Devaluation, I don't understand how devaluing helps the bpd

[Trying2bekind]

I dont understand how de aluing belps the bpd.can you help me understand it?

[Harri]

Hi and welcome.

Can you tell us a bit more about your friend?  What happened that led to the devaluation?  Were you first idealized?

In very general terms, people with BPD can get triggered when close with a person.  Being devalued can minimize any attachment they may feel which lessens the threat of possible abandonment or engulfment.

In that sense devaluation can be a release of sorts from the very uncomfortable feelings they may have.

Does that resonate?

[Methuen]

In very general terms, people with BPD can get triggered when close with a person.  Being devalued can minimize any attachment they may feel which lessens the threat of possible abandonment or engulfment.

This makes a LOT of sense to me.  I have noticed the pattern that the more time I spend with my mom to support her, the worse she treats me.  Like really...what's with that?  It's counterintuitive...but your explanation explains it perfectly.

Talk about distorted thinking.

Trying2bekind: are you trying to be kind to yourself, or your pwBPD?

[Goosey]

Devaluation! Thank you for explaining it.
It’s like the more I am considerate and well financially supportive  the more I get verbally insulted. But I told her you can’t beat a dead horse and she is wasting her time(of course by then she hung up and I’m just talking to myself ((like usual haha).
Walking on eggshells is the best read in a nutshell.
Anyone dealing with this situation a must read.

[Turkish]

This might help: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=82359.0

Devaluation may be also related to Projection.

For example, my ex wrote to me in an email that "a woman of character deserved a man of character and in that you failed..." while she was conducting an affair and acting, by my judgement, like a teen mom while I took care of our baby and toddler.

I didnt respond to that. Some things aren't worth responding to.  Don't validate the invalid.