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Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits. Practicing lawyer, Senior Family Mediator, and former Licensed Clinical Social Worker with twelve years’ experience and an expert on navigating the Family Court process.
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Author Topic: How to Let go with love ?  (Read 125 times)
Timberwolf

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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Friend
Posts: 4


« on: October 17, 2019, 04:53:37 PM »

met someone  during a  low point in my life. I was isolated and friendless, and had no family. We met online and, for the next six months talked everyday. I knew the person had BPD but they seemed  nice and I happily accepted  an invitation to fly out and spend my birthday with them.
      I became this person's favorite person  That quickly changed after I arrived and an old FP re-entered the picture. This was an ex and our relationship was just platonic. Needless to say it was like a switch had  flipped and the person went from being warm and loving to distant  and ignored  me while they spent time with this other person.  Some conflict ensued  and I ended up being painted black, and asked to leave two days early. Because I could not due to the cost of changing the plane ticket my BPD  became angry and belligerent and I had to find my own way back to the airport which was very expensive.
      I made a few mistakes myself for one I lied about my age which I know was not OK and then cancelled an offer of help because of how hurt I was . I contacted them a few days after And offered a portion of the money which they accepted  then  blocked me everywhere. I found out they called my parents at this time and stayed in touch with them over the next few months.  I was never told anything about this only that the person would call and ask for money.
      Fast forward a few months We bumped into each other  on another  forum, and  things were friendly at first;  but  he was very adamant  he  could not talk outside the  forum which made discussing anything  impossible. I should have left this place immediately but did not, I suppose because I missed the person so much and felt angry because . I had already been kicked off of another  forum  because of him.   So I remained and things went downhill from there . But sometimes he could be nice, and at one  point  even suggested he wanted me to call her so I sent  a text asking if it was OK. I got no response and he  again called my family saying he  was concerned  but would not speak to me directly .  I finally gave  up and said I would leave and now he’s  saying he  tried for months  hoping I  would come around and it hurt him deeply (which I did not know) And  now it was too late his  life and moved on and he did not need me for anything. He also said because I lied he could not trust me .
      I am devastated as I mourned this  loss for months and was hoping we could at least talk. I forgave his  smear campaign and at least wanted the chance to apologize. He  refused but continues to stay in touch with my mother who talks trash with him  about me . Is there anything I can do to fix this, or at the very least let go kindly and with love ? My heart is hurting and I don’t want to stay split black forever

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Mutt
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
What is your relationship status with them: Divorced Oct 2015
Posts: 10026



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« Reply #1 on: October 18, 2019, 06:13:18 PM »

Excerpt
I am devastated as I mourned this  loss for months and was hoping we could at least talk. I forgave his  smear campaign and at least wanted the chance to apologize. He  refused but continues to stay in touch with my mother who talks trash with him  about me . Is there anything I can do to fix this, or at the very least let go kindly and with love ? My heart is hurting and I don’t want to stay split black forever

You’re not going to split black forever although if you shame a pwBPD it would only prolong it. I’m not saying that you shamed them it’s just in general. You’re going through a difficult time and it can really hard to look at things objectively.

You probably already know that it’s not a good idea to involve yourself with the drama between him and your mom. The best thing to do is to give him space and to take care of yourself on the meantime.

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