topic: Old member with a new problem  (Read 117 times)
kkce967
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« on: July 08, 2019, 09:17:44 AM »

Hi,
I used to post with some frequency about 10 years ago due to a non diagnosed BPD ex significant other with whom I have a child. She is now 15 and also has BPD recently diagnosed. This year has seen smoking, drinking, fighting, suspensions, legal issues, running away, drugs, and general non compliance on just about anything she is asked to do or not do. She has been in therapy since she was 3 but we are beyond traditional outpatient therapy and her therapist has recommended that she be placed in a higher level of care. She provided me with recommendations and I have contacted admissions for every one of them only to find that they will not take her. I live in Illinois. IL and Wisconsin require that my daughter voluntarily attend the DBT program. That ain't happenin. She won't even consider it because a)there is nothing wrong with her. b) it's too long and c) she doesn't want to. That leaves acute care. A facility in IN will only admit her if there are recent hospitalizations. Truthfully, my daughter has had 3 or 4 hospitalizations. 3 have been outpatient (not my choice) and were close to useless. She behaved like an angel in therapy and like a devil at home after therapy. She was out of the last outpatient treatment for 6 hours before she began acting violently and the police were called. Therefore, I guess I threw my hands up in defeat. Now, the issues have escalated to unbearable. Now, I'm concerned that the next phone call will be that she was found in a ditch somewhere. I need some advice. I need someplace to take her. I find it beyond frustrating that I can't put a minor child in a hospital especially when that minor child is acting out in ways that hurt her and the people around her. If anyone has been through this nightmare, I'd appreciate any and all comments on what I can do to stop this destructive cycle she is on before it's too late.
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Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders
Swimmy55
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« Reply #1 on: July 08, 2019, 01:19:27 PM »

Hi kk
Welcome back.  I am sorry you are going through this.  I know it is beyond frustrating to get adequate help for our BPD kids. You had stated:
"A facility in IN will only admit her if there are recent hospitalizations. Truthfully, my daughter has had 3 or 4 hospitalizations. 3 have been outpatient (not my choice) and were close to useless. "
It seems like she meets the qualifications for the facility since she has had 3-4 hospitalizations ?   At the very least it appears she needs another er visit?
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kkce967
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« Reply #2 on: July 08, 2019, 02:09:03 PM »

Thanks Swimmy.
They were't recent enough. The last one was 2 years ago. But you are right. I should consider another evaluation at the local behavioral hospital. I have just feared they will recommend another outpatient which will cost us money and not help at all.
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Only Human
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Love is still the answer


« Reply #3 on: July 09, 2019, 11:55:05 PM »

Hi kkce and welcome back, though I'm sorry for the circumstances.

You sure have been through a lot with your daughter, I bet you are exhausted!

I don't have anything to offer regarding treatment centers, so sorry about that. What I do have to offer is hope - many parents here have made changes that have improved their situations.

A good place to start is the thread pinned to the top of this board, HOW TO GET THE MOST OUT OF THIS SITE. It's got many great articles with links to more. We are all learning together, supporting each other as we learn new ways to communicate/relate to our children. So, come back here with any questions or comments and let's see what we can accomplish together.

In the meantime, please do take very good care of yourself.

~ OH
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