happy I'm no longer blocked on social media, not looking to contact her

[itsmeSnap]

I was looking at Halloween pictures on social media of people I know, and eventually some people I used to know, including ex's.

To my surprise I was no longer blocked and could actually find my bpdex's profile.

It was around this time last year that she cut contact with me.

It actually made me quite happy that I'm no longer blocked, even though it may have nothing to do with her trying to reach out to me again (still not "added" on any platform), I know people flush their contacts/blocked lists every once in a while, maybe she was trying to reach/check on some other ex, or maybe it was about me, who knows.

I have no intention of contacting her. I guess I like the comfort of possibility, even if I have no intention of acting on it.

I don't think this feels like closure either, if anything it reminded me of "the good times" with her, gave me a nice fuzzy feeling .

Anyway, it was nice just imagining that maybe she's not "block me" mad at me anymore.

For those blocked/ghosted/broken up/stonewalled, how would you feel in my situation? Would you take the chance to try and reestablish contact?

[once removed]

maybe she's not "block me" mad at me anymore.

i think thats a reasonable interpretation.

Would you take the chance to try and reestablish contact?

no.

i think youre right to read this as something to feel reasonably good about, but not to pursue it.

a lot of us tend to interpret these things as opening the door, or maybe we assume that the person wants us to contact them. that is usually misreading, or reading too much.

thats not to say it cant lead to her contacting you eventually. thats probably less likely if you push.

[Mutt]

I agree with the others I wouldn’t try to contact because you might get blocked again.

I’d wait to see if she sends a message to test you. Just be patient.

[once removed]

how is it going with the new woman?

[Lucky Jim]

I'm with Mutt and once removed: I suspect contacting her will be a setback for you and your recovery.  It probably feels good to be "unblocked," yet it also implies that on some level you are still engaged.  It's time to move on, my friend, which is why you're here on the Detaching Board, right?  By the way, plenty of us, including me, have recycled, only to find ourselves in the same place further down the line, except with more pain.

LuckyJim

[Cromwell]

Alright Snap?

Its been a week since posting,

still "happy"?

[itsmeSnap]

Its been a week since posting,

still "happy"?

Hey cromwell

I know a relationship wouldn't work, we tried too many times already, but I'm still happy about "not being blocked" because maybe she also remembered the good times and felt that same warm fuzzy feeling for just long enough to take me off her "naughty list", makes me happy to think even if just maybe, she felt that way.

I’d wait to see if she sends a message to test you

It's sort of uncomfortable to think of her testing me, like I have something to prove? I don't, and neither does she. I loved her for what she meant for me when I met her, probably still do, and I'm ok with that.

how is it going with the new woman?

Didn't work out, she was interested, then not, then interested again, then not. This last time she got sick, work was bad, family being family, off her meds (doctor approved), I became just another thing she had to deal with (her words), so she ended it.

maybe that's some context as to why I'm feeling "warm and fuzzy" thinking someone else (bpdex) may be thinking fondly of me

It's time to move on, my friend

I'm coming to terms with the fact that for me, moving on means I'll always have feelings for my ex's, including her, and that doesn't mean I won't do things or meet people because of that (getting a few matches already, guess 'tis the season right?) 

I still think about past crushes a lot, I like remembering the good times, it also goes away as soon as I meet someone new and comes back with a new person added to the list (my most recent breakup) when its not worked out. Maybe that's me obsessing, but that's just how I'm dealing with things right now.

[itsmeSnap]

I had a weird dream today, it was about someone I almost dated a few years back (she was my friend, I liked her, she liked someone else, got cheated on, I knew and told her, she didn't believe me, she broke contact), but after waking up I'm realizing the story was about my most recent breakup (the person I dated after my bpdex)

I woke up feeling sad, bit confused. I still remember them both quite fondly and longingly it seems.

In other news, my bpdex just contacted me, happier than she's ever been talking to me.

Man its been a weird morning and I've only just woken up. I'll keep you posted

[once removed]

In other news, my bpdex just contacted me, happier than she's ever been talking to me.

Man its been a weird morning and I've only just woken up. I'll keep you posted

do. whats going on? howd she break the ice?

[itsmeSnap]

Said "if you only knew whats happened since last time"

Told her it was nice to hear from her again, she said she's been thinking about me from time to time (+1 intuition for me I guess haha) didn't ask for more info, she said she's had it rough, had to move out or "who knows what the PLEASE READ would have happened" to her.

Not unexpected given what I know about her and her story, I just said hopefully things are better now.

Today we caught up about what we've been up to (she asked first), I mentioned a few things, she said glad I'm doing ok, she said nothing "fun" happening on her end, no mention of what happened or why it happened, I'm not really in the mood to talk about that either. We talked about the weather.

Its still nice to talk to her. I'm not expecting or even want it to lead to anything or even last at all, right now it was just nice talking to her.

[itsmeSnap]

We've kept contact, talking about whatever. Today she opened up about what happened after she disappeared on me:

(Tried to find my original post but couldn't, maybe I'll search deeper and find a link to add for context)

Turns out she had been seeing the coworker the she mentioned was just a good friend, problems with her ex/roomate escalated to violence, she moved out recently.

I thought about these situations back when it happened, and it really doesn't surprise me at all.

Says she'll open up more about the troubles with her roommate as we keep talking, but is apprehensive about his relationship with her coworker.

I suspect its a big fat lie

Before she mentioned him we were talking about meeting the right person (since I mentioned I've dated someone after she cut contact, she asked) and said she might have met him already, I told her cheers for meeting the right person, she said her wedding might very well be where I'm from (it really did feel like she was talking about me)

I didn't bite, told her oh cool then I could come be entertainment for her bachelorettes when she did, she asked if I'd be there in person at her wedding, said sure, we'd party, it was a fun conversation, we actually got romantic before during one such conversation in the past so it was basically deja vu for me, I knew exactly what she was thinking.

Anyway, I suspect she's trying to bait me into feeling sorry for her with her troubling story. I mentioned support and ways to move on, rejected coldly and immediately. I feel she's playing her role, I'm definitely playing along, just not biting haha

I hope it doesn't sound cruel, I do believe she gets into the trouble she does and did, so it's nice that she opens up and has someone to talk to. I also needed someone to talk to, I'm just not getting into the deep end this time.

[Lucky Jim]

I also needed someone to talk to, I'm just not getting into the deep end this time.

Hey itsmeSnap, I suggest you tread carefully, my friend.  It sounds like she's throwing you a few crumbs to keep you on the line.  Presumably you have your reasons for re-engaging, but usually these types of interactions with a pwBPD end with more pain.  What keeps you hanging on, as the song says?

LuckyJim

[itsmeSnap]

Hey Jim

For a long time I needed to know what happened, I theorized and tried to rationalize. I am hearing from her that my hunches were mostly correct, so thats actually part of the reason, I needed to know for sure.

Another reason is this is sort of my closure I guess. To not fall, to not bite, to know I'm above the games, and if I'm being honest, to know that I can also keep her "on the line" like you said haha sorry I know, not quite healthy.

Given past history, her talking to me means her new relationship is going bad, though she won't admit it until I bite, she's done that before. She's mentioned the boyfriend is jealous, probably because she's talking to him about "talking to a good friend", me, like she talked about him while she was with me, just before she cut contact with me.

I will admit I'm not trying to precipitate a breakup, nor am I leading her on to think I still like her romantically, but I know what's going on, and I know that's what she does, and I don't really mind things going the way they usually do for her, that's on her.

I'll stay friends, it will probably blow up when she has a weak moment and I have to reject her advances, but its ok, maybe it won't happen and I have a very interesting, even if sort of dysfunctional person to talk to