HELP Do I dare consider this?

[B53]

My stomach is affected when I’m stressed and I don’t know who is going to show up. Loving, absent, judgmental. Are we going to talk around it or discuss it. It’s important to me that  I can be proud as to way I handle myself, even if he behaves badly. I don’t actually get sick.
He will be here in an hour.

[CoherentMoose]

Good luck!

[B53]

Thank you all for the support!

It went amazingly well. Emotions remained calm. He does seem very different, almost like a alcoholic in recovery and working the program, only the program is DBT. It’s almost like he grew up. The over the top craziness wasn’t there, but the caring and kindness  was. We talked about the email and how that is not a form of communication for us and the anxiety it causes me. He talked about the bottled up anger he had from the emotional and physical abuse he went through at the hands of his father and his mother not stepping in to protect him. The nicest thing he said was that he couldn’t be critical of my behavior because it was result of how he treated me, that I wasn’t like that when we met.

Then this morning I got an email from a therapist that I contacted, and that she has an opening starting in February. Maybe there is something to be said about, timing is everything. .

I told him to stop apologizing to me. That the person I see and always saw between episodes didn’t do that to me, it was the person he turned into who did and that person I really don’t like.

Of course I know that he isn’t healed and challenges are going to come up, that’s a given, but I am hoping that our support system will be in place and can help us through it.

I wouldn’t of thought in a million years that it would have turned out this way and maybe that last horrible three months was a blessing in disguise. I think he needed time alone to focus on his recovery.

It means so much to me to know that I had all your support cheering me all. Hopefully I won’t need to write here for awhile, but it would be magical thinking to think I’m not going to need your support along the way. I will stay connected to read the advice that others are given because you can never stop learning. I don’t feel that I know enough to give too much advice, but I like to greet the new people. I remember that when I was new here, just people saying a few kind words was so important, because what brings us here, is a lot of heartache and pain, and only the people here really understand.
B53

[Fian]

It is nice hearing of a case where a BPD individual has become better and not toxic in a relationship.  I would definitely like to hear from you a few weeks/month in to see if his changes are temporary or permanent.

[formflier]

 

Please keep posting!  Positive change can come from both directions.

How do you feel now, looking back on the past few weeks/months?

Best,

FF

[B53]

I actually believe that we needed that time apart, because I think we were both depleted and he needed to focus on his recovery. The last three months have been very painful and I could have certainly done without that. I feel that with the support that I have gotten here, I was heading in a positive direction and if this fails, I know that I have a soft place to fall. I will be alright in the end.
 I will keep posting. I’m not that naive to think it is all smooth sailing ahead. I am trying to stay in the present and enjoy this time.  I know this could be a honeymoon period and it is hard not to worry that it could end any time.

As always, thanks.
B53

[khibomsis]

Wishing you all the best, B53! So pleased everything is falling into place. 2021 is the year of new beginnings

[B53]

Thanks!
Maybe 2021 is the year!  Hopefully for everyone!

[CoherentMoose]

Aww, very nice!   

Stay involved in here and post when your experience may benefit someone else, even if the stories don't quite matchup.    CoMo

[B53]

CoMo,
I will. Right now things are great, but we all know it’s been that way before. He has told me a lot about many breakthrough moments in what he calls his journey. He has opened a lot of scary doors. His childhood abuse was unimaginable. It is especially hard for me to hear because I teach young children and know their innocence. I think it helps that he is able to share it and considers me a safe person.I am empathetic, but that will not give him permission to treat me badly in the future. I remain cautiously hopeful.
B53