Hi all this is my first post so I’ll try to keep it brief...
My girlfriend has BPD and has always been very open about it with me. Last July she cheated on me and tried to take her life and has been in inpatient treatment until very recently. It feels like we’ve been through a lot together already and things started to feel positive recently as she has got sober and seems to be recovering well.
We recently spent a weekend together and I read something she’d written that she didn’t feel comfortable sharing with me (it was part of her recovery programme). This left us both feeling upset and she suggested we get couples therapy as there are clearly issues in our relationship around trust.
She has now said that we should have minimal contact until we start therapy (in about a weeks time) and this has left me feeling incredibly low and alone, it feels like it’s happened so suddenly and I am struggling to get my head around things.
She says she still loves me and wants to be together but needs to focus on her recovery first which I understand but I feel so shut out of her life and feel like it’s only going to go one way right now...
I don’t know if anyone reading this has experienced anything similar or can offer advice?
Thanks
Good morning... This is a new one for me on the boards - namely that your girlfriend is being totally transparent. Wow! And if you love her, then realize what a gift this is to be found in a pwBPD. If my ex had been so forthright with me, then I think we might still be married.
And good for you in reaching out - shows that you care. Have your read the book "Stop Walking on Eggshells"? You should - there is a free audio version on youtube. It takes about 8 hours in total. There are lots of great insights in that book.
The rest of your post seems to deal with your own attempts to handle the news that she has given you. It's always hard to navigate these things when you are emotionally invested. So I always say, find a similar example that isn't so emotionally charged and apply the logic from that example to your real life one.
So - for example - all things being equal and BPD did not factor into the mix - and say your gf wanted to go into a closed retreat somewhere to, let's say, make art and write poetry and pray. How would you support her in that?
I would suspect that part of your mixed feelings are tied to the fact that you factor into her future decisions and it must feel like you hang in the balance - which I guess you do. However, now that you see things in this new light, it becomes easier to say that you might want to go for some personal counselling to get ready to go for counselling.
Does this make sense so far. I tend to be an optimist and so I don't want to assume to much. Try to take things day by day and not have too many expectations one way or the other. BUT - you seem to be on a pretty positive path, even if it doesn't feel like that right now.
Send updates …. and welcome to this really great community.
Rev