I'm so glad that you have found us and also that you are reading SWOE. How far along in the book have you gotten?
Did you have a "lightbulb" moment while reading the book? I'd like to hear about them when you have time.
I want to assure you that you have found a place full of people that "get it". We can help you sort out a plan to get you to a place where you can live your life.
Can you clarify how she came to live with you? Any agreements made when that happened? How long was it supposed to last?
How do you think the "move out plan" is going to work, if you had to design it today?
I'm still not sure how this works or if I'm doing this right yet, but thank you for responding!
So far, I'm about halfway through the book and really loving the reassurance. I've been knowing for years that I wasn't inventing things, but without any outside validation, it's hard to believe yourself after a while. I've also been having plenty of lightbulb moments.
Ex. I've been learning some of my specific triggers as an adult over the past few years (especially since living with my mom again), but reading this book is helping me understand where they might have come from in the first place so I know what direction to take to work on overcoming them.
It's also been reassuring to know that although there's still a lot of work for me to do, I'm not on the wrong track. It was another nice realization because I've been going through this wild life blind the whole time with only my degree in Psychology and the knowledge that I can't make her go to treatment basically.
We moved in together just over 3 years ago and it was before the official diagnosis came. She had been living with her own mother who had dementia at the time and when she moved into assisted living and passed away, my mom had to find a place to live (since she wasn't on a lease anywhere). She's on disability, not much income and we were living 2 hours away from each other at this time. Knowing my mom's history, I didn't want to be in a position where she would be entirely isolated (she only has 1 friend at the moment) so I brought her to where I was living with the intention of eventually buying a home and making her a secondary suite where she could live.
We didn't discuss very much in depth, but my intention was to keep her close by but separate and try and give her some kind of independence one day in a space where if something drastic happened, very few people would be impacted. Now with my partner in the picture, I don't want him to get trapped on the roller coaster too for longer than necessary, but he was okay with the original plan I had and we've been considering duplexes or converting a home. The issue is that, recently her manipulation escalated to a level I haven't seen in a long time and I don't think it's fair to either of us to keep her so close and run the risk of being sucked in by the games.
She often wishes she could check herself into a psych ward and stay there, which personally I think would be a great move since she would have support all the time and wouldn't be at risk of harming herself like when she's alone in an apartment. The problem is that with the BPD mood swings and a lack of clarity, she changes her mind frequently and makes terrible decisions without thinking about the consequences. Right now I have no idea where she will live when we need to move, but our landlord is repossessing our apartment and time is running out so the change needs to happen whether or not we're ready. This is where I'm currently stuck at the moment and trying to find solutions.
Thanks again for your reply!