Sorry I was offline all weekend!
Seeing a therapist and having a good support system (this board can function that way, too) helps in that it is intended to give you strength and a safe, healthy release. As well as a third party-run "tune-up" to help keep your head on straight. It's a reality check for me. Sometimes, when living with pwBPD, we can start to develop our own unhealthy patterns or start to wonder if we may be crazy. Having a reality check keeps things in perspective.
How can you do that forever more?
You can't. That's why you need to take care of yourself and have a strong support system.
And you can't and shouldn't just not respond to horrible behavior. It's just about how you respond. And sometimes, it's about knowing how to handle a situation early so it doesn't become a horrible one.
You can't stay in a situation or allow your children to be exposed to a situation that's unhealthy or dangerous. Does that mean leaving? Or does it mean addressing the problem to try to get on better ground? How you respond and what path you choose to take is something we can help you figure out.
Are you still with your H?
I am. I've been fortunate (relatively speaking) in my situation. I reached my breaking point and left. Turns out, it was right around that time that he finally found a therapist he clicked with and started to have a change in attitude. He accepted what he'd done wrong and became committed to working on it. So, I returned home and we've both worked hard at communicating better and working together.
Now, our marriage is not perfect. I still see BPD behaviors. But he is no longer abusive. I keep my eyes wide open, though, and my senses are heightened, looking for any sign of backsliding.
And I would not recommend my story as a strategy to anyone. Leaving will not necessarily cause a loved one to straighten up and fly right. And I did not leave him to try to force his hand. I genuinely had no intention of going back. In my case, my H is self-aware enough that he was able to start to turn himself around. If he hadn't been able to do that, I couldn't have done it for him.
Anyway, his work on himself and my own acceptance of the role I've played have been key to our marriage recovery. I've learned a lot here about communication techniques that have been vital.
Every case is different, though.
The deferred violence (stabbing the pix) is something that is very concerning. I hope you will reach out and that you will read those links.