In very general terms, people with BPD can get triggered when close with a person. Being devalued can minimize any attachment they may feel which lessens the threat of possible abandonment or engulfment.
This makes a LOT of sense to me. I have noticed the pattern that the more time I spend with my mom to support her, the worse she treats me. Like really...what's with that? It's counterintuitive...but your explanation explains it perfectly.
Talk about distorted thinking.
Trying2bekind: are you trying to be kind to yourself, or your pwBPD?