I don't know if my EX has BPD but it seemed so and I'm trying to recover

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I just got out of a 2 year relationship that was intense in the beginning in a good way and then became like "walking on eggshells".  I read books, went to therapy, tried to "fix myself" to get better at communicating but this was met with me feeling like I wasn't enough, I was apologizing all the time and I was getting yelled at and scrutinized a lot.  My ex would appear different with her friends than with me.  I always longed to be treated like she treated her friends.  She always had to be right and it was impossible arguing with her.  I came away from the relationship very hurt by her anger, accusations and hypervigilance.  My self-confidence took a deep dive.  Now I'm angry that I put up with all this and I want validation.  I feel like she had a lot of BPD traits but I was never able to bring this up with her.  She keeps going from one relationship to the next and I wish I could have talked to her about it to help her but we didn't get that far.  Anyone have some advice on recovering from being with a BPD partner?

[Laney]

I just got out of a 2 year relationship that was intense in the beginning in a good way and then became like "walking on eggshells".  I read books, went to therapy, tried to "fix myself" to get better at communicating but this was met with me feeling like I wasn't enough, I was apologizing all the time and I was getting yelled at and scrutinized a lot.  My ex would appear different with her friends than with me.  I always longed to be treated like she treated her friends.  She always had to be right and it was impossible arguing with her.  I came away from the relationship very hurt by her anger, accusations and hypervigilance.  My self-confidence took a deep dive.  Now I'm angry that I put up with all this and I want validation.  I feel like she had a lot of BPD traits but I was never able to bring this up with her.  She keeps going from one relationship to the next and I wish I could have talked to her about it to help her but we didn't get that far.  Anyone have some advice on recovering from being with a BPD partner?

[So Done]

Hi Laney. These relationships can be devastating, for sure. There's no quick way to recover from them, but healing is possible. Educating yourself on BPD, reading the articles on here, reading others' posts, can give you a lot of insight into the BPD psyche. Take care of yourself, maybe consider a therapist to process through everything. And keep posting. It helps.

[Mutt]

Hi Laney,



I’d like to welcome you to BPDFamily. I’m sorry for the circumstances that led you to find our site here. I’d also like to echo So Done. I think that you’re in the right place with healing with asking for validation - a lot of members can relate with that process with healing.

It sounds like you were trying really hard to keep things together with not triggering your partner too much and making personal changes knowing that their not likely going to compromise. I think that a lot of us have been there.

I’d like to point out if you haven’t already noticed that the lessons are on top of the board.

[Lucky Jim]

Hey Laney, Welcome!  We get it.  Many of us have been in your shoes.  It's doubtful that anything you did or didn't do would have made a difference, so don't beat yourself up.  You are not responsible for the well being of another adult.  I can understand why your self confidence took a hit.  Now is the time to get back to being who you are at your core.  In the future, you will have better boundaries (see Tools, above).  Feel free to ask any specific questions about BPD and its aftermath.  We've been there!

LuckyJim

[Laney]

Thank you So Done, Mutt and Lucky Jim for your responses.  I'll continue to explore this site and post as I have more questions or comments.  It's good to know this site is here, that's validation already.
Laney