, Confused and Dazed, and welcome to the family! It is really hard to be the spouse of a person with BPD sometimes, and it is certainly true that when conflict levels are high we too will suffer from some form of PTSD. I don't think they themselves know quite how violent they come across, but your description of being at the other end of dysregulation sounds pretty accurate.
There are many things you can do to make it easier for yourself. You do not have to be around dysregulation, you can walk away, not answer the phone, not check your texts, etc. I often practice self-soothing even in the midst of a dysregulation by meditative chanting, it helps to regulate my breathing and heartbeat, and prevents an extreme response on my side. Also burning incense or dabbing myself with calming essential oils like chamomile and lavender. A little sneaky this, because it will calm your spouse down if he is within sniffing distance
Best of all is to reduce the conflict. Could you tell us more about your situation? The more you post the better we can help figure out the best way.
Khib
