Still hurting after 5 years

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

  It has been 5 years since I left my BPD girlfriend and it hurts worse then ever. After a foolish argument, she through me out, and to be honest I was relieved. She was driving me crazy after 5 years together and I really wanted out. After a few days, she began begging me to come back, sobbing, pleading, etc. But eventually she stopped. For 2 years, I didn't even think about her, but then I began hearing bad things about her ( drinking, etc..we are both in AA ) and haven't been able to get her out of my head since. I want to reach out to her and tell her what a amazing woman she is, and how she changed my life for the better. How I have a lifetime of wonderful memories of her and the time we shared. But she avoids me like the plague. What the heck is wrong with me? I clearly remember being un-happy and stressed out to the max and wanting to leave. Why is it that after almost 5 years, I miss her so much and can't stop thinking about her?  I know I can't save her, or make her life better in any way. I just think it stinks that we shared so much time together and have so many memories ( she will always be a part of my life )  that we can't even be friends?  Why can't I get over this?

[r4m7]

  It has been 5 years since I left my BPD girlfriend and it hurts worse then ever. After a foolish argument, she through me out, and to be honest I was relieved. She was driving me crazy after 5 years together and I really wanted out. After a few days, she began begging me to come back, sobbing, pleading, etc. But eventually she stopped. For 2 years, I didn't even think about her, but then I began hearing bad things about her ( drinking, etc..we are both in AA ) and haven't been able to get her out of my head since. I want to reach out to her and tell her what a amazing woman she is, and how she changed my life for the better. How I have a lifetime of wonderful memories of her and the time we shared. But she avoids me like the plague. What the heck is wrong with me? I clearly remember being un-happy and stressed out to the max and wanting to leave. Why is it that after almost 5 years, I miss her so much and can't stop thinking about her?  I know I can't save her, or make her life better in any way. I just think it stinks that we shared so much time together and have so many memories ( she will always be a part of my life )  that we can't even be friends?  Why can't I get over this?

[Turkish]

I want to reach out to her and tell her what a amazing woman she is, and how she changed my life for the better.

I believe you that she did.  However, do you need her validation (even if implicit) to realize that you changed your life for the better and that you are an amazing person? She may have been a catalyst, but you did the hard work, yes?

[Lucky Jim]

But she avoids me like the plague. What the heck is wrong with me?

Hey r4m7, No, there's nothing wrong w/you, except that after five years, it's time to let go.  Why do you think you are holding on so hard to what you describe as an unhappy and stressful situation?  Presumably because it goes deeper than just her.  Your task, I suggest, is to dive deep and figure out where she fits in the overall pattern.  It's a worthwhile inquiry to find out why you got involved w/a person w/BPD in the first place.

LuckyJim

[LilMe]

I do not have an answer for you, but am with you in spirit. Been out 3 1/2 years and doing awful here too!