Home page of BPDFamily.com, online relationship supportMember registration here
March 29, 2024, 02:10:41 AM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins: Kells76, Once Removed, Turkish
Senior Ambassadors: Cat Familiar, EyesUp, SinisterComplex
  Help!   Boards   Please Donate Login to Post New?--Click here to register  
bing
Books most popular with members
104
Stop Caretaking the
Borderline or the Narcassist
Stop Walking
on Eggshells
Journey from
Abandonment to Healing
The Search for Real Self
Unmasking Personality Disorders

Pages: [1]   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: No one fully understands someone else's thoughts  (Read 370 times)
SadtimesAZ

*
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 49


« on: January 17, 2020, 08:36:44 PM »

Him telling you he doesn't understand the thought process isn't necessarily a negative thing. No one fully understands someone else's thoughts or what is controlling their emotions. Black and white thinking... My ex wife heard things as rejecting statements too. TBH living with my wife was exhausting with the range of emotions she would cycle through every day. Even when I understood where it came from I would have to think about what I was saying to her, what she was saying to me, try to pre gauge her reaction, then analyze her response. When there's triggers in something as simple as choosing what to eat for dinner and it ends up being an argument, it's tough. There is no clear cut answer but both sides have emotions and feelings to deal with in any given situation.
Logged
Cat Familiar
Senior Ambassador
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 7480



« Reply #1 on: January 20, 2020, 10:56:07 AM »

It is so difficult when we feel we must preexamine every utterance to avoid triggering our partner. That lets us know that our relationship is on very shaky ground. At that point, it’s best to remember not to JADE or be invalidating. It’s possible for relationships to recover from this state, but it’s up to us to be the emotional leader. Not fair, not fun, but it’s doable and the result of having a much better relationship makes it worthwhile.
Logged

“The Four Agreements  1. Be impeccable with your word.  2. Don’t take anything personally.  3. Don’t make assumptions.  4. Always do your best. ”     ― Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom
formflier
Retired Staff
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Married
Posts: 19076



WWW
« Reply #2 on: January 21, 2020, 09:45:56 AM »


I decided to walk away from "pre-examining" most things. 

If I'm about to initiate something important to me, then I'll think it through.  Otherwise I try to say things directly...succinctly and it if happens to push FFw over the edge, I trust that I have tools to clean it up...or leave it to her to sort out.

Best,

FF
Logged

Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2024?

Pages: [1]   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Our 2023 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
AskingWhy
At Bay
Cat Familiar
CoherentMoose
drained1996
EZEarache
Flora and Fauna
ForeverDad
Gemsforeyes
Goldcrest
Harri
healthfreedom4s
hope2727
khibomsis
Lemon Squeezy
Memorial Donation (4)
Methos
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
P.F.Change
Penumbra66
Red22
Rev
SamwizeGamgee
Skip
Swimmy55
Tartan Pants
Turkish
whirlpoollife



Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2006-2020, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!