Has Anyone Enountered Similar Accusations and Delusions?

[Seekinganswers30]

I wanted to create a new thread from my previous to discuss this particular issue that is bothering me. I need to work on providing my own validation but I would really like some comments from others. I wanted to show a message I sent a month ago that led to my ex completely exploding on me and ask how that message below could possibly lead to these nasty remarks from her a day later. This is what finally woke me up to stop tying to contact her as it is hopeless and just makes me more confused. Have you seen this before? Am I out of line or is she delusion and projecting false accusations on me? It was bad enough to lose the woman I loved but now she is calling me all these slanderous things and making out to be the bad guy. I know I should not have chased her for closure or a second chance but she left me with a text and silence and I lost 40 pounds from my body going into shock and I couldn't stop reaching out. I was by no means ever doing what she is saying I did below. Please read my message and let me know if it in anyway deserves her reaction.

Her comments:
"Your justification for things is completely inaccurate and fabricated and to the point of psychological manipulation (the professional term is called gaslighting)!  I feel you are now to the point of being verbally abusive, a threat and stalker and causing great discomfort (which is also a form of abuse of power)!"

This is my message the day before that led to that outburst.
"Yesterday I thought of the conversation you had with my mom about how relationships are hard work. We were making plans together right up until things blew up so I didn't see it coming. With your compassion for others and how religion is high on forgiveness and second chances I am stuck trying to think what I could have done to make you leave me without a conversation in person or on the phone. I don't blame you at all, you leaving woke me up that there was work to be done to better myself, but I see no reason why we could not have talked again to see if we could build a stronger bond. We had one disagreement in 4 months that's a pretty healthy relationship. I broke down when you left and chased you further away because I was attached to you, I felt safe with you and I trusted you. You are the first woman who let me spend Christmas with her family and the first to tell me she thought she was pregnant. I intended to spend the rest of my life supporting you. I can't take my mistakes back until I find that time machine and stop myself from sending you that text which is one of the greatest regrets of my life.
I get paid to fix mistakes. I improve my weaknesses, that's actually one of my strengths. I wanted you to at least know about the improvements I  made. If I refused to watch the news when you asked then you should leave but I fixed that immediately. I wanted to go on road trips and plane trips anywhere with you. My dream is to travel with the woman I care about. It's what I have been waiting for and when I found it with you we didn't get to do it. You were unhappy with me for not going enough places and i wanted to take you places. Tragic miscommunication! It was truly magical when you were in my arms and how I could give you goosebumps with just one kiss on the neck. I couldn't walk away from you in silence. There is research on how the brain is overdosed with chemicals when facing the loss of someone you love and I was not strong enough to stay calm and give you space to rethink your decision, I panicked.
If you saw me we don't have to talk about the bad feelings of the past, just get to know each other again like when we first met. We had a rare connection together. I've dated enough to know when I found someone special. I will accept whatever plan the universe has for us but we need to at least make the effort to see each other in person. I hope that helped explain why I have been slow to move on from you. You have always been more than just another woman I dated for awhile."

[Enabler]

It isn't Gaslighting and she has a fundamental misunderstanding of the word... but it is very JADEing.

Her original reasoning for splitting with you was not rational. Do you think that by providing rational thought in argument against her irrational feelings is going to make her come to the conclusion she is wrong (whole person) and you are right?

She wants you to back off and leave her be, I think you should do this and respect her request even though you disagree with her reasoning and want to explain, even if you see a lack of integrity between her apparent Christian values and her treatment of you. Sadly people are allowed to be confusing and not give you answers.

I know it's tough but explaining and reasoning with her is likely to make her entrench further.

Enabler

[Mutt]

Hi Seekinganswers,

I agree with Enabler that you’re response is very JADEy and her response is negative I can’t see anything to validate. The best thing to do is give her lots of space if she sees or talks to you and it only conjures negative feelings you have to wait until she loses those negative thoughts about you.

With a pwBPD it’s called splitting but don’t add to it in your case. Give her space until the negative thoughts that she has about you are gone and wait until she has positive thoughts about you and even then I wouldn’t bring up the past. Keep things light you can send her a meme or something, just keep it light without any seriousness.

I’m saying this in the context that you’re trying to talk to her, I wouldn’t use it as a chance to talk to her about the r/s. You sound like you’re attached to her, what’ is your goal?

[Seekinganswers30]

My goal from day one since she left was that I wanted us to talk before breaking up and at least make an effort instead of throwing me away like I meant nothing. She left me with a text message right after we celebrated Christmas together when I did nothing wrong and refused to speak to me. My family has used her funeral home business for 15 years and my mom has to go somewhere else now when the time comes. I told her that we need to at least be on friendly terms because of this and she ignored me. My dad was buried through her business. I texted her on the anniversary of his death asking her to please stop being on bad terms with me and she ignored me. Then she starts calling me threatening and a liar and accuses me of stalking when I saw her 2 times in 6 months at the gym. She says her opinion of me has completely changed because I would not leave her alone,. She would not talk to me since the day she left so her opinion of me was not too great to begin with obviously. Then she finally gives me a reason for leaving and says we have nothing in common and she was bored. This is ludicrous and I might have been better off with no explanation. She complimented me on the things we had in common at the beginning. We made new plans to do 7 things the week before she blindsided me. So either I never talk to her again and lose her forever or I get slandered and confused by delusional statements when I contact her and lose her forever. She talked to me every single day for 4 months and then cut me off by blindsiding me with a text 30 minutes before we were supposed to go shopping and my world has been upside down ever since. 8 months later and I still hurt every day. I was loyal, kind and honest to her from day one and she hates me. It's not rational and still feels like a nightmare.

[Seekinganswers30]

Thank you. Mutt. What do you mean by you can't see anything to validate? Can you see how the polite messages I'm sending trying to get her to talk to me should have incurred her calling me threat, stalker, verbally abusive and causing great discomfort or is that just the splitting and emotional dsyregulation rationalizing things to her feelings?

[Mutt]

Thank you. Mutt. What do you mean by you can't see anything to validate? Can you see how the polite messages I'm sending trying to get her to talk to me   

I completely understand what you are trying to convey to your ex I think that enabler can probably relate with your situation as well. It's hard to put into words the frustration that you feel over the course of a r/s with a pwBPD when you are trying to talk reason into your pwBPD and they get defensive, bring things up from the past, accuse you of the very actions that they are doing or bringing up something that you did that is completely unrelated with the situation at hand.

It's a depressing and lonely feeling as time goes on in your relationship and you feel like you are trying come up with constructive ways to mend the r/s etc and the other person is not interested in being constructive in fact they continue to be destructive in the r/s. It doesn't make sense why someone is not interested in repairing the r/s.

It's a pretty lonely feeling when you have given everything that you have and nothing seems to improve.

Her comments:
"Your justification for things is completely inaccurate and fabricated and to the point of psychological manipulation (the professional term is called gaslighting)!  I feel you are now to the point of being verbally abusive, a threat and stalker and causing great discomfort (which is also a form of abuse of power)!"

I'm sorry that I didn't explain here what I mean by there is nothing to validate is that it's all negative she's trying to bait you to sooth her feelings. As you probably already know a part of BPD is emotional dysregulation an inability to self sooth, dysregulation is like turning up your feelings 2000% and you're emotionally flooded and have an inability to be able to use the logical part of your brain because your brain is over saturated with emotions - in this state we can't convey our message across to our you should wait until she returns to her emotional baseline of happiness but say it in a way that a pwBPD would understand.

[Seekinganswers30]

The problem is that there is nothing to wait for. I tried not talking to her for almost 2 months and heard nothing so then I sent her a few messages and that was when the call the police stuff for being a stalker started. So even writing her one more time could end up with her pulling a stunt like that which I want nothing to do with.

[JerichoJax]

My goal from day one since she left was that I wanted us to talk before breaking up and at least make an effort instead of throwing me away like I meant nothing. She left me with a text message right after we celebrated Christmas together when I did nothing wrong and refused to speak to me.

Unfortunately reasoning with someone with BPD just doesn't happen.  My ex planned the end of the relationship for 6 months apparent and took a 10 day trip to see if he could be alone.  That trip at the time I was told was to sort out what he was going to do with his career.  For 6 months I asked if we were ok and was told yes it was just the career.  He told him family two months prior to telling me he was filing for divorce.  The night he finally told me in January there was no real reason given and no discussion it was done.  I have spent months in counseling trying to sort through 8+ years of my life and still can't make sense out of it.  Basically you were wanting something that is opposite of many BPD discards ... she probably had some reason for thinking you were going to abandon her, you were hurting her or she was hurting you.  She saw ending the relationship was the only option and there was no need for discussion. 

I just found out from a friend that I met through my ex the things he was told before meeting me.  During our first Christmas together which was so important to my ex we had a Christmas party with his friends.  My now friend told me before meeting me my ex had prepared him to meet me.  He was told by my ex that I was extremely manipulating, controlling and a monster.  My now friend told me he was so reluctant to attend the party because he didn't think it would be any fun due to the tension.  About half of the people invited who said they would come did not show up and I guess I know why now.   My now friend told me once he met me he came quickly to realize everything he was told was false.  This was a magically Christmas for my ex and I, however in the background he was making me into this terrible person.  That Christmas it never made any sense about the odd things I noticed until now.  You mostly did do nothing wrong at Christmas however something got twisted in her mind that justified the silent treatment.  It is possible she was also covering up something she did and blowing things up to coverup what she did from you ... mine did that many times.  The Silent Treatment is a way to manipulate and control along with being mentally abusive.  They love it when you accept blame for things even when you did something wrong.   I used to have to apologize first to break the silent treatments and most of the time it was me apologizing for bringing up something he had done.  I was in the wrong for having an issue for something he had done that he shouldn't have.  I was manipulating apparently to because anything he did was supposed to be ok.

Your best bet which is what I am doing is just leaving things alone now.  My ex knows if he wants to reach out he can however I am not even trying anymore.  A big part of me thinks I won't hear from him because I now have seen behind his mask however there is this part of me knowing he recycles that feels he will be coming back.  Maybe he will come back and maybe he won't.  If he does then I am now better armed to deal with him.  Right now focus on yourself and learn as much as you can.  Arm yourself so you know how to better deal with her.  Someone in a support group on Facebook mentioned using Gray Rocking which is usually a tactic used with narcissists however now I can see where it would work with someone with BPD. 
 
We are all human being with flaws.  You were idealized and put on a pedestal and for whatever reason you fell off the pedestal.  That pedestal was never one other than God could stand on and not fall off.   She is splitting you white (valuing) and splitting you black (devaluing) over and over again.  All you can do if you want her back in your life is to step back and wait for her to reach back out when splitting you white.  If she is splitting you black at a point in time you are likely to push her further away by trying to reason with her.   Just realize if she doesn't come back it maybe in your best interest and provide the opportunity to find someone new that would be better for you.  It isn't hard however sometimes you have to accept them leaving is a blessing.

[Seekinganswers30]

Thank you Jericho. So you think that's what happened I got split black? Every single thing I read and all my friends say there is no way she is not NPD, BPD or both but I still have doubts every day for some reason. However I did nothing wrong at all and she turned from intense idealization to devaluation and discard so suddenly that I don't think that is normally encountered in a relationship. I certainly hope not anyways.

When she was drunk she made comments about needing to break up first and can't be broken up with, she pushes people away and if someone hurts her she has to hurt them worse so that all fits BPD. Her constant contraditcions and seemingly lack of identity are also big clues. Then after discard she created a new reality and I was a liar and threatening when I have never done those things. She was not able to apologize or take accountability for anything it was all my fault. So BPD fits really well, I just have trouble accepting it for some strange reason.

[Turkish]

Gaslighting isn't a professional term, it's pop psychology. Most of the dysfunctional behaviors of a pwBPD are survival mechanisms rather than conscious, cold, calculated and insidious manipulations which is what gaslighting is. Funny that she would accuse you of this.  I don't even see a hint of it in your message.

When she was drunk she made comments about needing to break up first and can't be broken up with, she pushes people away and if someone hurts her she has to hurt them worse so that all fits BPD.

That is because a person with traits of BPD feel core shame, in that they are unworthy of being loved.  While in a relationship, there is a constant need for the other partner to validate the other's self worth, in order to relieve the anxiety which is driven by those core emotions.

I once sent a similar, though shorter, email to my ex while she was still living with me and the kids.  It may have been similarly JADEy. I was trying to analyze and fix and I admitted to my own faults.  Her response was basically to state that I lacked character, and that she, as a woman of character, needed a real man to lead her and guide her and in that I failed.

I thereafter kept communication BIFF (Brief, Informative, Friendly, Firm) in order to work out our child custody arrangement and to get her out of my  house with minimal drama. 

I wasn't going to change her worldview, and the tactical responses were driven by that worldview, which was driven by how she viewed herself.  No one can change that about us, as our views of others are influenced by how we each view ourselves. 

[ColdKnight]

It’s not about how logical or reasonable or loving the message you are send feels to you it is about how they perceive it.

I read an article written by a girl with BPD. She said when she was in dysregulation no amount of soothing words from her SO would help. No matter how sweet or understanding or supportive the words were. She said it was like someone was feeding her a piece of beautiful pie that she knew was infested with worms and they just kept telling her to eat it.

So its not the message you send its the message they receive that matters...

[once removed]

hi seekinganswers,

what would you have liked to hear from her? what would have been the ideal response you were hoping for?

[Seekinganswers30]

The ideal would be she would agree to see me for a drink or to go to the batting cages or a walk and we could just catch up and she would allow me a chance to show her I can watch the news and improve whatever led her to leave me. Worst case have a healthy mature conversation and depart on friendly terms instead of the pain and confusion and threats of police she has left me with.

[WhatJustHappened?]

I'm sorry you're having difficult times. I'm not nearly as educated on BPD terminology but what I can say from experience is that once you're turned into the bad guy, you're dead to them.

What you want at this point, no matter how rational or reasonable it is, won't happen.

My advice is to back off before you "poke the bear" too much and the police are called.

This is one of the main problems with BPD. They get you hooked and then turn against you...just at your weakest moment.

It's time to take care of yourself and go silent. Maybe in time, you'll be back on her good side but now isn't the time.

[Seekinganswers30]

Saw her at the gym a few days ago and stayed away. She had a look of shock when she saw me on the way out. I was actually surprised to see that she had gained some weight in her bum and legs but I didn't take any pleasure from it. She was on a starvation diet when she broke up with me but had periods of binge eating in her past so who knows what has happened since she left me. I still so desperately wanted to just go have a conversation with her like we used to so I guess even though I've been in no contact for almost 6 weeks I was kind of getting rejected again.

I have been seeing more and more how she was mirroring me the first 3 months. She was fascinated by everything we talked about and what I was up to each day. I know it's a rabbit hole but it bothers me that she said she lost interest in me because she was bored and we had nothing in common when I was praised for the very same things in the beginning. It wouldn't even matter how irrational her answers were but I really want to talk to her about what exactly it was she was bored with and what she thinks we didn't have in common, because her favourite thing to do is travel and I would have went anywhere with her. When she had a rage/anxiety attack I could wrap her in my arms and clam her down in 30 seconds. She said I was the best ever at playing with her hair and relaxing her. Then suddenly we have nothing in common. Those are a couple of extremely huge benefits that she threw away and seems to have erased from ever happening. I do realize I have to stay away and not justify her delusions of me being a threat and a stalker who causes her discomfort but it is so frustrating to lose someone so important by her hiding behind a cell phone. She wrote me 5 times in the span of her leaving me from December to July and each message actually made me more confused and each of her messages grew more hostile and negative as they progressed.

It's funny how my mind is so sure that if I had married her or even just dated her for a year or two she would have still snapped on me for something else eventually and probably still left me with a text break-up. And that would have devastated me far worse. Yet I still am so sad and frustrated that she would blindside me with a text dump 30 minutes before a shopping trip together and then cut me off cold turkey from ever being able to see her again in person. I've never encountered this before in my life. All my other breakups made sense while this one seems like it could be fixed so easily yet still impossible to do as she insults me more and more with each communication.

Called my friend last night to talk me down from a texting her urge and writing here today for further help. Thank you.

[MeandThee29]

That is because a person with traits of BPD feel core shame, in that they are unworthy of being loved.  While in a relationship, there is a constant need for the other partner to validate the other's self worth, in order to relieve the anxiety which is driven by those core emotions.

I once sent a similar, though shorter, email to my ex while she was still living with me and the kids.  It may have been similarly JADEy. I was trying to analyze and fix and I admitted to my own faults.  Her response was basically to state that I lacked character, and that she, as a woman of character, needed a real man to lead her and guide her and in that I failed.

I thereafter kept communication BIFF (Brief, Informative, Friendly, Firm) in order to work out our child custody arrangement and to get her out of my   house with minimal drama.  

I wasn't going to change her worldview, and the tactical responses were driven by that worldview, which was driven by how she viewed herself.  No one can change that about us, as our views of others are influenced by how we each view ourselves.  

So much wisdom here. One of the authors that I follow online recently wrote this, " Two important rules. I don't do crazy. I define what crazy is." Learning to trust your perceptions is part of your healing. It's OK to decide that something isn't right with what our partners say. If you aren't sure, it's OK to call a friend to talk it out. I'm very blessed to have several local "been there, done that" friends who help my thinking at times. Of course friends here help with that too  .

Bill Eddy's BIFF writing helps so much. You can read the basics online or get the book. It's a gem for any relationship characterized by conflict.

[Seekinganswers30]

I came out of the gym yesterday and saw the ex walking to her car so I stayed an aisle away and then she stopped in front of my car because I had parked directly in front of her car. The odds of that are astronomical. I honestly had no idea it was her car as she drives several different cars owned by the family business so I do no remember what she was driving 8 months ago. I always drove us everywhere anyways. The odds of that happening are so bizarre, almost like it was meant to happen so I could finally tell her off after the craziness that was about to happen.

I got in my car and avoided eye contact with her, looked at my phone and looked up and she was video taping me with her phone. I had enough of her accusations when I was the one who had lost 40 pounds from her hurting me. I've been complete no contact for 6 weeks and I run into her and she starts up again that I'm a stalker. People bump into each other when they live 10 minutes away from each other. So I got out of the car and said, "What the hell are you doing taping me." There were 2 guys getting out of the car beside her and she starts talking to them and wouldn't even look at me. She told them she was shaking and we used to date and I'm stalking her and it had gone on long enough. She said she talked to the general manager at the gym the day before and he was going to kick me out. The guys wanted nothing to do with the conversation

I told her that I was the one who was blindsided, betrayed and thrown in the garbage but she needs to play the victim. She was making a whatever face the whole time no guilt or empathy or anything for all the weight loss and pain I suffered and she would not say anything to me back. I said everything is always about her and how she needs to be respected and all about her feelings while she throws me in the garbage. I got back in the car and then thought again enough is enough and I got back out and said she needed to go home and look up borderline personality disorder because that's what she has and she always needs to play the victim while she leaves destruction everywhere she goes. She rolled her eyes when I called her a Borderline and knew what it was, she wasn't confused. I drove a block away and then came back to the gym and talked to the manager and said she had broke up with me by a text a few days after Christmas even he said that was terrible. I said I never saw her for months but that was the second time she had yelled at me for being a stalker in the gym. He said it was fine for me to go to the gym and took down the information. I also asked if she had put in a report about me and he said no. So she actually turned to a complete stranger and made up a compete lie of reporting me the day before and being told I would be removed from the gym. How insane is that to be able to create a lie like that on the spot? I would really like comments and thoughts on this.

When I got home, I called the police myself for advice and he said I could go to the gym anytime I want. This is Canada so restraining orders are not as easily made here. I told him she was video taping me so I got out of the car and told her off and he said there was nothing to worry about.

The friends I talked to think she is playing games because if she was actually scared of me she would have got in her car and driven away when she saw me not stopped beside her car pull out her phone and make a scene taping me. She also would have blocked me on her cell phone when I was trying to get her back a couple months ago if she actually thought my texts were causing discomfort so weird that she never did block me. Your thoughts on the video taping instead of driving away would be appreciated.

I don't know how she was able to be so perfect for a few months and be this delusional monster now. I feel stupid that I didn't see this earlier but I'm not too hard on myself as I realize that she is a pathological liar. It's quite scary how she can go through life like that. I'm still going to the gym, I'm not letting her control me but I won't make direct eye contact ever again. She is completely lost.

[Seekinganswers30]

Any thoughts on my last post today would be appreciated. This just happened yesterday and it's still shocking to witness such a crazy lie made up on the spot and the video taping. Kind of terrifying how someone who idealized me so hard could hate me so much over nothing. Every woman I talk to lately has stories of them or their friends having a controlling, angry ex that they stuck with for years and I did my very best with this girl and she treats me like this. I truly hate that I even had to confront her yesterday to defend myself but I have to get my self respect back.

[ColdKnight]

To be honest man, I would find another gym. I know it sucks but nothing good can come of this.

Just my advice

[ColdKnight]

Sorry I’ll add more later. Got to run but wanted to get that out to you. I think once you get to this point there is no pulling her out of this tailspin she is in.

Any type of stalking allegation can only get worse. Avoid this woman at all costs brother

Again, just what I would do (at least that’s what I hope I would do, I know what feelings for a woman can do to a man)

[Seekinganswers30]

Thank you. What do you think the reasons are for her to not just get in her car instead of causing this confrontation and most importantly to say to some stranger she had already reported me to the general manager and had been told I would be removed when that never happened? What's the point of lying like that? Can she just not help it?

[once removed]

Seeking,

She's requested several times now to be left alone.

Breakups hurt. All of us here know the pain.

When someone asks us to leave them alone, we need to accept it and respect their wishes. It's not on them to heal our wounds.

To continue to pursue this could get you in trouble, and even greater pain.

Finding another gym is good advice. There comes a point where letting go is the only right choice.

[Seekinganswers30]

I was leaving her alone. I got in the car and didn't look at her. When she started taping me I engaged.

[nightrider121]

I was leaving her alone. I got in the car and didn't look at her. When she started taping me I engaged.

She's provoking you to get a reaction out of you. I know it's easier said than done but you have to ignore and be indifferent to her.

Pbpd are masters at manipulation. And to be honest she gets high at any sort of attention you give them and treat you like
crap especially when you're painted black. I have two classes with my ex thus far and with all her games and trying to get my attention or provoking me...I did not give in once into talking to her. I've become stronger and know a side of me that I didn't before I met her.

Easier said than done but I think it's best if you ignore 100% place yourself first and focus on yourself.

When you don't give into their crap that's when you're the winner.

[once removed]

come on, Seeking.

I tried not talking to her for almost 2 months and heard nothing so then I sent her a few messages and that was when the call the police stuff for being a stalker started.

youve made several attempts to get her to talk to you over several months, after she asked to be left alone. members tried to tell you this at the time. you kept contacting her, and each time, more aggressively, she asked to be left alone.

since then, youre showing up at her gym, on the same days, at the same time.

maybe parking in front of her was a coincidence. it wouldnt be unreasonable for her to think it wasnt. if she considers you a threat (shes gone to the police before), then she would be taping you for evidence. by telling her off, you gave her more of it.

weve all struggled with letting go, Seeking. some of us have pushed pretty hard for closure. this has gone pretty far. we dont want to see you get into trouble, and even more pain.

I have to get my self respect back.

if you want your self respect, do the healthy things. a self respecting man would stay far away from this.

[Seekinganswers30]

I had been going to the gym for several months before I saw her. She has seen me there 4 times in 8 months. I don't think that is cause for this nonsense but I agree, I'm not even going to look in her direction ever again. There is no point and it does hurt me to have someone who said she loved me hate me like this so I need to stop poking at my wound.
Can I get thoughts on her saying she had talked to the general manger of the gym and was told I would be kicked out when I know for a fact that didn't happen because I talked to the manager that night and he confirmed that never happened. Was that supposed to be another intimidation tactic? So scary to be able to lie on the spot like that so easily.

[nightrider121]

I had been going to the gym for several months before I saw her. She has seen me there 4 times in 8 months. I don't think that is cause for this nonsense but I agree, I'm not even going to look in her direction ever again. There is no point and it does hurt me to have someone who said she loved me hate me like this so I need to stop poking at my wound.
Can I get thoughts on her saying she had talked to the general manger of the gym and was told I would be kicked out when I know for a fact that didn't happen because I talked to the manager that night and he confirmed that never happened. Was that supposed to be another intimidation tactic? So scary to be able to lie on the spot like that so easily.

She may have been thinking about it and would act on it.

She may have been trying to make you feel like crap.

She may have just lied just for attention.

Bpds will do anything to put you down and not let you win in an argument even it means saying all the things she did

[once removed]

are the general manager and the manager two different people?

its entirely possible the manager hadnt yet heard from the general manager.

at this point, does it matter? if she is scary, wouldnt it be a better idea to find another gym?

[ColdKnight]

I know you are trying to get answers to understand her behavior but the reality of it is they don’t even understand their behavior.

There is no sense to be made of why or what she is doing. If she has BPD her head is storm of emotions. They lie all the time about even the most trivial thing. They lie to make the world fit their reality. The remark about you being kicked out of the gym was probably just something she was thinking in the spur of the moment. The bottom line is why’s don’t matter.

Example:
I finally sent my upwBPDxgf a long caustic text calling her out on her behavior and telling her that I would avoid her at work and I expected her to do the same. It was not a nice text at all. Basically ending all chance of us ever reconciling.

The next day she included me on the invite list for social event at work. I tried to figure out why on earth would she do this. It made no sense at all. In her twisted mind it did though. I stopped trying to figure out why she did it. It just doesn’t matter at this point.

And...no I did not attend the event. I have not seen her nor communicated with her in three weeks.

[Cromwell]

I agree with ColdKnight it comes across as a provocation, the filming and having 2 guys with her as witnesses, could include the lie to the manager, just trying to get you to react in an aggressive way. Fits the prior story of calling you a stalker, like she is trying to build some sort of case.

The cautious advise would be avoid her, quit the gym. The other advice is stick up for your own sense of right and wrong. I avoided a coffee shop I used to enjoy going to that she got a job at, to avoid confrontation. The other side of me felt I was sacrificing my choice and free will.

How do you feel either way about the opportunity to ventilate and air what you have felt? I wonder if it helped to let her know, this has been bubbling away and at least you got some of it verbalised? From a practical point of view, if stuff like this happens again, if I couldnt remove myself easily id get the phone out and record as well - have then evidence to protect myself from any possible falsifications. A lot of people will stop the hostility and even clear off when they realise what they are doing is being recorded.