Intense rage for 6 straight days...we need advice

[Sash234]

Hi! My sibling has been on the most severe rage she's ever had for the past 6 days. After threatening to go for a.drive and kill herself, she sent pictures of her.arm with two knifes and a bottle.of pills. We called the mental health division of the police department to do a welfare check. They took her in handcuffs to.the hospital, then she was released in the middle of the night. As soon as she got her phone back, we've been the victims of her rath for 6 straight days. She's been yelling and throwing a tantrum nonstop (she's 49 years old). She's called us every name in the book, made terrorist-like demands, made endless threats and death wishes on all of us, and used language so repulsive we could never repeat it. My mom and I can't bear to answer her abusive calls or texts. My dad continues.to listen to it daily, despite us telling him to stop. Getting her committed is too frightening right now. She's scaring all of us to the point that I'm scared to go out of my house. We are at a loss. We feel completely helpless. My dad has told her she needs.to get help and that he will pay for it and get her the help. She yells and screams back that she doesn't need any help.

Please...if anyone has any advice, we would be so grateful!

Thank you!

[Garnet]

Please take care of yourself! That level of rage sounds so traumatic. Even if your sister can’t or won’t get help, you and your family should consider therapy for yourselves. *distant hugs*

[Sash234]

Thank you so much! My mom and I are definitely getting help. It's traumatic indeed! And so very sad! Thank you for replying!

[Turkish]

It sounds like authorities are no help until there is a severe crisis. You sound like you don't feel safe. It might be good to have a safety plan. Do you feel like it's at this point, or do you feel that her threats of harm are directed towards herself?

https://bpdfamily.com/pdfs/safety-first-dv-1.pdf

[Sash234]

Thank you @turkish (I'm new in here, so I don't know if we can tag people like that?).  That safety PDF was very helpful!  Today, I saw on my outdoor camera that she came to my house.  If I were home, I would not have gone outside as we are truly petrified of the verbal abuse that will most definitely come out of her mouth and possibly physical abuse.  My mom is getting zero support from my dad.  He keeps blaming us and telling us we should have called him to handle it and her.  There is no telling if he could have calmed her down that night or if she could have gotten worse.  We called the mental health division of our police department, and they took her in handcuffs, which is her living nightmare as well as my dad's.  The shame they both are experiencing from her being taken in handcuffs is the only thing they can focus on.  Neither of them are able to focus on the fact that she was threatening suicide yet again!  I looked back at emails from 2014, 2015, 2016 and so on and saw all the same threats from her.  It hasn't stopped, slowed down, or gotten any better.  It's gotten worse.  The older she gets, she is more lonely, more depressed, more angry.  She hates everyone, hates her apartment, hates our city, can't believe what "this one did to her" and "that one did to her", wants us all dead, is wishing that we get cancer and die painful deaths, and the list goes on and on.  I've blocked her calls/texts/emails.  I've attempted to reason with my dad (with no luck).  He keeps asking "how could we have done this to him?" Yes, HIM!  Not at all about how could his child threaten suicide and say all these awful things.  My sweet fiance is having to experience all of this, even after he's been through his fair share of crap with his own children.  Ahhhh...calgon, take it all away!

Thank you for letting me vent in this safe space!

[Turkish]

Shame is a core, debilitating feeling for pwBPD. It's bad enough of you don't have BPD. It's also why we don't recommend calling EMS to "teach a lesson." As you described, though, you were trapped and she was in crisis. They wouldn't have held her otherwise. I'm sorry your dad feels like he does and blames you. You and your fiancee deserve to be safe. Your dad is an adult, and so is your sis.

[Sash234]

Thank you!  If we shouldn't call in help (EMS or the police crisis intervention team), who should we call or what should we do?  Do we just attempt to reason with her, and if she continues her rage (screaming, crying, etc.), do we ignore her as these are most likely (based on history) just tests, threats, games, etc? 

[Turkish]

If you can safely de-escalate, try that. If you or she is in danger, then do what you have to do. 

There are communication tools in the lessons at the top of the board. In the Tools pull down at the top of the site, there are top level summaries which can help. Such as


https://bpdfamily.com/content/ending-conflict

Calling was drawing a clear line about what you will tolerate. Where do you think she will go from here interacting with you?

[Sash234]

Thank you for that info!  From past experience, she won't communicate with me for a few months, then out of nowhere, she'll be back as if none of it ever happened.  The patterns have been repeating themselves for years and getting worse each time.  Being the sister vs. the parent is tricky because I feel like I can step out of it.  But it's all very, very sad.