I feel like I am his doormat and that I am sacrificing myself for him.

[Coastgirl]

I will try not to turn this into a venting session as I really would love input.
My husband has BPD and has been in therapy for two years since a suicide attempt. We go in cycles like everyone else here were things are ok and then a blow up out of nowhere every month or so.
I have realized that these tend to happen when I am "calling him out" A quick example is him being disrespectful and rude to me and me saying hey that hurt when you said that. It immediately flips to it's my fault and silence. If I try to initiate a conversation he breaks down, rages, throws things and then begins sobbing. He says things like I don't support him, see him and he is invisible. I try to offer support and I am told to F off while he is curled up sobbing.
Next will be the separation conversation and then he will say it's not what he wants and we do the dance again.
I feel like I am his doormat and that I am sacrificing myself for him. I told him that I am here for him but I will no longer accept his unwarranted criticism and his projection of his own hate. I love him very much but I don't know if I have anything left in me to give.
He will not let me be involved in his therapy and he will not take medication. I desperately want to be there for him but I often feel as though I just make his life worse. I have never felt so trapped and lost at the same time.
I know no one can fix it for me or even tell me the right thing to do. I am alone in this. I am in counseling but there is only so much I can do if he won't engage with me.
So this turned into a venting session but I guess I am asking how people have put up boundaries. Also how were they communicated to the BPD?

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Cat Familiar]

Here’s a workshop on Boundaries .

It’s good that you’re seeing what triggers your husband’s dysregulations. Learning how to skillfully navigate a relationship with a pwBPD is like learning a foreign language. It’s a lot of work at the beginning. But with studying, it becomes intuitive and much easier to converse in BPDland.

It’s frustrating because as nons, we have to make the effort to do this without expecting them to do their part. But over time our relationships often get better and it’s likely that your husband will be more cooperative and willing to be a good partner.

It’s good that he’s doing therapy and there’s no point in you being involved in his therapy. Typically marital counseling doesn’t go well when one of the partners is a pwBPD.

I’m going to move your post to the Bettering Board. You will learn strategies there to keep the peace, calm things down, and how to improve your boundaries.