I have cut off communication with my daughter

[MyaRose]

I have cut off communication with my daughter as I feel I've had enough of her verbal abuse and continuing craziness that now involves her baby and 5 year old daughter.
I'm feeling anxious that she will carry out her threats of cutting me out of the kids life and not allowing me to see them. I'm very close to my 5 year old granddaughter and she counts on me to be there a few times a week. Her mom is real hard on her and it breaks my heart to watch it happen. I have held my tongue so much and let her rant on without replying. I'm so angry that she is divorcing her husband who has bent over backwards for her and is a great father but she has treated him badly but he wants to keep the peace but has a lot of anger and resentment. She is sleeping with other men and this is her usual pattern of keeping a guy til she's tired of him and drops him and moves on to the next. I'm angry she's doing this again while dragging her kids through it not caring how it effects them. I'm going to try to find a counselor after the new year as this is tearing me apart.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Resiliant]

MyaRose, welcome to the family.  We are here for you.  This is such a sad and difficult time in your life!

It's so good that you are going to try and find a counselor.  This is so important.  As parents we take on all of our children's problems as our own.  Throw grandchildren into the mix and now it is that much harder!

I have had so many doctors and counselors tell me " Look - you're a mom, and you want to fix everything.  But you can't."    Frustrating as that is, it's true.

The best thing that you can do right now is to take care of yourself.  When you are strong in this difficult situation then you are equipped to be strong to deal with your daughter and your grandchildren.

What questions do you have for us?

 

[MyaRose]

I am very depressed and don't feel like I have the energy to keep going. Daughter not allowing me to see my grandkids tomorrow. Five year old counts on me. Cries when I leave. I feel like I abandoned her to her crazy mom.

[Sadnana]

I am so sorry MayaRose that you are going through this terrible time.
I can completely understand. I also have grandchildren by my 27 yr old bpd daughter.
It has almost destroyed me more than once. I love all of them so much and all of it is out of my control.
I have been lucky enough to have a good relationship with the father of 2 of my grandchildren. He has had sole custody for 3 years. So we have been able to have visitation with them and maintain our relationship with them. However she has since had another child that is 18 months old that we are not seeing and it is by our own choice which just rips me apart. She is going to court tomorrow to try and get visitation with her other 2  that she has not had any contact with in these past 3 years and my husband and I had to write an affidavit on why we think she should not be apart of their lives. She has had many different men come in and out one in particular also had bpd and was very unpredictable and violent. She has just recently left him but I am still very concerned about her decision making skills as she continues to lie and manipulate. That is why at the moment we are in no contact. I can not watch her put my grandson in her care in unsafe situations. She has a social worker assigned to her who visits her weekly but she has a way to manipulate that situation as well.
I know this is not much help to you but I want you to know that I can relate and I honestly feel for you.
One thing I guess I can say is that you need to take care of yourself. When this all happened 3 years ago I was so devastated and depressed I actually made myself physically sick. I then realized that was not going to help anyone.
I know that is easier said than done.
Will the father allow you to visit on his time with the kids?
I pray things will be better for you and wish I could be of more help but you are not alone!

[Blueskyday]

I am in a similar situation. My Grandchild is 8. I literally have to hand her over to a drunken Mother at times.
My dtr is only interested in sex and alcohol. I think she's probably doing coke again . I am 54 and have never even tried coke..

All you can do is tell the 5yr old you are there. Be an example and keep fighting to see them. My dtr tried it once. I let her know nothing on earth would stop me fighting to see the child. I threatened to drag her through every legal procedure in the UK. She backed down eventually.

It is totally heartbreaking